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It started with the stamps.
Last Friday, like a good and dedicated employee, I went into work. There were some appointments I had set up for the early part of the day. On the way home I popped into a Dominick’s grocery store to pick up a few items needed for the weekend. I remembered that all my holiday cards had arrived after Christmas and I was to send them out that weekend.
I told my girlfriend a lie last night.
To be fair, this was unintentional. Had I known the actual truth (as I do now) I may have very well snapped the remaining thread of sanity holding me upright or thrown myself from a balcony screaming.
On my way home from work yesterday I put together some thoughts for a video blog. I wrote down eleven points I wanted to discuss including an upcoming trip, a holiday card I’m sending to readers, and a story about not picking up my dog’s poop (which I still don’t do even though I promised you I would).
Every few weeks the fine people at AimingLow publish one of my pieces for their hilarious site. Today was one of those days. I always forget to mention when this happens and I thought I’d share with you my last two videos I produced. It’s about… well… vibrators. Enjoy.
This is probably the weirdest thing about me.
No, wait. It definitely is.
When I was nineteen I started to get involved in new-agey stuff. Out of sheer curiosity I visited the local shop that sold dream catchers and patchuli face cream. As I was looking over the Kama Sutra books with explicit photos, I noticed a line of beautiful glass bowls on a wall. The keeper noted my interest and asked if I was familiar with chakras. I told her that Chaka Kahn was okay, but I didn’t like her later stuff. She laughed but I was serious.
I was thinking on the subway this evening, “Why did I really build an app for my blog?”
The easy and obvious answer is that it would make accessing my content easier. The app aggregates my podcasts, posts, and even videos, as well as my Twitter and Facebook feeds. It does, in fact, help people who want to read, listen or watch my stuff find it in one spot.
The past few weeks have been unfortunately busy. I’m trying to cut down on my adverbs, by the way. I couldn’t even make past the first sentence. Dammit.
Anyhow, my best friend’s father passed away and I traveled back to Peoria to attend to the services. I also was in a bad car crash (thankfully nobody was injured). Since then I’ve purchased a new car. Oh, and I went down to Dallas to visit my aging grandmother this past weekend.
In this video sponsored by Cottonelle I talk about two, count ’em, embarrassing things I do in the bathroom. Watch it and get embarrassed for me.
If you don’t see the video below, click here to view!
The same thing happened when I was sixteen.
My dad handed down his Merkur XR4Ti (yes, it had a double spoiler), and the day after I earned my license I smashed into the back of a Cadillac. It was piloted by an elderly couple on their way from Florida to Chicago to see their only granddaughter’s high school graduation. They yelled at me, but good. Old people suck.
Cottonelle asked me to write about my first bidet experience – I told them to screw off because D.J. only does bidet humor on video!
Seriously, and they’re not paying me to say this (well, they are sponsoring the blog, but did not specifically ask me to say this), Cottonelle has the best damned toilet paper in these United States. And their adult wipes are important to my overall well-being. I’m hooked.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!
