I always wanted to write a piece where I used the word “precipice.”
Just wanted to say that. Great opener, yes?
Let’s move on.
We all need a council of people that will tell us the truth even when it hurts. If you don’t have such a group, you may want to build that into your life.
(that was the original opener)
No, scratch that. You NEED to build that into your life.
Mine is my pal Karen.
She’s not afraid to tell me when my writing sucks. She’ll call me out when I use a literary trick to get attention. If I tweet out something that’s hacky, I’ll incur her disapproval. She’s a critical and tough broad.
But, you see, I employ her to do hold me accountable to my authenticity.
The bottom line is that I’m not always conscious about what’s in my best interest. I’m not always aware of my true motivations. Sometimes I know exactly what I’m doing when I try to trick the reader using a cute allegory, and I do it anyway.
Karen brings me back to authenticity, which, as I’ve come to believe is the only real goal of life. Brene Brown writes about connection being the most important human quality, but that only through authenticity can connection exist.
Which means that I must get present for my motivations. I need to ask myself before tweeting out something , “Am I really being funny here or am I just looking for attention?” Or, “Is this blog post reflective of what’s really happening a deeper level in my life?”
Most of the time, my authenticity is demonstrated appropriately in this blog. Sure, I fire off a nice crotch joke from time to time, but that’s just because dick humor is awesome. Vagina humor, too. Especially vaginas.
I have in my mental possession a vagina joke so offensive (but hilarious) that is would upset a majority of my readers.
But, I didn’t write the amazing vagina joke. Also, I would be submitting it for shock value. Not authentic.
This blog started out as a bastion for sophomoric humor. And, to be honest, I’m damned good at that stuff. Even a cursory glance through my Top 20 stories will demonstrate that ability. But over time I realized, like Brene Brown teaches, that I really just want to connect. I already know I’m funny.
Could I have the strength to share the pain of divorce or the shame of illegally downloading music or how sometimes I just need a virtual hug? Will that connect with a reader? Does that matter to me? What if nobody comments?
Here’s a current embarrassing truth – I’m close to 100k Twitter followers. In my mind crossing over that threshold means something important. Of course when I pass that marker nothing will change. The next milestone will be set and I’ll delude myself into thinking that’s the magic number to fulfillment.
After bragging on Facebook and Twitter, I’ll call up Karen. She’ll allow me to boast, congratulate me, and then cut me off. “So, what’s really going on in your life?”
The truth is that I’ve been slacking lately and not writing, yet it’s my favorite daily activity. I’ve become scared of this blog. That I don’t have anything of worth to say. Fear has paralyzed my ability to act. I’m not even sure what I’m afraid of – last year I posted every single day without a miss. This year, barely a hundred published.
So even this post, as all over the place as it is, is a massive step forward. And, I know, that in a few weeks, I’ll be back to my normal self. I will go through highs and lows. From time time I will write shitty pieces. I will brag about accomplishments for attention. I will pepper in dirty one-liners because I’m afraid to publish too serious of a story.
But I will also stand on that precipice where I’m afraid to tell the truth. Most of the time I’ll push through it and lean into the fear. Sometimes I’ll wuss out.
Did you notice that I figured out how to weave in precipice? Full circle, motherfuckers!
AlwaysARedhead says:
All of this in my mind makes you very normal . You may not like that comment, but if you ask your friend, I believe she will agree.
D.J. Paris says:
Ha! Yeah, I’m normal enough. Although I did write a post about queefs last night. That’s not exactly super-normal. It’s gross, yes. But not normal.
Natalie - The Cat Lady Sings says:
Oh yeah. Been in this place. Thanks for being real and putting it out there – some of us are afraid of this place and just ignore it. Points to you for honesty.
And you’re lucky to have someone like that in your life. I didn’t for years, and became fakey and roboty. Thank God someone calls me on that shit now.
Also, nice use of the word “precipice.”
D.J. Paris says:
Hey N!
I doubt you have ever been fakey and roboty. Also, I totally have been a dick and not checked out your (or anyone’s – for real) blog. I’m going to read today. I have over 300 posts I have to read from others. I’ve been a selfish dick. BH2014 next summer!
Annie says:
For a second there I thought this’d be one of those “I’m done blogging”-type of posts and I was ready to figuratively yell NOOO!!! Whew.. Glad to know you’ll be back and don’t worry about what we might think of any absences. Blogging breaks keep us sane & from jumping onto that precipice! (<<did that work? Hehe)
Keep up the great work and post whatever you want to post! (After all that's what's gotten TFP to where it is today..)
