Last Night I Woke Up With This Joke

Since my biology is very dear to my readers I feel it important for you to know that at least once during the night I’m awakened by nature’s call.

Thankfully I sleep mere feet from my bathroom and I simply roll out of bed, take a few steps, and complete the task at hand. I can do it while still dreaming.

Last night as this particular event transpired, I woke up completely. This probably happens four times a year. Instead of rushing to the restroom in a fugue state I was wide awake. Why? Because, upon awakening, the funniest joke in the world had popped into my head. And I was excited.

I consider such events to be divine gifts. Not from God as I hope he’s too busy dealing with Africa to send me jokes. No, this was a gift from my subconscious mind. In almost every instance, however, by morning these jokes has left me. It’s critical, in the time where it’s in my head, to do one of two things:

• Get to a pen/paper and record said genius
• Repeat joke to myself twenty times in my head

It’s not likely that I’m going to turn the light on, grab a Bic and a stenopad, and start writing. I do keep my phone by the bed and can bark into a voice-note, but this requires I look at the light from the phone screen which wakes me up. Also, no good. My last option is the best, although riskiest, for someone that is trying to remember something but not quite willing to do anything physical to record it.

While I’m using the facilities I run the joke in my head as many times as I can in hopes of it becoming seared into my brain. This is the least effective technique and has almost never worked becoming forgotten by the morning.

This time, however, it stuck.

At the time of the joke inception it almost always seems to be the funniest thing ever constructed by human. This is why I take it so seriously and attempt to commit it to memory. With one or two exceptions, I also burn myself. Meaning, the joke always sucks come morning light.

This was one of those times. I’m blogging about this to show you how my stupid brain works. I didn’t go to bed with a “must write a joke about Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption, but it happened. I’m not even a big fan of the movie, nor have I seen it in at least seven years. It’s a fine movie but not one that I need to see over and over again. I get it. You go to jail, meet a guy, fix your life, and tunnel out though a sewer of doody. I remember the novella – I read it in seventh grade. It wasn’t quite as poetic as the movie.

Well, there’s this line from the movie where Morgan Freeman’s character says, “[in prison you either] Get busy living or get busy dying.” It’s the most quoted phrase in the movie.

When I woke up that line popped into my head as me doing an impersonation of Morgan Freeman. You really should hear the voice I do trying to imitate him. It’s atrocious. His character Red in the movie is very soft and quiet with low energy. My rewrite of the line with the joke is…

Red:  Get busy living or get busy dying or just get BIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAY!!!

The idea that he would be calm through the important part of the message and then transform into an obnoxious club promoter or DJ from the early 90s was funny to me. Plus, “gettin’ busy” is also a reference to finding a sexual partner which is a funny thing to say in prison. Again, in the bathroom in the dark this seemed like my finest work.

It is not my finest work.

I do, out of respect, need to give my brain some props. At least it’s trying.