Let’s talk sadness.
I know – I talk about sadness a LOT. It’s enough already. As such I’m not going to lament my currenttale of woe, although I will say that it may have involved running out of peach Fresca at my parent’s house yesterday which is total bullshit. I’m kidding. My problems are much worse than that. Like Africa bad.
Okay, not Africa bad.
Here’s what I know about sadness and I’ve written it a few dozen times already – I need to learn how to stay with it without running until it passes. Okay good. Now, let us move swiftly to talk about what’s going on when I feel sad.
Well, actually I am interested in figuring out what is within my control and what is outside. Here’s a little checklist of what may be bringing on my sadness.
- Genetics – Faulty wiring of DNA or other brain/body goofiness.
- Diet / Exercise – Activities to provide and release energy instead of clogging.
- Nurture – Past unhelpful beliefs installed at young age by family.
- Focus – Directing of my thoughts to either empowering or depressing directions.
- Life Events – Natural to be sad because something crappy happened.
This is the checklist of stuff I go through. For example, I’m having a “life event” issue that I’m not quite ready to share. No I didn’t dropkick my cat through the goalposts of life. I’ll bet 99% of you didn’t get that horrible 70s country song reference. But anyway something crappy is happening that is “sad” justifiable. But, the question is, am I feeling too sad because of other factors?
What if I ran a few miles? Ate better? Directed my focus to what was not-crappy? Talked to my psychiatrist about a med adjustment?
In other words, what is within my control? And how much of it is just regular old sadness which must be tolerated?
If it sounds like I’m over-analyzing sadness, I’m not. I do want to know, however, what I should be doing to correct and what I should just let happen naturally. For example I’ve come to believe I’m kind of a solemn person in general. I have my moments of fun and joy, but my baseline is sort of neutral. I can learn to accept that. Also I had some bad programming as a child (we all did) by well-intentioned parents. That plays a role, too.
I’m not looking to blame my sadness on anyone or anything. I just want to know what I should be doing. The first thing is to feel it fully and embrace it. Okay – check. Now, at what point do I start a gratitude list or hitting the treadmill? Or do I just let it peter out on its own?
I’m not kidding when I say that I really don’t know how this all works. I feel like I’ve been sad for some time now and I’d really like to figure out a solution. I can get out of bed and perform well at work. You don’t need to hide my electric razor because, well, for one, it couldn’t break skin. Two, I’m do something way more exciting like shoot myself out of a cannon into the next town over.
It would be awesome to just know if this is normal depression and to just ride it out. But I’m not sure it is. I guess I could hit the gym and talk with the doctor. Also my therapist helps with the cognitive parts. I’m just so confused on what’s going on.
No reason to feel sorry for me. My life is actually pretty good. I do struggle, however, with finding happiness. I’m not alone. If anyone knows the absolute answers to this stuff, please let me know. We could bundle it on a 10 DVD video program and sell it on late-night television for $297. I have good hair and white teeth so I’ll be the face and voice. Oh, and the body. I’m kind of the full package.
photo credit: philippe leroyer via photopin cc
itsjessicann says:
struggle is good. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. i’ve found that the things that we can’t control are the things that shape perspective. we may not realize this in the moment, but it usually gets revealed in the future…and then we can laugh about it 😉
i discuss something similar in one of my posts: http://www.jessicaannmedia.com/how-embracing-the-struggle-defines-who-you-are/
keep on, keepin’ on, DJ!
KateHall says:
I don’t know what to tell you. My “sadness” usually comes from trying to measure up to some expectation, whether my own or someone else’s, and failing at it. Real grief is different than what I often think of as “sadness”, I think real grief needs to be moved through, while the sadness I’m talking about can be adjusted with changing my thoughts. Who knows, this might just be a load of crap.
SonjaE says:
As someone who has struggled with anxiety and depression on and off since I was a child, I can tell you that I know where you’re coming from. It sucks. Bad. But if there is a significant life event that’s going on, and you can do your basic functioning during the day — it may just be one of those fluke depressions. But of course a significant life event can be the predicate to the downward spiral. Just do what you know works best — be that going for a run on a daily basis, talking to your therapist — and most of all — writing this shit down. The thing that sucks about depression is that only time will tell whether it’s “IT” or just one of those things that passes. Ha. I know that’s not much help, but that’s all I can offer. I’ll be checking back in on your blog. Cuz it’s awesome.
JanetFCTC says:
The post was interesting. The bottom photo however has scarred me for life. I will be sending you a bill for my therapy.
TRfromRL says:
I’ll try to be brief, but I could seriously write a whole freaking blog post or 10 about this.
It took 5 to 7 years of working on myself, reading books like “Feeling Good” by Dr. David Burns, writing for myself and to other people, reading inspirational and informative stuff to come out of a very long depression.
I had a sick parent who was mentally ill for her whole life. I had to wait it out. When my mom finally passed away, I was finally free to heal. I will never stop working on myself and my own self-improvement. It’s a life-long thing for me.
This quote helps me narrow my focus: “Ultimately, to win the game of life is found in only one thing: Our ability to choose meaning in any life circumstance. Become the master of meaning and you master your life.”
Assigning a meaning to my darkest moments, and then taking that meaning and shifting my actions to something positive…it’s the positive actions borne from that meaning that keep my light burning.
Hang in there, kiddo.
DelireDeToucher says:
I’ve found it more…reasonable (goddamn intellect) to treat my emotions as a job rather than a luxury (woe is me). Sometimes they’re delicious (ok, rarely) and sometimes (ok, mostly) they’re a hassle. Consider them an inevitable part of your career as a human. Deal (or don’t) at your own risk. Cheers!
KateBeatty says:
This is a complicated issue, obviously, but in my VAST experience with it I will say that anyone who has struggled with sadness or depression for a long period of time gets to know themselves pretty well. It’s helpful to know when you just need to talk it out so that someone can say, “Yes! You are allowed to feel that way.” Or perhaps this is a wiring issue (that’s me!) and all the talking in the world ain’t gonna do any good. Sometimes it’s just chemical. When it’s not the latter, I try to let it marinate for as long as it lasts and figure out how to find meaning in it…this actually helps.
P.S. I totally got the “drop kick me jesus” reference and feel very important.
markrmondo says:
Nice honest article, Delfin
If we could find the key, it would have been bottled up and sold by Walmart.Meanwhile, I think we have the free will to define our own goals, examine nurture vs. nature influences. Then, create our OWN formula and grow the strength to refute those who don’t accept it.
prennifive says:
I get it. I sooo get it. I’m trying to figure it out too. I love your honesty and I really appreciate it! Thank you for sharing. -Annie
ImAndreaandYoureNot says:
I’m pretty sure that 80% of ‘Creatives’ suffer from occasional to chronic bouts of sadness, depression, mania, anxiety, and attention deficit….it’s the beauty of what these ‘traits’ creates that makes it worth ‘sitting through’. As adults we need to stop telling ourselves ‘stop it’ and just go through it, we might consider that as good advice to pass on to our kids. Detach from negative thoughts and let them roll by. Set a time limit on misery.