I was getting my hair cut today which I do every six weeks. I’ve been going to M Salon for three years. It’s really nice and they let me bring my dog.
My hair stylist has become a friend. I tell her everything that’s going on in my life. She’s really good at cutting hair, too. She also won Best Body during the Miss Illinois pageant, so she’s not awful to stare at in the mirror.
Today as we were finishing up she asked, “Is this short enough?”
Sure – I mean, what do I know? You’re the expert.
Okay, well, I don’t think we should go as short as before.
Oh, short’s not in anymore?
Well, no, I mean, see… the thing is, your hair has changed a bit.
How’s that?
Okay, please don’t get mad. I think your hair has become more, well, fine.
Explain!
Haven’t you noticed that it’s not quite as thick…
I’m fucking going bald?
No! It’s just not as full…
But I’ve never found even a hair on the pillow!
I knew you would take this the wrong way. You’re NOT going bald.
My mother’s father died with a full head of hair, I’ll let you know.
We just should keep it a little longer, that’s all I’m saying.
I’ve never even found one hair on my pillow!
I shouldn’t have said anything.
It’s all I have, Ashley. I’m not kidding.
Your hair is great. Blonde. Luxurious.
I don’t drink, so I’m heading to Chik-fil-A to get two sandwiches. Then, I’ll cry.
Fin
It’s bound to happen. Yes, you don’t get to take your cash with you, your pets, your family, or even your hair when you die. It’s all temporary stuff, and it goes away. I somehow think I’m special because at 35 I’m still blonde with tons of hair. But at 55 it won’t be blonde and will be thinning. Or maybe gone altogether.
I’m kind of excited to find out what my bald head looks like. Will it be shaped all perfect, or have weird ridges and bumps? Will I find some killer mole that I didn’t know I had? And do people get skull zits?
Well, I hope you go bald before me, that’s all I’m sayin’.
maryfran says:
I think you’ve found your new profile picture!
D.J. Paris says:
@maryfran Yes – I always wanted to go with a sexual predator look.
wilyguy says:
Tastes Great… Less Filling… sorry, that conversation reminded me of that.
So if the caption says “ultra creepy stare from a non-balding man in denial” does that mean you realize you are in denial and therefor balding? Or is this a circular reference to not being in denial because you’re not balding? 3 of my hairs just leaped to their death thinking about that…
WG
D.J. Paris says:
@wilyguy You’re thinking too much. Ha. But yes, I tried to go the clever route, full circle.
HeyMikey says:
Time to shop for a new stylist. I have naturally curly hair but, unfortunately, it’s fine, which is the worst case scenario. My hair is also thinning. One of my stylists advised that I keep my hair shorter because when it’s long, and grows out and down, the hair separates and I look balder. If you keep your hair short when you’re thinning, it rallies the troops and keeps everything in a tight little huddle to keep your thinning pattern concealed. For example, I just realized what used to be a natural whorl is now a bona fide bald spot. So, instead of buzzing my hair on the side and leaving the top longer so I can toss it, I’m going to start getting clipper-buzzed on a high adapter setting to keep everything tight. I don’t want to wind up with a bald head and a Charlie Brown tuft on my forehead. Whatever happens, I’m going along gracefully.
JustSaying says:
@HeyMikey Hey Mikey! Just a little info from a pro: Naturally blonde hair has a way different texture then curly hair, usually that is. It is way more fine. Curly hair has a lot of texture to it, going bald or not. So sometimes blonde hair to create a texture look, needs to be just a tad bit longer to cut texture into it. I agree though, going bald and growing your hair out is not a good look. Unless you want the D.T. Look. (Donald Trump) Actually DJ, maybe we should go for that look! Change it up a bit! Sounds fun…
HeyMikey says:
@HeyMikey I’m not in the life. I thought hair was hair. Good insight, though. Between my own stable of help and Tabatha, you’d think I wouldn’t be the last to find out.
philippa says:
i’m not laughing – promise … *crosses fingers*
D.J. Paris says:
Good. Because that would be mean and insensitive, and obviously you’re not like that.
SpinningInBurbs says:
What are you worrying your pretty little thinning head about? Bald has been “in” since Matt Lauer shaved his head. And you’d be in good company – Jim Cantore on the Weather Channel, Al Roker, any number of overpaid athletes…
D.J. Paris says:
@SpinningInBurbs All I know from your comment is that you watch terrible television.
Ptmartinez says:
we always enjoy having you and your dog at M Salon. I do have it on good authority that NO, you are not going bold. I asked Ashley 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
@Ptmartinez Thanks Patricia! You ladies are great. I say ladies because I’ve never seen a male employee survive in this estrogen-laced setting. Keep it that way!
ShiftlessMommie says:
People do, in fact, get skull zits.
D.J. Paris says:
@ShiftlessMommie I hope to never confirm that comment.
gina valley says:
The important thing is that you didn’t panic.
D.J. Paris says:
@gina valley Yeah, at least I’m not one of those men who acts like a little girl at the slightest news of imperfection.
gina valley says:
@delfinparis
I have always thought of you as a solid rock of decorum. 🙂
Eric Crew says:
Ashley continues to crack me up!
D.J. Paris says:
Are you one of her clients? If so ask about the time one of her guy clients took photos of her cutting his hair by aiming the camera at the mirror. Hilarious.
Andi Roo says:
Great timing, as I recently told my hot blonde hubz that he, too, is thinning on top. He was no more thrilled than you are… & he was much less funny about it. 🙂
Andi-Roo /// @theworld4realz
http://www.theworld4realz.com/
theworldforrealz@gmail.com
Gwennie says:
All I’ve got to say is… “LIVE MAN, LIVE!!!! Live every day as if it were your last… Because in many ways, they are…” Hahahaha! Definitely a classic horseshoe pattern i am spyin’ up there and that creeper stare isn’t helping your sitch any… But I still adore you!!! Lol
D.J. Paris says:
Great timing, as I recently told my hot blonde hubz that he, too, is thinning on top. He was no more thrilled than you are… & he was much less funny about it. 🙂
Andi-Roo /// @theworld4realz
http://www.theworld4realz.com/
theworldforrealz@gmail.com
Sandra Jeanne says:
Please note that Ptmartinez said you’re not going BOLD. Baldness was never mentioned. That’s because you are, of course, going bald, and in some part of my evil heart, under my sagging left breast, I’m thrilled that men don’t escape aging unscathed.