D.J. Paris says:
Ha! No, I’m way to self-obsessed to stop blogging. Thanks for your readership and keep up the ranting – you latinas are great at that.
Kate Hall says:
DJ, what I love most about your blog is that you’re honest AND you make me laugh – both of those together. You do them both VERY well. BTW, I’ve got one of Brene Brown’s books on hold at the library. I’ve been waiting so long I might have to just break down and buy it. I’ve heard great things about it.
I just reached 10,000 tweets last night. That was a pretty big deal for me. It was kind of fun. I celebrated with some of my followers…via Twitter. Good times.
D.J. Paris says:
Kate! Love me some KH. Can’t wait to see you again for BlogHer 2014, but I guess we technically could hang out more often right here. Ha!
Kate Hall says:
Sadly, I don’t think I’m going to BH ’14. I was hoping to go to the Erma Bombeck workshop, but the thing sold out in 12 hours. I’m on the waiting list.
D.J. Paris says:
I thought I was going too, until I realized it was sold out. I’m on the list. I literally pray to God that every day someone who signed up dies. His will be thy done.
Okay, that’s not true.
I’m heading to NMX (also awesome) in January. I’ll tell you, you absolutely must come to the AimingLow Non Con in 2014. It is so much fun. Small and intimate but with all the big hitters who teach great stuff.
Kate Hall says:
haha! Where’s the Non Con going to be in 2014?
D.J. Paris says:
We don’t know yet – will keep you posted. I’m at NMX right now.
barbie says:
Nice to have a friend to tell you that most of your fears are really just 1st world problems.
D.J. Paris says:
Hi Barbie!
True enough. You need someone that’ll smack you atop the head from time to time. It’s healthy.
Leigh Ann says:
“But over time I realized, like Brene Brown teaches, that I really just want to connect. I already know I’m funny.” <— I read that line 3 times. I think all too many times I strive for the laugh when I don't have to. I can be funny just being me. And I get a much better response when I'm authentic, when I admit my struggles in being a parent or even my struggles being a writer. And my caring about the response means that of course I'm here for the connection too.
D.J. Paris says:
Somebody read something of mine 3x? You should find better things to do. Ha! Owning your reality is what binds people to you. It’s the only way to go. And trust me, it’s always more entertaining than a regular joke. Keep writing and connecting!
Anastasia says:
Thanks for sharing. Its not funny that’s its funny that I can relate. Doesn’t make sense, which is perfect for me because Im generally a wordy hot mess. I had a humor blog, last year. My view count was that magic connecting number for me and I hated myself for it over time. I tried to post twice a week writing funny stories… People laughed and it was a great bandaid. Until one day I felt like a sac of shit and thought “ah fuck something bad is about to happen…” And decided to close it. I hid the fact that I was an artist and a more serious writer all that time. Opened up a new site, my current site; and on my first post got more views in 12 hours than I had in one month on my other website. The big moral to the story for me there was to stop being an asshole and quit hiding from myself. Love your big word choice by the way.
-A
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks for the narrative! Good to hear your struggle. Now, onto my evaluation. You’re nuts. Run, do not walk to the nearest psych ward.
Kidding.
Seriously, I wish I could produce art. All I do is a mild version of writing-art which is mostly centered around fart humor. Yes, keep telling the truth. It’s what we crave!
DC Dana says:
This was great! And I totally agree. It definitely helps to have “critical and tough broads” around 🙂 Or dudes. What’s the male version of a broad? I need one of those…
D.J. Paris says:
The male version of a broad is a “dick.” Yep – you need more dicks.
Irene Barnett says:
So, it’s not just me? Heavy sigh of relief! I gotta believe any creative process ebbs and flows. You have to be somewhat delusional to think anyone wants to read your stuff. I’m still amazed even my best friends and family can stand reading what I put out there. We are a delicate bunch! Keep forging through it DJ – you were one of the first bloggers I connected to and a big reason I even gave it all a try. One of these days, I hope to meet you and my other “ghost” friends in real life!!! You are a rock star in my book.
D.J. Paris says:
Wow – glad I sort of inspired you. Or maybe it’s kind of an insult like, “Well, if you can do it, so can I!â€
Come to NMX 2014 in Las Vegas, Aiming Low’s Non Conference 2014, or BlogHer 2014 and I’ll be there! Let’s meet!
farhad says:
Understand English, reading and writing, it is very hard for me, but I can tell you? Thank you for your Message and Content
but I can tell you? For everyone? wrong comment could be his precipice.
D.J. Paris says:
Hi Farshad!
Thanks for reading! I appreciate you trying this when English is difficult.