Santa Fe With Mom – In Photos – Part II

As you may have read in my last post, these reports are about my vacation here in Santa Fe with my mom.

To recap my last entry, I had a super great time in Taos with a llama.   It’s weird to have an animal who is near my height that will walk with you and carry your stuff.     They’re even a little bashful – when they have to go to the bathroom, they leave the trail and go off to the side!   Just like me!

Enough about the llamas.   I’m even boring myself.   (I’m just kidding.   I never bore myself.)

Another thing that’s worth mentioning is this spa we visited.   My mom and I drove an hour up to Ojo Caliente for a day of relaxation.   It’s been hard eating nothing but food with green chiles for three days.   Well, it has actually been sort of hard on my fanny.   And my mother who is sharing a room with said fanny.

How come nobody says the word fanny in America?   I know in England it means vagina, but here it just means your backside.   Plus, it’s super-hilarious.   Let’s all make a more concerted effort, okay?

Ojo Caliente is best known for having really amazing natural springs.   Think hot-tubs, but with other shit in them besides water.

The four types of springs are:

• Iron
• Soda
• Mud
• Arsenic

So, after you get your robe on, and a shower (which, by the way, I didn’t do), you can then enter the spa pools.   Each pool is supposed to have unique healing properties, and do different stuff to your body.   I’m sure it’s all nonsense.   I, however, felt the best in the arsenic pool.   I didn’t have the balls to take a drink of it, though.

The mud pool is a lot of fun.   First you go to this big bowl of mud.   Then you slather it all over yourself like a moron.   Next, you hang out in the sun until it’s all baked on.   Then, after looking like you developed a really sever case of vitiligo, you jump in the mud pool and pee like crazy.   Okay, that’s not in the official instructions.   You’re just supposed to hang out there while the mud washes off.

Anyway, it was really fun, and I’m sure offered no dermatological value.

My mom and I did two hiking things, and we had both never hiked before.   Spoiler – it’s like walking but costs $220.   But our guide did provide water.   I’m sort of making a joke, but I would like to go hiking again.   I’ll even buy some hiking shoes and not wear khaki dress shorts!

I had a lot of fun here in Santa Fe, although the general energy is a little too laid back for me.   I mean, they have two Whole Foods in a town of only seventy thousand people.   Hippies are right at home.   As long as you’re a hippie that has 700k to buy a studio apartment, that is.   The art is amazing, though, and if you’re one of those gluten defectives, then this is the place for you.

Well, between the food, outdoors, and the arts, Santa Fe is a pretty fantastic town.   Now, back to Chicago.   Tried to come up with a joke there.   Failed.

See, that’s what this place does!   Kills all jokes.   Nobody has a sense of humor here – they’re not uptight.   They’re downtight.   Nothing gets to them.   Seriously, you can’t find anyone who gets the least bit excited or anything here.   It’s all one gigantic Valium trip.

My humor may be gone, but my body and mind are relaxed.   Which is way overrated.   I need some stimulation.   If you’re not getting all riled up and upset all day long, I can’t really relate to you.

But it was a nice escape for the past four days.

Goodbye Santa Fe!   (Don’t you hate when writers do that?   Lame!)