I have to say that in some ways I’m not like you.
For example you most likely haven’t talked about conditioning your private hair with your father. Or confessed that during phone conversations with loved ones you do inappropriate personal activity. Also, you probably don’t ride a bike to work with a dog in a backpack. Your first, middle, and last names probably aren’t as unusual as mine (plus I’m a “third”) for a pale while boy with blonde hair.
One of the things I’ve always done to feel important is to see myself as different. When I’m different I matter. I’m somebody. People can marvel at my distinctions and be impressed. They will love me because I’m so unique.
What that got me was a lot of non-intimate friendships and people feeling (I’m guessing) that I wasn’t allowing them to see my vulnerability and pain. Which was true.
I’m not so much that way anymore. As I spend time in connection with other people the more I realize my friends are pretty much that same as me. The pal who has a better financial situation than I do, he has fear about paying for his child’s college in sixteen years. The guy that has the perfect marriage feels that he has taken a backseat in importance to their children. Oh, and everbody’s worried about losing their jobs. Lastly, apparently wives aren’t always giving their husbands enough sex.
A few weeks ago while I was biking (this is my fourth year riding to work) I noticed a slight pain in my right knee. I just thought I must be leaning on it too much during my morning commute.
Now, when I get up after sitting on the ground, which, strangely I do a lot, I can feel that same slight pain. It’s a 1/10 and I don’t notice it other than occasionally riding. If I never rode a bike I bet I would have never felt it.
It’s a small example and certainly a lucky first experience with this, but my body is getting older and things will start to not work the same as they did.
This is hard for me to comprehend as I’ve never had a broken bone, major health issue, chronic condition, or even a back ache. My joints, hips, knees, and crotch all work flawlessly. Sorry for that. Cheap joke. Crotch = hilarious, though. Great word.
My parents don’t suffer from any physical ailments either which is unusual for people in their mid sixties. Maybe we’re just lucky. We’re certainly not pounding it out at the gym every day.
But yeah, over time stuff will stop working the way it did. The fact that I made it to thirty-six before I had any pain of any kind is remarkable. Again, just genes, I guess.
And oh yeah, over the past few years I learned that I can get fat like other people. That was disappointing too.
So, the truth is, that I am like you. I need approval, I have fear and sadness, my knee hurts, and I need to watch my calories. I’m still funnier and have better hair, but, hey – truth is truth.
Now, I’m going to go check out the glucosamine aisle at the grocery. With all the old people.
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