My Body Writhes In Pleasure (on its own)

The Wang Show will begin in six minutes. Tell the neighbors!

This is maybe the weirdest thing about me, physically.

I’ll try to explain it because there’s no way in hell I’m going to show it to you. Let’s start at the beginning. When I was nineteen I bought a Steven Halpern chakra balancing cd. Right away I could feel these seven centers of energy, and could adjust the intensity of the feelings by focusing on them. During the music my head would lightly sway side to side. It was not me moving my head, or at least I wasn’t consciously. It just moved on it’s own.

Now, don’t worry. I’m not so far gone I think that God or some angels or telepathic aliens were moving my head. I just figured it was a natural relaxation response from the body. I didn’t study new age crap or meditate or wear crystals around my neck to ward off goblins. I just had the one cd.

Since I was in college and trying to score, I ultimately forgot about the Halpern cd and stopped listening. Then, during a summer break, I was having an eye exam. The doctor left the room for a few minutes and I was in that super comfortable chair with dimmed lights. I was tired and starting to pass out. While I was relaxing, my head started moving again. Not side to side, but front to back. Like little bobs. Not the kind that happen if you actually nod off sitting up. It sort of freaked me out, but they felt natural and pleasant.

Then from there on out, every time I would consciously relax by laying down or sitting doing a visualization, my head would bob like crazy. I could stop it whenever I wanted, but it was so pleasurable I usually wouldn’t. Scared that I was developing a neurological condition like Parkinsons, I visited a doctor. He basically laughed and said I checked out just fine.

In my mid-twenties the two movements started combining. I’d be laying in bed listening to a relaxation cd and my head would go front to back and side to side. I would just let it happen. The only problem is that I get mostion sickness easily, and I would have to stop it after a few minutes.

These movements would come and go and I’d have them once or twice a week just before bed.

When I met my future wife (now ex) I showed her how my head writhed around during relaxation. It freaked her out because it looks spooky I’m sure. My head would now move all over the place, exploring every possible movement. Since I was conscious during this I would say, “Isn’t this cool?” She would make me promise to stop as it upset her. I understand. It’s goofy.

Smash cut to a few years later where I was on this weekend  men’s retreat. We were doing some physical stretches one morning and during a stretch my arms started moving on their own, just like my head. I surrendered to it, and since nobody was watching me, I just let whatever happened happen.

My arms flailed around, not violently, but like a baby’s might lying in a crib. It felt very natural and pleasant just like all the other movements. After that incident, sometimes laying in bed, my head, arms, and legs started going nuts at the same time. I was literally writing around my bed like a lunatic. It would happen for about a minute and then would stop on its own. I would be completely relaxed and immediately fall asleep.

Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to take some video. It has to be super weird looking. My girlfriend Jessica has seen it and isn’t remotely concerned. It’s just interesting to her.

I’ve done some searching online because I can’t be the only person having this experience. There’s a bunch of Indian words for these automatic-movements, one of which is called kriyas. I reached out to a few meditation centers in Chicago (I still have never meditated, done yoga, or made a vision board) but they didn’t know what I was talking about.

So, there. Now you know the weirdest thing about me. My whole body automatically writhes around in pleasure. If it turns out I have some sort of central nervous system disorder, I will hit you up for donations. I’m also thinking of doing a web-cam show, but unlike strippers, you’re going to pay to watch me squirm around like a psychotic. Only $3.99 per ten minutes. Oh, and I’ll be clothed.

I might be squirming around in bed on camera, but you will never see my wang. (unless you pay $5.99 – then it’s all-wang, all the time)

The Wang Show will begin in six minutes. Tell the neighbors!

photo credit: Ryan Tir via photopin cc