I’m not sure you can relate to this, but each year I send out about forty holiday cards, and at best, receive ten back.
Do I have crappy friends? Possibly.
Or maybe I just send cards out to people that don’t send out cards.
Either way, I don’t get angry about it. But I do get sad.
I have noticed that over the years I have not traditionally received a lot of holiday card love. But I don’t think it has to do with anyone other than me. That somehow it’s my fault. And by saying this, I’m not in denial, nor I am not trying to be “nice” or diplomatic to the a-holes that read this who get my cards and don’t send back.
If I send you a card and you don’t reciprocate, I won’t hold it against you.
You don’t get deleted from next year’s list, and I don’t put your photo on a dartboard.
Also, I won’t be sticking pins in the voodoo doll I have of you.
By the way, is voodoo a real thing? I feel like it just exists in horror movies, with the crazy backwoods voodoo lady who accurately predicts upcoming murders because she has visions. She usually does some sort of animal sacrifice, which fouls out the teenagers that have come to see her. Either way, they ignore her, and all but one of the teenagers gets offed. Also, she always wears a bandana.
I feel like in real life voodoo and witchcraft must not actually be that effective of a religion since nobody I know in any position of power seems to practice it. Either way, it’s would be pretty cool to see a cauldron.
Back to holiday cards – each year I try to make mine memorable. By memorable I mean, of course, funny and inappropriate. I wrote a post on this earlier this year, and it’s that time of the year again to get this new batch ready.
I came up with a pretty solid idea during Thanksgiving, and have it nearly finished. While not my best, it’s a solid eight.
So, what does not receiving cards back say about me? Am I the crappy friend? Perhaps. I’ve always wondered what it means that I send out so many and get so few back. I’m pretty sure it’s not personal. I doubt anyone is intentionally not sending me one.
But again, I get sad. My default is to feel like a failure, that I’m not measuring up in life. So, when I don’t get the cards back, I do feel like it validates my bigger fear – that I suck.
I get that this line of thinking is not actually what’s going on. It probably just means I send cards to people who don’t send cards. But I look for any excuse to validate my fears. I suspect we all do.
I hope somebody can relate to this holiday card sadness, and then comments about it below, so that I don’t feel like such a loser writing this and not getting any comments back.
See what I did there? Clever, no?
I’ll be announcing a holiday contest giveaway for you, my ThoughtsFromParis Superfans (Yes, I capitalized the “s”. That’s how much I love you!). Get excited! Or just get more excited than your normal state. Which, I’m assuming is less than “excited.” Because I’m not sure that you can get more excited than excited. Seems like a logical impossibility. Okay, I’m spinning out here. Exit.
Susan K says:
I think sending cards is a lost art form, think of yourself as more cultured. It’s not you.
D.J. Paris says:
@Susan K You just earned a spot on the “not getting a card” list.
Jennifeckingfer says:
I have a brilliant idea. You can send cards to the people who send cards to me and would not normally receive one back, and I will give you mine. You get cards, I get absolved of guilt. Yes! WIN.
Jennifeckingfer says:
p.s. Do you mind sticking a picture of my fam in the cards you send? kthxbai
rjacobs says:
@Jennifeckingfer
Dont’ you have a husband or something??? So if you havent noticed your not funny…..obviously you have nothing better to do but to put unwanted post. Military wives must always try to find guys on the internet. GET A LIFE!!! GET your own christmas cards!! You really shouldnt put peoples names in your mouth unless you know them. SEND YOUR OWN FAMILY CARDS!!
Jennifeckingfer says:
@rjacobs Hey! No problem. I was going to anyway. Sorry to upset you so. Peace. 🙂
Diana Jordan says:
@rjacobs Don’t you have a soul? Obviously not, since you have the time to anonymously attack a random stranger on the internet. YOU get a life, get some friends, and get a job – and try to not be such a worthless POS.
