I Just Voted For 75 Judges For Some Reason

I just realized – those jokers never gave me a sticker!

Not that I wanted one. Okay, I wanted one. I want one so bad right now. I’d put it on so many things. Like my sweater/jacket until it was defeated by fuzz thirty seconds later. Then, I’d stick it on my forehead and upload it to Facebook because that’s… well… it’s just plain hilarious!

The place I went to vote is a rundown church a few blocks away. I took the elevator up four flights, walked around a few corners and ended up in a good sized theater with stadium seating. It must be eighty years old with all the molding and pillars and stuff. Very cool. Probably seated a hundred people or so. That’s Chicago for you. Neat stuff in old buildings. I’ve lived here for eight years and never knew it existed.

In my neighborhood cluttered with people on social programs, hardly anyone votes. This is fantastic as I don’t have to wait in any sort of line. When I walked in the pollsters seemed thrilled that someone had sobered enough to vote.

When they found my name in the chart I made a joke about how it’s crazy you don’t need any identification to cast a ballot, but nobody laughed.

Here’s another thing. I don’t want most people voting. Most people are not well-informed. Not you, of course. You’re damned intelligent. But your neighbor isn’t. Shouldn’t only the smartest of us be voting? I think that’s a good plan. While I was voting I thought it would be funny to have at the top, “If you haven’t seen Meet the Press at least once in the past year, please do not vote. Go home and turn on the game and pop a Pabst.”

This occurred to me as I was supposed to vote for over seventy judges. I mean, I don’t even know why we vote on judges. The only time I ever saw one live was when I was in court to protest a ticket where I ran through a red light on a bike. I believe only felons and lawyers should be allowed to vote on judges. Let the experts have their say. I don’t give a shit.

Oh, and then they tacked on some weird thing at the end that was eight paragraphs long and about education. I didn’t read it. I just voted “yes.” That was probably the right call. “Yes” is usually a good thing. If I accidentally voted to get rid of free lunch or something, hey, sorry about that.

Lastly, I goofed and voted both for and against a judge. He (or she – I didn’t read the name) was running unopposed. There were over twenty of these people. Let’s clean up the ballot and remove that nonsense. Nobody’s time needs to be wasted by some state circuit clerk  bailiff  that nobody else challenged.

I, naturally, brought my dog to the booth as I do everything else. Some official suggested that she must be a seeing eye dog. It’s funny because she’s five pounds. Get it? I’ve heard that joke 1000x but I do appreciate the effort so I always fake a laugh. Hey, at least they didn’t kick me out of the room for bringing a damned dog.

All in all – it’s fun to vote. I really don’t care who wins either way, but I love feeding that big sheet into the machine. Feels good, like I did something important. Even when I got the printout of the judge error, I was still proud of myself.