thoughts

I Just May Be a Narcissist

Speaking on narcissism I found this today in my parents' house. Had no idea it existed.

I was called a  narcissist  a few days ago by a reader.

I recently crossed over the five thousand mark in comments on they blog. I would say 99% are positive/funny responses to posts I’ve written. Once in awhile I invoke someone’s ire.

This particular reader yelled at me in a private email writing that I am a crazed narcissist and with all the hurt I cause my girlfriend I need to remember that I’m the lucky one to have her in my life. One of my comedy heroes, Marc Maron, has a response to a women whenever one starts passing judgement from the audience and interrupting his set. He’s a fantastic comic and talks openly about all his challenges. I try to do the same thing here. Anyway, his response is to look at the woman with compassion and then say, “I’m really sorry for what he did to you.” It’s one of the greatest power-move  dismissals ever. READ MORE

Meet the Other D.J. Paris

I'm a Gay Asian From New York
the other D.J. Paris
I’m a gay Asian From New York.

Let me introduce you to the other D.J. Paris.

He’s a gay Asian from New York.

I know this because back in 1998 when I stumbled across his website, this is what appeared as his tagline. I was simply looking to see if there was, in fact, a djparis.com. Turns out there absolutely was and is. READ MORE

I’m For Intolerance! No – Wait. Against. Yes, Against.

This post will not fall under the general hilarity that is my regular musing wit.

I am in a funk tonight. I had an exhausting (but good) day at work. Something incredibly shitty happened at the end that sent me off into a rage. As someone that has avoided his feelings most of his life I do not yet handle extremes well. Things like anger and sadness and fear hit me very hard. In the past I never learned how to sit or tolerate them. I learned that the best thing to do was to run from them. READ MORE

I Promise To Go Back and Reply To All Your Comments!

I'm going to do it - pinky swear.

I have a habit where I make a bunch of promises that, in the moment, seem perfectly doable.

Then a few days go by and I realize, “Ugh, I don’t want to do this at all.” In the past month alone I thought of writing an ebook unrelated to this blog, starting a site for male humor bloggers, and working on a podcast. The podcast thing is actually happening, and we’ll see how it goes. But, if after a few episodes it turns into a bust, oh well. READ MORE

I Can’t Stop Obsessing About The One Hair That Grows Sideways On The Underside of My Chin

This is similar to the one Jessica found growing out of the side of my head while we were on the subway. I'm pretty sure I ate it.

There is one hair that grows on the underside of my chin pointed the wrong direction.

I shave with an electric razor which does a good job in that area. It’s completely smooth when I’m finished. Except for that one hair. No matter how many times I go over that spot in whichever direction it doesn’t get cut. If I don’t shave for a few days and then use the razor, it does get cut, but just the same as if I shaved every day. READ MORE

I Just Found Out I Spend More On My Haircuts Than My Girlfriend

If I were this woman's husband I would smack her hands and say, "You're using too much - too much, goddammit!" Women respect confidence.

Many things that I write about are unexpected. Here’s another one.

I got my haircut last night and, while driving home, called Jessica (the girlfriend). Wait, I’d like to back up a step and complain about something. Okay, if you read my stuff you know I bicycle to work and it’s pretty strenuous. I go to one of these high-end salons in the Gold Coast of Chicago off Michigan Avenue. For three years I’ve been a patron, and for three years I’ve biked there. I arrive covered in sweat with the helmet, my gross bike clothes, and my dog in a backpack. They couldn’t be nicer about it. During the winter months I take the subway still with dog in tow. READ MORE

Juan Epstein Inspired Me

Please excuse Juan from school today as he was sick. Signed, Epstein's Mother

I’m excited.

For the past year I’ve wanted to do something other than just write here on the blog. Writing is what I do best and, quite frankly, what I enjoy most. Since I pump out content each day my words aren’t as expertly crafted as I would prefer. If I write less frequently and in a longer format I think I could really produce something of quality. I’m trying to get my act together, and starting in 2013 will work on some sort of book. READ MORE

My Mark On The Internet – Sigh…

Ah, the good ol' days...

I’ve written about this before – how I scammed my way up Google charts to be #1 for “best blogs” and such.

This was pre-Penguin (Google update that ousted all the bozos like me) and the times were good. I was getting courted by corporate advertisers who thought I was a big deal. That’s all dried up now, and I’m building the brand the same way anyone who never gets a big viral hit does – one reader at a time. READ MORE

I Drive A Jaguar – A Confession

If she really loved me mom would handed down whatever the heck this car is.

My grandfather died when I was in high school and we inherited his Cadillac.

I already had a car at the time, a Merkur XR4Ti. Even though it was a hand-me-down with 200k miles, it was still pretty cool. Leather seats, sunroof, turbo injection. And stick shift. Every kid’s first car should be stick shift. READ MORE