One of my most dedicated readers and fellow bloggers passed a kidney stone today.
When I asked her to describe the pain (or lack of) she wrote, “It was like someone stabbed me in the back and then spun me around on the blade for six hours.” (Hyperbole much, Nicole?) If anything she’s more apt to make a joke of something that tell you how painful it really feels. She was even the hospital for a full day because it was serious.
When she let me know about her ailment I thought there could be something symbolically that would be respectful but also funny to document on the blog.
I would eat her kidney stone.
This idea is not altogether novel. I had consumed my own skin-tag years before for a laugh. You know, now that I’m thinking about it I’ve never grown another skin tag. Maybe my body learned a lesson that day. Don’t screw with me. I’ll tear you off and devour you for spite.
Well, I do have some moles. The idea of playing around with one of those does not appeal to me. Moles are serious business. I get mine checked out per annum by a dermatologist. I sort of want him one year to say, “Ooh, let’s rip that one off, post haste – it just winked at me!” Not because I want to be cut open and left with a scar, but to see if it would grow back. I have to admit this is interesting to my mind.
So the idea of showing my readers that I love them so much I’m willing to consume their kidney stone seemed hilarious to me. Now, before you throw up realize that this stone was only 3.5mm in length. You could toss it in my water glass and I’d never even notice. I mean, it’s not like I chew my water. So, from a “yuck!” perspective this really doesn’t chart.
I had this grand idea of filming the consumption and putting it up here. In my crazy head this seemed like a perfectly acceptable plan.
This evening I was talking to a friend about this idea. I could hardly type fast enough about how funny it would be to perform this stunt and video it. I was looking for her opinion and validation. Well, she must have been busy halfway through our conversation because she didn’t respond for several minutes.
During that time I got quiet and something bubbled to the surface. I reread what I had written about eating the stone and noticed how absurd it was. It was a publicity stunt and a poor one at that. As far as being “shocking” I’d have to go a lot further to make the national press. Maybe if I inserted the stone into my body the way that it came… You get the idea.
First, I don’t do “stunts.” This blog is about integrity and honesty. That would be a contrived, “Look at how gross and funny I am!” display. Immediately it became clear that I will not be performing this act. It’s dumb and insincere. I have no true desire to eat a kidney stone.
When she finally came back to the chat window I had already written a, “I am so embarrassed. Can’t believe I wrote all of this. Ignore.”
Now, what it took for me to get to this point was to quiet my brain and go to my feelings. Once I did this the answer was obvious and clear. So, why don’t I use this emotional internal compass more often? First, I suspect I don’t trust it. Instead of believe my body to tell me how much to eat and what foods it prefers, I rigorously plan out my meals and portions. The times I have listened internally I instinctively know when to stop eating. It’s an amazing mechanism that I’ve avoided my whole life.
While this is a silly example – my gut telling me not to fill it with someone else’s calcium, it’s a reminder to get quiet and pay attention.
Now, I actually do have a stunt coming up as I do every year around this time, but it’s fun and in total alignment with my values. I’ll be announcing it in the next few days, and I hope you participate.
Oh, and if you’re a pregnant woman do not make plans to eat the placenta. Nobody likes that person.
