When I first started this blog I spent most of my spare time studying SEO. Within a month I was #1 for “best blogs” and “funny blogs” on Google. Then, back in March Google released the Panda update and wiped me off their charts. I think for “funny blogs” I’m currently #44. So, if you found me that way, you need to have better things to do then scroll to page five of Google. Take up knitting or some shit.
Being on top of Google was when I started obsessing about traffic. Even though my blog was only a few months old I was receiving an insane amount of visitors. If I slipped to #2 that day my traffic would go down by a third. Since I had no control over what Google was doing I would feel good if I had a certain amount of traffic – then I would feel awful if I had a day with low numbers.
Once I got booted off Google’s first page, I took to Twitter. Having just surpassed 25k followers, I can tell you that I’m pretty happy with that number. I’d like it to be 250k, but that’s because my ego tells me that more equals better. It actually does equal more opportunity, but I’m grateful for the readers I have today. Seriously – if you tweet me, I almost always tweet back. I so dig you guys.
After all the ups and downs I now rarely look at my traffic or Twitter count. Both are far beyond my control. I just have to keep my head down and write. That’s what I do best.
However – even though I preach to “ignore pageviews, SEO, Twitter followers, Facebook likes,” I have a secret shame. Yes, I largely ignore all of the above.
BUT I LIVE AND DIE BY THE NUMBER OF COMMENTS I RECEIVE.
Yesterday, for example, I thought I wrote a great post. Only two people commented. Now, it’s Labor Day. People ain’t reading my blog. They’re too busy bitching about having to spend time in the backyard with in-laws and well-done burgers. Also, maybe that content didn’t resonate as well with my readers (but how could it have not? I wrote it!). Or maybe people are just sick of reading my stuff every day and needed a break.
Who knows? Who cares?
I do.
The challenge with blog comments is that you can’t ignore them unless you never visit your own site. They’re right there, front and center. Plus, I like to respond to comments when I can. If there are few (like yesterday), I’m mildly devastated.
I’m going to be speaking at AimingLow’s Non-Con this October and plan to do a few minutes on “ignore number of comments” to bloggers. But I’m a big fraud, because I can’t ignore them.
I haven’t yet been able to view the number and not have an emotional reaction.
Yes, I see that hundreds of people read the post. But only three commented! I’m a failure!
Look, I’m human and insecure. I need approval. I’m a blogger for chrissakes. I’m working on not associating comments with self-esteem. But I’m not there yet.
Many other bloggers struggle with this, too. There’s a joke – “How do you get a blogger to stop writing? Stop commenting.” Okay, it’s not a good joke and I just made it up. But it’s true enough.
So here’s what I’m going to ask you to do – continue to comment/not comment as usual. I need to learn that comments are beyond my control. Like my glue addiction.
Now, if you feel that you need to tell me how sexy insecurity, vulnerability, humor and honesty is – I will absolutely encourage that behavior. I’m the whole package, ladies.
photo credit: wili_hybrid via photo pin cc
thebloggerincognito says:
Having deja vu re: our recent convo about comments lol. The folks in the photo look like they’re having a good time together…as much as I love comments, I’d enjoy hanging out in a group of fun people even more:)
D.J. Paris says:
thebloggerincognito No way! Screw those people! I hope they all get gout!
alfredliveshere says:
Ha! Good post and so true… when I blog yes it is true is mostly for my own expression, shouldn’t rely on other peoples validation, blah blah blah… then I see 400 people read it but two commented and I think what the hell! Come on people, comment already!On the other hand, I am trying to be a better commenter myself as well…
D.J. Paris says:
alfredliveshere Yeah, less than 1% of my readers comment according to my analytics. It’s just how it is. 🙂
Natalie the Singingfool says:
I know, I know. I’m the same way. No comments = bad day. EVEN THOUGH IT SHOULDN’T MATTER, NATALIE. At least they’re reading…
D.J. Paris says:
Natalie the Singingfool Well, I just commented. So, I made you day!
Irene Barnett says:
I feel your pain! I feel like I get so few comments that when I do, I’m like a sad obsessed love-struck sociopath. I’m often like that anyway but it is magnified when someone actually says something to me!
