Comments Make/Break My Day – A Confession

None of these people commented on my blog yesterday. They were too busy - too busy being dicks!

When I first started this blog I spent most of my spare time studying SEO. Within a month I was #1 for “best blogs” and “funny blogs” on Google. Then, back in March Google released the Panda update and wiped me off their charts. I think for “funny blogs” I’m currently #44. So, if you found me that way, you need to have better things to do then scroll to page five of Google. Take up knitting or some shit. READ MORE

Being Grateful For Stuff – Let’s Get Fixed

Last Sunday a bunch of us committed to finally getting that thing done we’ve been putting off.

Time to check in to see how badly you failed! Or succeeded. Whatever.

And we’re going to set a new goal – so if you’re new to the site, get ready to become more awesome. READ MORE

Paris-Ochial Those Are Sins?

Paris-Ochial Logo

I realized I haven’t done one of these in over eight months!

If you’re not familiar with my series “Paris-Ochial,” these are tales of my time at a Catholic high school as a Protestant.

I think maybe twice during high school they made us go to confession. This was a new concept for me. Sure I had seen confessions in action movies, but it was always the protagonist confessing a sin to a shadowed priest in a darkened booth with that sliding cheese grater wall thing. But then the priest would say something, and the hero would recognize the voice. It was the bad guy trying to kill him! A shootout would happen next and holy water would spill. READ MORE

The Best Way To Destroy Someone Emotionally

This broad looks like she would yell at me too. I have a laugh all chambered-up just for her.

I was riding to work today as I always do at 8am.

Today was unusual in that I decided for a change in my normal music routine. Usually I’ll blast some Metallica or something exciting, loud, and fast. It gets me going and most of the time I’m fighting a nasty head-wind. READ MORE

Am I The Crazy One Here?

Well, at the inside of the building isn't offensive

Years back I used to date a woman who lived in Columbia, SC. I went to visit her for a long weekend and while she was working during the day I would mill about the city. This was 2003.

I check out a few of the museums, the zoo, the college there and a bunch of other local fauna. READ MORE

My Sister and I Drove Past a House of Ill Repute

Do I get to play the video game during? That would be so boss.

My sister and I passed a whorehouse on the way to Peoria.

It’s called  Uncle Bernie’s Special House of Massage and we saw a huge billboard for it on the side of the highway.

Note –  I removed the actual name as to not give them any publicity or chance to send a nasty legal threat. READ MORE

Last Night I Married My Sister (And Got Rejected By Both Britney Spears and Paris Hilton)

Yes, Britney, we all know what you think of me.

Talking about dreams is boring for everyone but the dreamer.

EXCEPT WHEN THE DREAMER IS MARRYING HIS SISTER.

Yes, I had a terrifying dream last night. I was in a tux backstage at a wedding. I don’t know what the secret area is named for a wedding even though I had my own once. But I am in a band and we do  occasionally  hang out backstage. Anyway, I was there, and I was nervous. Then panicked. Finally I was screaming and crying at the same time. READ MORE

Finally Starting That Thing – Let’s Get Fixed

Last Sunday a bunch of us committed to changing how controlling we are to people in our life.

Time to check in to see how badly you failed! Or succeeded. Whatever.

And we’re going to set a new goal – so if you’re new to the site, get ready to become more awesome. READ MORE