Angelica Dawson recently reached out to me to ask about my blog, my writing process, and a bunch of other stuff. If you want to learn even more about me than you already know click here to read the article.
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These are posts that will go in the blog, under the slider
How I Got Out Of A Ticket
Just for fun I'm going to tell you his name was Officer Feltersnatch. (It was really Jones)
Let’s face it – some cops are dicks.
Not all, of course. But many of them are ex-jocks in high school who got bald and fat and still like to bully people. I personally have no issue with cops, as I don’t think I’ve actually spoken to one in years. I stay out of trouble, and they stay away from me.
So Apparently I’m Going Bald
Yes, it's an ultra creepy stare, but it's an ultra creepy stare from a non-balding man.
I was getting my hair cut today which I do every six weeks. I’ve been going to M Salon for three years. It’s really nice and they let me bring my dog.
My hair stylist has become a friend. I tell her everything that’s going on in my life. She’s really good at cutting hair, too. She also won Best Body during the Miss Illinois pageant, so she’s not awful to stare at in the mirror.
Something Bit My Leg!
If this turns you on, run, do not walk, to your closest asylum.
I’ve written before that I’ve never been bit by a mosquito. Or maybe I have but my skin isn’t allergic to the sting. Who knows?
So, when people talk about itching or the red bump shit on their calves, I just stare at them blankly. I have no idea what that is, but it seems to itch like a prick according to you fools. It also must be an endorphin machine because you go nearly orgasmic scratching it. I’m not exaggerating when I say I have never really had any of that. Yeah, yeah, one of God’s chosen. I know.
I Ran Over My Groceries!
Back on January 1st, I committed to writing one post a day for thirty days. This was a difficult task for that month, and it caused me to build a few muscles that I hadn’t before. Now it’s mid-April and I have the streak intact.
I used to plan out my posts in the morning on the way to work. I’d draft an outline, write a bit on the subway, and then on the way home from work, try to get most of it down. Then at home I’d add photos, links, do the final editing and publish.
Thank You!!!
I really try to let my readers know how appreciative I am that they read, continue to read, and comment. I receive heartfelt emails from you and that makes my insides warm (so does diphtheria).
Rachel Thompson and I would like to thank you for all the people that read our debut column, Rachel and Delfin Argue (About You). You nearly broke my all time high daily record for views.
How to Blow a Radio Interview
Nobody cares about me?
I just got off with Jodi Orton at American Dream Team, a radio program in the UK. We did about 25 minutes on my favorite topic – me.
To check out their programming and listen live to the station, visit SirenFM here
I don’t know about how the FCC works over, or if they even have one, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen tons of boobs and heard lots of f-words during prime time television programming.
I Scored A Turkey Breast!
Okay, it doesn't look awesome. But it is.
I have an AWESOME food tip for you.
You know those rotisserie chickens you can get pre-cooked from the grocery store? I love those things and probably average one a week. I heat up a little brown rice and vegetables and combine it all in a bowl like pig feed. I know this sounds healthy, and it is, but it’s only once a week. The rest of the time it’s fozen pizzas and graham cracker Double Stuf Oreos.
I Wrote This On My Phone, Damnit!
I figured it out.
I just realized that I nearly forgot to post today. I’ve made it every day this year and would prefer not to kill the streak. It’s the only streak I haven’t broken – just ask my Portuguese Rosetta Stone program and gym membership. Oh, and I don’t clean the cat box every three days like I promised either.