D.J. Paris says:
Irene Barnett Ha – yes, it’s a magnifying glass on our insecurity. Just makes everything present and huge. Comments – the greatest/worst part of my day. 🙂
gluttonessJen says:
Having just discovered your blog recently, (because you started following me on Twitter.. thank you!), I have been a faithful reader. I LOVE your blog! It makes me laugh, it gives me inspiration, and hope. Hello, I have 15 fucking followers on Twitter. I went to BlogHer a few weeks ago and realized I am a total idiot when it comes to blogging, and so I am just around to learn and enjoy. You have a great thing going here. People are just too fucking lazy to comment. PS: if I could remember my flippin’ password on this page, I would comment a whole lot more. Kisses, Jen.
D.J. Paris says:
gluttonessJen Just have it where it auto-logs you in! I never deal with logging it – too much work. We didn’t meet at BlogHer, did we? Next time, we’re hanging out. Thanks for being a GREAT reader!
jhansenwrites says:
LOL…I’m the same way D.J. But I love the way you admitted it. I completely obsess when I get no comments. I’m not proud of it, but I do.
D.J. Paris says:
jhansenwrites Own you shame! 🙂
gabi klaf says:
comment. happy now?
D.J. Paris says:
gabi klaf Never! 🙂
TRfromRL says:
I’ve asked my readers about the commenting situation since my blog doesn’t get very many comments. They DM me on Twitter and I get emails from them more than anything else. Some don’t feel comfortable writing a whole paragraph of stuff in the comments section, so they email. Some readers are actually afraid to leave a comment. There’s some kind of anxiety attached to commenting. Some just want to read it. They appreciate it, but they don’t want to get involved anymore than that. Some have also said that, most of the time, they’ve got nothing else to say. The post says it all and they’re happy with it.I’m not bothered by number of comments because readers will communicate with me if they want to. If they don’t, then I know they have some issue and it’s not necessarily me or my fault. If someone disagrees with a post, I get those emails and tweets too.
D.J. Paris says:
TRfromRL Strong points. I get very sweet emails and DMs quite a bit, and they’re always very special. I know less than 2% of my readers comment. Just how it is. 🙂
lateesha30 says:
I’ve been blogging almost two months. I don’t get many comments but I blog mostly as my outlet so I don’t let it get to me. You’re sure to get a lot of comments with this post LOL!
D.J. Paris says:
lateesha30 Ha – yes, probably. Pity comments! I’ll take ’em!
lateesha30 says:
Oh and you have livefyre as your commenting system. The first time I’ve seen this system is when I came to this blog. At first I wasn’t going to comment on your Confederate flag post but I really had something to say so I signed up. Most people are too lazy to sign up. It’s one extra thing that they have to do.
D.J. Paris says:
lateesha30 You’re right! But, my thoughts are, if you have something to say, a quick sign up shouldn’t stop 80% of people. What do I know, though? Ha.
Craziness Abounds says:
I don’t want to poke you in the eye because it hurts and also you may end up as blind as me, however, you will get more comments if you go read peoples blogs. I know that you know this. Also I’m sorry I didn’t come over. I’m in the middle of the book fair thing to raise money for diabetes remember. I hope you are happier today as you already have 11 comments.. Well with mine anyway.. Have a great day DJ. Comments are important to everyone man. Don’t feel bad. After all isn’t that why we write?
D.J. Paris says:
Craziness Abounds Hey, blind chicks get a pass in my book!
Julie DeNeen says:
Okay, well listen. I hardly ever get comments on my blog. You are doing awesome! It was Labor Day, you do rule, and I understand the feeling. I’ve given up looking at my comments for validation. Instead I’ve been obsessing about the number of fans on Facebook, but with the insight feature, I can see that people are reading and not caring. So I’ve decided to just not look. I can’t afford to think I suck, or then I really will. You’re doing awesome! 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
Julie DeNeen Ooh, you need to stay away from FB. Those are just your buddies or people that like your page once. I say throw out the whole looking at FB. I only look when someone comments which is probably 1-2x a day, if I’m lucky. 🙂
ladyjess78 says:
I gave up on stats a while back, but it kills me when no one comments. Just kills me. And I get all Sally Field when I get more than the average number of comments.
