I’ve written about this before – how I scammed my way up Google charts to be #1 for “best blogs” and such.
This was pre-Penguin (Google update that ousted all the bozos like me) and the times were good. I was getting courted by corporate advertisers who thought I was a big deal. That’s all dried up now, and I’m building the brand the same way anyone who never gets a big viral hit does – one reader at a time.
By far the most read stories on my site are the two that I wrote about my father’s genitalia. Today alone nearly two hundred people read these posts. That’s about an average day. Understand that I do not advertise or promote those posts anywhere. They are beloved but not as well written as Beloved by Toni Morrison.
Anything pun related is simply good fun.
Well, just for poops tonight I decided to check my analytics which I pretty much never do. It’s a losing game. I either experience a high akin to that of an opiate addict at a hookah festival or severe depression like that of an opiate addict who attends a non-hookah festival. Same thing with non-comment counts. I’ll write something I believe is my best work, or worse yet, brings me to tears, and one person comments. I’m not complaining. I just try not to look at stuff like numbers because I have very little control. And it just bums me out.
Like tonight.
I used to look religiously at my analytics like when I was #1 for big keywords. I would take screenshots just so I could brag to myself!
Well since I don’t show up on those search results any longer, where do I show up?
The most common is for people literally typing in “Thoughts From Paris.” Okay, that’s logical. Maybe they’re searching directly for me. A friend could have referred them. Or they could be big French fans that are looking for memoir stuff from the city of love. Or maybe crazed Paris Hilton (remember her?) admirers that hope that a book with this title has been written and available for purchase from Amazon.
The next most common search term to which people find me is… ahem… hmm…
“penis stories”
Sadly, this is not a joke. Go ahead and type it into Google. I show up #2. Plus, Google now shows my picture next to the result. Even better.
Let’s discuss the psychology of the person who does this search. You know what? I’m not going to. I have no idea who searches for this keyword string. Could be men, women, older, younger. No idea. Gay? Straight? I’m at a total loss.
Here’s the question. When they click on the blog and up comes my story – are they happy with the result? Would Google get a “thumbs-up” on relevancy? Did we meet their needs? I suspect in many cases not.
If you did the same search for “funny penis stories” (as I just did for a goof), I see that I am #4. This makes sense – well, in the respect that I did write exactly two funny penis stories.
Well, everyone needs their marker in life. Mine is about what I thought it would ultimately be.