D.J. Paris says:
@Diana Jordan@rjacobs Okay, I’d prefer it if anyone has an issue with anyone else, that they take it over to another blog, preferably one less funny. 🙂
Your Mother says:
@Diana Jordan @rjacobs Wow, and the pot calls the kettle black! No one should really be attacking anyone, especially not on a humor blog. While I give @jennifeckingfer loads of credit for taking the high road and behaving like a lady in this instance, I have to also give credit to @rjacobs for actually having a point (albeit aggressively delivered). The lady of topic is in fact married to a man in the military who has been deployed, and has made a number of comments directed to the blogger of Thoughts From Paris that I am quite certain her husband would be dismayed and hurt to read – including but limited to discussion of said blogger’s penis, having sexual relations with said blogger, “getting jiggy,†getting drunk while the children are decorating for Christmas, and homicidal possessiveness of said blogger. The last of which could be construed as threatening. Is this all in the name of humor? Yes, most likely. Is it also meant to garner attention and combat loneliness and insecurity? Probably also, yes. Is it also disrespectful – of the commenter’s husband, the blogger, the blogger’s lady, and of the commenter herself? Yes, absolutely!
What all of you ladies need to take to heart is you are most certainly judged by what you put out for people to see. I’m sure @jennifeckingfer does not intend to be viewed as an attention seeking, drunk, drug using, unfaithful wife any more than @rjacobs wants to be viewed as angry and aggressive or @diana Jordan wants to be revealed as an imbecile who cannot seem to make congruent correlations and reverts to name calling like an elementary school child. This is a fantastic blog! It is hilarious and honest and insightful and full of emotion – the kind that many of us are often too scared to put into words and/or share with the world. There is no place for cat fighting or name calling or negative reinforcement here…this is a place for finding a laugh and an introspective connection to a brilliant writer who is fumbling his way through his own self discover and entertaining us all with his hilarity as he goes. Let’s keep this environment as it is meant to be – a happy place where everyone can be themselves without being judged!
D.J. Paris says:
@Your Mother@Diana@rjacobs@Jennifeckingfer Now, let’s all get along and let me send each of you a holiday card! View my latest post for details!
Jennifeckingfer says:
@Your Mother I wish that I, like you, had kept my identity a secret. But instead I trusted that my humor (!) would be seen as such, and taken with a good chuckle, especially since the blog owner himself seems to have no problem with it, and uses “inappropriate” humor quite a lot.
I daresay that having a couple of glasses of wine while decorating the Christmas tree was a lot less shocking to my children (who do not happen to peruse the internet and read my blog comments) than finding me sobbing in front of my computer when they awoke this morning. You are clearly someone who knows me, which makes this whole thing baffling and cruel. The truth – and yes, there is some truth here. I would be dishonest to deny it – is not best delivered in this sort of forum, but in a loving, personal manner. This place is not reality. It’s supposed to be fun.
D.J. Paris says:
@Jennifeckingfer@Your Mother Yes, let’s have fun. Or let’s keep fighting. Either way, I’m cool with it. 🙂
Your Mother says:
@Jennifeckingfer I’m sorry that you were upset to the point of tears by my comment. I hope it makes you feel better that I 100% do not know you personally, professionally, or in any other manner apart from our interaction on this blog. Thank you for also proving my point. The information you put out on the internet via your comments, your blog, and your Facebook page was all I had to formulate my opinion. Clearly it was on point enough to hit home with you, else you would not have been so upset. I hope it also gives you a moment’s pause to consider the effect of that information on yourself and those around you.
In reference to your comment that “This place is not reality. It’s supposed to be fun.†allow me serve you up a steaming hot dose of reality – this is a publicly accessible blog, where, ironically, the blogger himself talks about his experiences and his day to day life. This forum is reality and not a personal fantasy world between you and the blogger that no one else has access to. What you put out there, you are leaving out for the review and judgment of others. I can’t speak to whether or not the blogger has a “problem†with the content of your humor, but I have a feeling that your husband would. That’s not to say that many of your comments aren’t funny, because most of them are, but trying to get attention through sexual innuendo toward a total stranger is an indication of a much larger problem. And writing a whole passage on your possessive, homicidal jealousy (in jest or not) is just legally imbecilic. Telling the world that you have a vagina and you are not afraid to get drunk and use it with a stranger, while your husband is away, is probably not the message you intended with your “humor.â€
As for my identity being a secret, it’s nothing of the sort – it’s called discretion. Think about it.
D.J. Paris says:
@Your Mother@Jennifeckingfer Just so that everyone knows, my commenting system rolled out a “guest commenting” feature, so that if you would prefer to do so anonymously, you can! (let me know if it isn’t working) Also, you can change your username (I think) any time you want.
nulsenjb says:
I haven’t received a card from you in quite some time, but my parents still receive ass-loads of solicitations targeting the Nulsen Construction Company. The gift that keeps on giving.
