Okay, I just figured something out. When I cut some calories to try to lose a few pounds and also hit the gym every day, I just wind up exhausted. The funny drains out of my pores around mile three on the treadmill.
I’m at that stage of a new exercise and nutrition cycle where the food deficit plus the hard running is almost to difficult to maintain in my body or mind. But it’s time. Even though I biked my ass off this year I ate whatever the hell I wanted. I haven’t moved much since the cold set in. So now I’m in the process of breaking sine bad habits.
I’m currently on the subway racking my brain to bring the funny. I can’t hardly stand much less find the energy to entertain you.
But let’s try anyway.
The last time I went to the grocery store I vowed to pick up one item that is embarrassing and not feel shame about it. I wasn’t sure what it was going to be. I figured I would surprise myself. In the past if I was picking something like four bags of SunChips (one for each flavor) I would quickly put them in my cart and spread them out so that at a cursory glance it didn’t look like I’m mega carb loading on crap.
But the SunChips weren’t on sale. None of the chips were. That’s the bummer in Chicago. Food is never on sale.
That time, however, candy was on special.
First I love how there’s such a thing as “Theatre Candy” – these are the boxes of stuff like Mike & Ike’s, Milk Duds, and Sugar Babies. First, I had a subscription to a high end theatre here. Whip out a box of Reeces Pieces during the first act of a Mamet play and it’ll sound like you’re a new ager playing a rain stick. Everyone around you will be thinking, “Well, I never!” and all that other high class “Screw you!” language. The actors will even fire a look in your direction. Then you have to pretend it wasn’t you but the dude that came in jeans one row in front.
I know the grocery store really means “Movie Candy” but it doesn’t sound as debonair.
Movie candy was 10/$10. That’s a deal, people.
So I chose the worst movie candy of them all. A candy guaranteed to offend and delight equally. I estimate 70% of this world would choose to not have this candy even in the same room as other candy.
Yes, I’m talking about Good & Plenty. I don’t understand why everyone hates these delicious candy treats. There is no middle ground. You either despise them or love them. And despite candy we can all agree sucks (Whoppers, Mounds bars, Popcorn Jelly Bellies) nothing is more heated than a Good & Plenty argument. They’re the brussel sprout of candy.
Well, even though I love them I’m normally ashamed to put them in my basket (I legitimately hide them under the spinach), tonight I walked proud. I put them on the top with an air about me that were to suggest, “No, I’m not going to the opera tonight. I’m heading home to make dinner and this is my dessert. Yes, Good & Plentys are my dessert!”
While this is a relative small victory for my self-esteem, it did have an affect on my mood. I was all bummed out at the beginning of this post. Now I’m ready to take on the world, one white and pink candy at a time.
This post was remarkably silly.
Brenda says:
They are the effin’ best. I squease the ones in the pkg and make sure they are soft and fresh. Yummy. My dentist loves when I eat them too. Ha ha
Julie DeNeen says:
I HATE THEM. MY husband loves them. We managed to work it out in counseling.
Ericamos says:
If it’s the only candy available, I crunch off the sweet pink and white shells then spit out the nasty licorice.
Angelique says:
Definitely not my idea of a good candy..bleh but hey to each his own I suppose since I actually like buttered popcorn jelly bellys
Mary Wallace (@ViolaFury) says:
DJ, you just crack me up! You are so enthustiastically into your subjects and I love it. The very idea of comparing Good and Plenty with the brussel sprouts of vegetable invites an argument, right there. You forgot to mention what I think is the lowest of the low, Raisinets. Beyond horrible. I’d rather eat cotton-candy asbestos with a box of roofing tiles, than those nasty things. I go for the Strawberry Twizzlers. Actually, I don’t go to movies, but Good and Plentys are the best. You may not have felt like being funny, but damn!
heidi says:
I have a friend I go to the movies with that has to have chocolate covered almonds from a box. When she takes these out of the inside wrapper, it’s as loud as someone driving through a glass store front. The people that sit a head of her usually give her the side-eye a couple of times and eventually move because they can’t stand it anymore. It’s rude, but we do end up with a better view. I love Good and Plentys 🙂
Michele says:
Ugh, popcorn jelly bellies? I remember the first time I had one. I was so excited to eat my little variety bag of jelly bellies, and try out all the flavors. I bit into the popcorn one, and almost lost my lunch. I swear, it tasted like grease squirted in my mouth, and not in a good way. Yuck, thanks for bringing that memory up to the surface.
Mary Wallace (@ViolaFury) says:
I tried one popcorn jelly bean once, and gave another one to a friend. He said “Don’t ever do that again.” Along those same lines, another friend of mine and I got some of that stupid gum that is fused tastes(?) chocolate and mint. We both agreed it was like those Girl Scout Chocolate Mint cookies that everybody loves, only my brain refuses to translate the cookie experience to rubber. Judging by the reaction we got from everyone, no one else’s brain does, either. By the way, we were living in a Homeless shelter when we foisted that off on people, so you can imagine how reasonable the reactions were. 🙂
Kristina says:
Yeah, anything licorice-flavored is gross. Good & Plentys. Jaegermister. Licorice. Also, Mounds are one of my favorite chocolate bars, and Whoppers are delicious. Oh, and I love brussel sprouts.
Let’s see… anything else I can disagree with you about here? Nope. I guess that about covers it.
Kat says:
Good and Plenty’s must be an American candy because I’ve never seen them here in Canada. We do have similar candy here though and I can’t stand them; anything with black licorice is just gross to me. I must disagree with you on the Whoppers – love them! Milk Duds are the bomb too but probably the best movie theatre candy are Junior Mints. Who doesn’t love Junior Mints?!
Mary Wallace (@ViolaFury) says:
Why is it that people either just LOVE, or just HATE black licorice? I happen to love Whoppers too and black licorice, but it’s funny Kat, no one is just eh, over black licorice. Granted, there are some obnoxious varieties of it going on, but some of it is pretty great. Milk Duds rock. I hate Junior Mints. Well, not hate. I love Andes whatchamacallums.
Kate Hall says:
I’d like to hear how you spent a day walking around with the Good & Plentys sticking out of your pocket like that. I imagine you’d get quite a few reactions – like having a band-aid on a paper cut and everybody wants to know what ails you.
Tracie says:
I like Good & Plentys.
Whoppers are the worst.
Jane Sadek says:
I was at the store yesterday. My eating has caught up with me too – and I leave on a cruise in about a month. I don’t look too terribly different, but my clothes are complaining. So, everything in my basket either said Special K or Kashi.
bonnie brown says:
Jelly beans please! And Harveys char broiled burgers. Yummy. Canadian.