I Just Woke Up Out of a Deep Sleep…

…to write this post for you.

As you may know I have written every day this year so far.  I laid down (lie, lied, lay, laid? – nobody knows for sure) to just rest for a few minutes at around 9pm.  Two hours later I woke up with a mild annoyance that I had forgot to do something.  So here I am.  Appreciate the dedication!  Or don’t.

Okay, so now that I’m up I’d like to yell a question at you for a second.

WHY HAVE NONE OF YOU EVER OFFERED TO TAKE ME CAMPING?

But D.J., you seem nice and all – but I’m just a reader!  I don’t have your number, and you look like you could get a little “handsy” once the sun goes down.

I’m not just yelling at you.  Nobody has ever asked me to camp.  I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m not even entirely sure what camping is all about.  Or what’s so attractive about it.

Now, I’m not above sleeping outside with the dirt.  I bike to and from work, ten miles each way and I get sweaty and gross.  If I drop a piece of food outside on the ground, I’ll pick it up and eat it.  I literally can fall asleep on the hardwood in my living room without a pillow.  Sitting and doing nothing is part of my daily routine.  I feel these are all qualities that would make me a great camper.

Nobody has ever given me a clear answer on, “So what exactly do you do when you camp?”

By the way, the only answer you hear to that questions is, “Um… Well, there’s hiking.”  First of all, the guys that scale Mt. Fuji, those are hikers.  Roaming for an hour in Timberlands around a small lake isn’t hiking.  It’s just walking.  So, let’s knock it off with the “hiking.”

Also, let’s not lump in fishing, either.  Nobody really likes to fish.  The guys that do (it’s only guys) are serious about it and don’t go hiking to fish.  They drive somewhere remote with their tackle boxes and funky hats and night crawlers.  They don’t mix hiking and fishing.

But there must be something fun about camping.  Tons of people do it.  It’s like smoking.  I don’t smoke anymore but when I did from fifteen to nineteen, I totally understood why millions smoke.  A cigarette high is absolutely amazing.  One of the best feelings ever.  So, maybe camping has something I’m missing.

I don’t have any of the gear, either.  I bought a sleeping bag earlier this year.  It’s okay, I guess.

Lastly, where do cans of beans fit in?  You have to get cans of beans, right?  Oh, and somebody probably has to have some crazy sterno cooking contraption.  I’ve seen enough movies to know if you just try to make a fire and cook over it you end up eating  cold beans out of the can.

Okay, I promise if you invite me camping, I will go.  I will try not to be ultra-critical of the whole experience, but I do expect to be “wowed” at some point.  I’m waiting for the Evite.

photo credit:  Al_HikesAZ  via  photo pin  cc