D.J. Paris says:
@nulsenjb Signing you up for over 500 railroad vendors to receive all their literature was maybe the greatest gag I’ve ever pulled.
helen_g says:
I hate sending Christmas cards. Every single year, my beloved husband says “it’s time to get some photos”, and on the rare occasion we have everyone in the same place at the same time, somehow we just manage to NOT take any natural looking pics. So then he gets cross and lines us all up and then careens into the frame at the last moment, grinning maniacally. Not good. So then because we look like one of the families on http://www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com I drag my heels somewhat at actually sending the damn things anywhere. I think last year my beloved dug the pile of ready-to-go Christmas letters out from where I had cunningly stashed them, and mailed them in february.
It’s not you. It is much more likely to be people just like me. Awful really
D.J. Paris says:
@helen_g You’re the problem! All of my rage and anger will now be directed at you. Congrats!
aczielke says:
I think I’ll send a couple Christmas cards this year. Send me your address and maybe I’ll hand deliver it while I’m at Green Mill this weekend! Or I’ll snail mail it. Either way.
D.J. Paris says:
@aczielke You’re going to the Green Mill? Let me know and I’ll pop by for a drink! I love meeting my fans! (plus it’s exactly 77 steps from my condo)
Your Mother says:
Wow, and the pot calls the kettle black! No one should really be attacking anyone, especially not on a humor blog. While I give @jennifeckingfer loads of credit for taking the high road and behaving like a lady in this instance, I have to also give credit to @rjacobs for actually having a point (albeit aggressively delivered). The lady of topic is in fact married to a man in the military who has been deployed, and has made a number of comments directed to the blogger of Thoughts From Paris that I am quite certain her husband would be dismayed and hurt to read – including but limited to discussion of said blogger’s penis, having sexual relations with said blogger, “getting jiggy,†getting drunk while the children are decorating for Christmas, and homicidal possessiveness of said blogger. The last of which could be construed as threatening. Is this all in the name of humor? Yes, most likely. Is it also meant to garner attention and combat loneliness and insecurity? Probably also, yes. Is it also disrespectful – of the commenter’s husband, the blogger, the blogger’s lady, and of the commenter herself? Yes, absolutely!
What all of you ladies need to take to heart is you are most certainly judged by what you put out for people to see. I’m sure @jennifeckingfer does not intend to be viewed as an attention seeking, drunk, drug using, unfaithful wife any more than @rjacobs wants to be viewed as angry and aggressive or @diana Jordan wants to be revealed as an imbecile who cannot seem to make congruent correlations and reverts to name calling like an elementary school child. This is a fantastic blog! It is hilarious and honest and insightful and full of emotion – the kind that many of us are often too scared to put into words and/or share with the world. There is no place for cat fighting or name calling or negative reinforcement here…this is a place for finding a laugh and an introspective connection to a brilliant writer who is fumbling his way through his own self discover and entertaining us all with his hilarity as he goes. Let’s keep this environment as it is meant to be – a happy place where everyone can be themselves without being judged!
al215 says:
I enjoy writing Holiday Cards, usually. Yes I think writing by hand is a lost art. The point is to send those people a card, because you want to ,sort-of the same as gift giving as a gesture of kindness, not because you are counting and keeping tabs on the gifts you get back.
But I’m sorry you feel bad that each one of those people didn’t send a card back. I’ve had years where I send out more cards than I recieve, ones where I recieve more, and one’s where it’s closr to equal. Perhaps in general the holidays are just a time of let-down, and stress (thus the reason I googled and came up with your blog here).
And by the way I’ve actually done the voo-doo, And have a cauldron. It’s a pot I bought at the store :o) . And also You look a lot like my older son. No it won’t let me comment as guest, I have to create an account.
D.J. Paris says:
@al215 I actually sent out cards to readers this year. I’ll post about it soon. One of my better cards. Thanks for reading! Make sure to click “like” above for the Facebook page so that you’ll get notified of upcoming posts.
al215 says:
well I thin it does give me the option to post as guest but that’s after I create an account.
D.J. Paris says:
@al215 Thanks for the heads-up. I’ll see what’s goofy. Happy holidays!
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