My new pal Jodie Orton from SirenFM put the interview she did with me on YouTube. You probably missed it live (as I did), so here’s your chance to check it out. I found out that she did make a few edits to the segment, and I wanted to share with you the exact conversation we had when she told me. Unlike her, I will display the conversation in full without censor. Videos down below!
stories
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How to Blow a Radio Interview
Nobody cares about me?
I just got off with Jodi Orton at American Dream Team, a radio program in the UK. We did about 25 minutes on my favorite topic – me.
To check out their programming and listen live to the station, visit SirenFM here
I don’t know about how the FCC works over, or if they even have one, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen tons of boobs and heard lots of f-words during prime time television programming.
Sleeping With The Weighted Vest – A Report
The duct tape is where some cancer accidentally leaked through
Okay, yo, I finally got my lead vest/apron. How? A sweet woman named Ady donated to me an old one they were throwing out at their animal hospital.
Turns out this vest was not for pets, but for humans. I will say, that it did not come in the greatest shape. A lot of strange stains, and it looks like some patchwork was required. Not good signs.
My Race Car Driving Youth
Those bangs. They... Ugh...
At the wedding I was at this weekend, the groom handed me an envelope which contained an important piece of my youth.
This was my official race car driving license. I hadn’t seen it since 1993 when I lost it in a card game called Suicide Guts to the groom. I had forgotten about this part of my life, as I was only thirteen and those were some dark times.
Shortest Story
Nothing less sexy.
I just remembered this.
My friend Peter was one year behind me in school. Actually, I had only heard about Peter from our mutual friend Justin. I was excited to meet Peter, as I had heard great things. The first day of my sophomore year was the first day of their freshman year. Pretty simple math, yo.
I Got De-Friended!
Feel free to judge, but I actually think I might hit it.
This has probably happened before, I’m sure.
Facebook doesn’t send you a message that says, “Hey bozo, somebody has decided you’re not worth following anymore. Cheers!” That would be sort of cruel. But funny, too.
The Time I Thought I Was Dying (But It Turns Out I Totally Wasn’t)
sdafafsfsa
In the past I discussed this little studio apartment where I lived in my mid-twenties. I have written about some of my experiences there, such as the time I drank some bad malt liquor and had an accident, and how I fell in love with the girl who lived across the way.
I Have Spear Toe – A Confession
No good.
I want you to do something right now.
Pull out one of your hands (choose the one that is shoved down the front of your pants – and no I don’t mean because you’re doing that.)
Hold it up in front of you. Pay particular attention to the pinky. Notice it’s length. It’s longer than you thought, right?
Another Embarrassing Story About Food
This shit so totally comes from the sea.
Yesterday, I revealed that until last November, I had no idea that the red thing inside of a green olive was a pepper. I thought it came with the olive. I am 35.
Today’s story, believe it or not, is even more embarrassing.
And lest you think I exaggerate, I can even ask the person who witnessed this almost twenty years ago to verify. His name is Justin, and has been a great friend for twenty-five years. In fact, when I got married, he got a marryer (that’s probably not a word) license and became our officiant. I also blame him for the subsequent divorce.
