My girlfriend’s cat is dying.
The vet has given her three months. They found a bunch of tumors in Muchie’s abdomen and think that this is a terminal situation. She also has had diabetes for years. When Jessica visited me for three weeks this summer she drove up from Atlanta with both her cat and dog. She couldn’t leave the cat by herself because sometimes she doesn’t drink enough water and needs fluids. Plus, you have to test her blood sugar and all of that.
Just the other day Muchie was prescribed some pain meds. The next day, while eating, she fell over. Essentially she’s been listless, and has only eaten laying on her side. It’s very sad.
The vet suggested to take her off the pain meds to see if that improves coordination. Either way the end is near.
Jessica has been crying off and on for the past two days. She is devastated like one is when a family member is dying. I consider pets family members. But, then again, I’m also the guy that rides his bike to work with his dog in a backpack.
When I was getting divorced there were times that I felt my pets were all I had. Obviously, this is not true, as my friends and family were really the key to me pushing through that pain. But to come home and not see my wife was heartbreaking. I was able to be comforted with my dog and cat who would sleep with me. (hmm… there probably is a way to have worded that better)
As a man my inclination is to look for imperfection and suggest solution. If my girlfriend is speaking about a problem she’s having, I have the answer within seconds. I can’t wait to tell her exactly what to do. Obviously this is a poor strategy.
So, while she’s crying I find that for a second I want to tell her what to do to cope with this upcoming loss and how to give the cat some pleasure during her final days. Then, the urge passes. This woman is wholly capable of taking care of herself. I know this. Since she is not asking for me to solve her problems all I can do is listen and empathize. I feel powerless to fix this situation.
Sadly, there is no solution for the cat, nor a solution to cope with loss except to dive headfirst into pain. I remember reading A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis back in college. I thought emotions like anger and sadness were “bad†and the whole way through I just wanted him to “get over it.†I thought that was just practical. Emotions were untrustworthy.
When my family dog died (who was really my dog) at 18.5 years, I didn’t cry. The previous two years I had prepared for her death, so when it came I felt nothing. When my parents were beside themselves with grief I thought they were just being immature.
I know how insane that sounds, but it’s true. This is why I do all the work on myself. I need it. Today I can empathize with someone’s struggle. I can get angry to defend a boundary. I can stay with fear and not shame myself. In short, I’m a human being with emotions.
I love my girlfriend, and in the time Muchie was in my condo, I fell in love with her. It’s a pet – you have to. And over time, everybody leaves. Either alive or not alive. Being with my girlfriend and witnessing her pain is difficult. But staying with the pain, and being present for someone else’s is intimate and supportive.
That said, you have been through a lot of my pain, too. I appreciate it. (I write pretty awesome dick jokes, too)
Ericamos says:
That’s hilarious!! I probably would have done the same thing.
D.J. Paris says:
@Ericamos Erica – I just vomited. Thanks for that.
Ericamos says:
@tfpHumorBlog Anything for you.
D.J. Paris says:
@Ericamos trim up that chest while you’re at it. You’re a woman for chrissakes.
Sunburnt says:
Lol!! It’s almost like you’re a parent because this is pretty much life when you have kids! We’re they TRYING to make fun of you !?? 😛
D.J. Paris says:
@Sunburnt I always think everybody is making fun of me. Which is not true, of course.
wilyguy says:
Geez and you didn’t totally work the slide? I would have worked the slide out!
D.J. Paris says:
@wilyguy It was creepy enough to show up to a kids birthday party without owning a kid. I had to be the only one.
TRfromRL says:
I get invited to a lot of kid events and I’ve learned to come prepared for anything because you never know what the crowd will be like or what the party-throwers actually have planned. A lot of times it’s actually a party for the adults disguised as a kid’s party.
D.J. Paris says:
@TRfromRL This one had both. They really went all out. Should have taken photos. Too busy feeling uncomfortable around all the little ones.
Juststuff3 says:
what’s up with bring Tupperware for left overs? don’t think I’ve ever been invited to a party where they tell me in advance that there is going to be food left over and we want all of you to take some home.. clearly I am not getting invited to the right parties!
D.J. Paris says:
@Juststuff3 They actually supplied the Tupperware despite the announcement proclaiming the opposite! Liars!
Eschelle says:
awww that super sucks! I have also never been told I needed to take home leftovers… how odd…
D.J. Paris says:
@Eschelle Hmm… I don’t want to say why you were never told this, but… (just kidding – I don’t know what you look like so I had to make a weight joke. please realize that, once again, I DO NOT KNOW what you look like. I’m wading into dangerous water here).
Eschelle says:
@tfpHumorBlog i would find that more funny if I didn’t have a body issue problem after having my two kids… so thank you for that first thing this morning..
D.J. Paris says:
@Eschelle If you makes you feel better, everybody hates their body. 🙂 Plus, nobody thinks your body is as bad as you. So, stop being cruel to yourself. There – you’re fixed.
amberrisme says:
Hahahahaha! All for nothing. I would have joined in on the slip-n-slide. Age is just a number, and for crying out loud, you GROOMED yourself for the occasion.
D.J. Paris says:
@amberrisme You’re not wrong. But it was an actual slide, like an inflatable thingy. Kids today have so much cool stuff. And all the parents are like their best friends. They should be afraid of adults like we were.
pdk117 says:
I feel so bad for you. That was not right to lead you on like that. Even going so far as to shave you shoulder hairs? Come on. People should right ” Reminder, Saturday at our house, Bring bathing suit if you want to look like an idiot in a blow up pool with a bunch of screaming brats” P.S. Gift table will be to the right as you enter the front door.
I shaved my own shoulder not to long ago. The problem is, the hair on my shoulders goes all the way down my back. What did I do? Well I will tell you. I reached around both sides as far as I could with my electric razor and amazingly got all of the hair but two spot right were shall I just say boobs would be. I looked like a shave female gorilla. What was I going to do know? I’ve got it….Paul @pdk117