thoughts

I Picked a Hot Photo of Myself to Impress You – A Confession

A friend recently pleaded with me to change my photo here on the site.

He said it didn’t look like me and didn’t capture my silliness. Plus, he said it made me look like a bad man. He then went into detail about what kind of criminal I resembled. Without going into specifics let’s just say it wasn’t flattering. READ MORE

Behold the ThoughtsFromParis 2012 Holiday Card

Look at me - I'm a whole shitload of meerkats!

Back in December I asked you foolios to send over your address and you’d get a ThoughtsFromParis holiday card. Shockingly some of you actually provided me with where you live.

By the way, to the one hot chick from Yuma that only gave me her P.O. Box, it’s been a pain in the ass hanging out at the post office waiting for you to come by. Seriously. READ MORE

Mommy Wants Vodka – Becky Sherrick Harks – Bloggers are Weird Podcast

The newest episode of Bloggers are Weird is up on iTunes so go get it! The easiest way is to  click this link, then “view in iTunes.” Then click the “subscribe” button. Also, leave me a review, sucka! If you’re a Blackberry or Zune person it’s in your store as well. For Android users just search for the feed in your favorite podcast app. Lastly, for the truly lazy I’ve ported it over onto YouTube so you can check it out below. Enjoy. READ MORE

A Group of Grandmas Going Greatness

After four mai tais...

What is it about grandmas traveling together at the airport that is both amusing and touching?

I was thinking about this today as I sat in my terminal watching a group of silverbacks congregate around a garbage can. There were five of them and they appeared to be going on a vacation that required a tremendous amount of paperwork. I know old people aren’t great with technology, but my god the paperwork they were carting around was impressive. Don’t they know you’re not supposed to be that organized to go out to Palm Springs? Not trying to be ageist but I highly doubt they were going to do a fly-over in India and pick up a Sherpa before scaling the Himalayas. Drop the paperwork. Just print out your boarding pass like a normal person. Nothing more is required. You don’t need to have the Tony Orlando buffet dinner tickets for Tuesday night poking out of a manila folder in the airport. READ MORE

Promote Your Blog on My Blog Right Now – Take V

Look, everyone! Gordy's a clown!

It’s time yet again.

You know the people that pay to be my advertisers? Today we collectively shove our middle fingers up their right nostrils!

I had to choose a nostril to end that last sentence, and “right” was definitely the correct nostril. If I would have chosen “left” you could have called my sanity into question. I know this doesn’t make sense but you are silently nodding your head. READ MORE

Blue Light Therapy and Staring Into the Sun

See, this chick looks normal doing it! I just look creepy.

My girlfriend bought me a blue therapy light for Christmas.

I did a bunch of research on blue lights to see if they do, in fact, help to alleviate depression. Now, I don’t actually have depression. Well, not in the clinical sense. Sure I cry each morning when I awake, but that’s because the weight of the world is squarely resting on my shoulders! You know, normal thoughts. The blue light was appealing as it could help me to feel better and isn’t a destructive high. READ MORE

Chickening Out on New Year’s Eve

See, it only looks cool when hot chicks dance on top of the bar.

Last night I didn’t do anything for New Year’s Eve.

I am sad about this. I actually had two offers that I both turned down. One was from friends who, ever year, go to this huge gala in Chicago. The week prior I had decided against it. I get dressed up each day for work – it’s enough. Ha. Sorry to laugh at my own moronic logic, but that’s actually how I thought about it. Also, it’s pretty expensive for someone who doesn’t drink. So, no to that one. READ MORE

366 Posts in 366 Days (or… How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Challenge)

I wanted to end this experiment of posting every day for a year with a few reflections…

  • I have no discipline – I can’t tell you how many projects I’ve started over the years that have not come to completion. In my mind the last time I really worked at something I consider disciplined was when I worked out six days a week for six months without missing. That was ten years ago. Ten years before that I sat in my basement and mastered a Joe Satriani piece entitled Day at the Beach on the guitar. That’s it. I have ADD which is great for creativity but not with staying on task. Somehow I was able to just make this a must every day. I missed most of my flossing, but I never missed writing. No idea how I did it. Am I a superhero? Sure. Why not?
  • I never thought I could write every day (with decent content) – Before this I only wrote if I had something I pondered for a few days and I was absolutely certain was going to be well-received. As a result of this strategy, I almost never produced. I waited for home runs which rarely came. After day seven in January I had run out of home runs. Nothing had happened that particular day and I was screwed. Within a few months I realized I was developing improv chops. Since my average day is pretty boring and I don’t have great stories from my past I focused on finding the humor and emotion in everyday life. While not easy, after 365 straight reps, the muscle is now well-developed.
  • Readers relate to honesty – Frankly, I always considered myself a humorist. I am funny. That’s my thing. But when I started this year I was into a new relationship, but still healing from my divorce. I had a lot of anger, sadness, fear and shame that was bubbling to the surface. While terrifying to me, I decided to take the plunge and write about these feelings without the need to pepper them with jokes. Comedy often did come up naturally, but it wasn’t something I manually added to make the posts more readable. What happened was that my comments increased significantly. Readers seemed to appreciate the raw honesty and I believe people felt more connected to me and the work.
  •  Engagement is the key – I have always wanted to build a community with this blog. The only way I know how to do this (since I write about myself) was to engage the readers. Even though I’m still over 400 comments behind, my goal is to reply to every single comment. I don’t do this because it will “get” me more loyalty, although it does often do that. I remember seeing Ozzy Osbourne once talking about his fans and he almost started crying saying how grateful he is to have people that want to listen to his music. I’m not half as talented as him, but I feel the same. The fact that someone wants to read my stuff still blows me away. So, thank you!
  • Put my head down and write – I have long since retired the idea of being famous from a blog. My posts won’t go viral. My readership increases by a handful every day. That’s it. No shortcuts. And I’ve learned so much of life is just hard-work. And that’s the good news. Hard work beats out talent almost every time. With hard work I can hit singles and doubles every day. I’ll leave the home runs to the book I’d like to pen. Other than that, it’s just a matter of getting up early and making the donuts.

Well, that’s it. I also learned you sickos love posts about genitals, farts, sadness, shame, anything where I end up embarrassing myself, and videos where I don’t realize I’m making a joke until after I’ve made it and then laugh hysterically at my own wit. Okay, maybe not the last one. READ MORE