D.J. Paris says:
ladyjess78 But, here’s the thing – they DON’T really like you. Someone ought to have told you the truth. 🙂
faithlovehope44 says:
I’m very new to blogging publicly and I have a list of blogs that I’d like to blog that I saved to my favorites tab but have yet to follow yet because I’m still building my own, was obsessing with my 86 page website (OCD big time) and am just starting to finally master SEO. Now I have to go into each page of my website and add a RSS feed to my blogs because my main website is not something I write in daily and I want to attract more page views. Plus I run a house and take care of kids. I’m lucky to have time to drink a glass of water, let alone read other peoples blogs. BUT this is something I really want to do once I’m done building my own and have finally mastered twitter and SEO. I’m also just starting to grasp things about twitter that were beyond my comprehension. lol. I am not obsessed with comments for myself right now, but I do obsess with checking page views and seeing where I rank in search engines. I have found myself checking through out the day and literally just came to the conclusion that this is not healthy for me lol and I need to try to only check once a day….or twice. I do like your blog though and think you’re a funny dude!
faithlovehope44 says:
*that I’d like to “follow” NOT *blog* Should have checked for typos before I submitted my comment. It’s 1pm and I’m still tired, forgive me lol.
Dalrie says:
For my lack of commenting it has more to do with your comment platform (disqus and livefyre AAAAHHH). It doesn’t always work when I try to comment using my twitter account and when I use my facebook it posts my comment onto my wall and i’m all like…well that’s embarrassing…commenting on some randoms blog about my mother and how I enjoy critizing her and it ending up here on my FB where my mother loves to read everything I post…So it’s not you. It’s your twitchy comment field.
D.J. Paris says:
Dalrie Yeah, LiveFyre isn’t perfect, but it should auto-log you in each time. If you’re having a problem, let me know and I can ask the guys over there. I never have any problems with Disqus, CommentLuv, or LiveFyre. But I’m a tech nerd. 🙂
NorellLestinaShute says:
I promise to comment every day because (1) I read every post you write (2) I laugh at every post you write (3) You obviously have the same self-esteem problems I do (just kidding!!)…………..
D.J. Paris says:
NorellLestinaShute Ha- wow, that is very sweet of you. Just comment when you feel like it. But, seriously, your readership and FB comments are always great!
RachRiot says:
I completely understand where you’re coming from.. but QUID PRO QUO, MO FO– you never comment on *my* blog! Harumpf!
D.J. Paris says:
RachRiot Added to my reader right now! Good point. 🙂
RachRiot says:
tfpHumorBlog RachRiot YEA!!!!
lcarilo says:
This is funny to someone who has had about 10,000 page views (loads from out of country of origin for some strange reason – sorry fellow Americans) to handful of blogs and 25 (I’m over estimating by about 10 here) comments in last two years. I love reading blogs and have about ten that I classify as “must reads’… yours is now in that grouping. I’m pretty sure your the only male writer in there, too.
D.J. Paris says:
lcarilo I will go on your site and post a comment, post haste!
lcarilo says:
tfpHumorBlog lcarilo ~ Yeah, I know… I know. Hard to respond to what I write. Nobody knows what to say or do; most say nothing. Especially relatives. Love the strangers who simply ask, “How are you?” I send them one of these 🙂 to let them know, I’m okay.
IMightBeTheProblem says:
Normally I turn away when I learn that I need to create an account in order to comment. Given the subject, that seemed callous this time. You were right…that took 30 seconds. I promise to comment more frequently now that I’ve shaken the laziness that turned me away before. I obsess over my stats, too. No way it’s healthy.
D.J. Paris says:
IMightBeTheProblem Ha – yes, LiveFyre isn’t exactly the toughest thing. But some people definitely shy away from it.
inthemomlight says:
Sorry, first day back to work today from maternity leave 🙁 so I was MIA most of the weekend rocking in a corner by myself in depression… almost a joke, but not completely. My comment for today is that DJ PARIS is FUCKING FABULOUS and now I have to get back to depressing myself…..
D.J. Paris says:
inthemomlight Go out and sell some drugs to physicians, rock-star!!! Sit in some waiting rooms and thumb through Harper’s Bazaar!
DebLewis says:
I always comment. I write long, uplifting comments, in my head. Then, the cat throws up, the dog steals my weed, the crazy sister calls to tell me there’s a dead man under her apple tree… Your blog is delicious.
D.J. Paris says:
DebLewis The dog steals your green – I love that. I love that so much. Thanks!
dadblunders says:
I get it D.J. I alternate a lot on my blog between humor and serious and I can get an equal number of comments on both. I will occasionally write a post I think is exceptionally well and receive only 1 comment and I am always wondering what did I do wrong? It’s not just you D.J. I think it’s our egos that get in the way….sighAaron
D.J. Paris says:
dadblunders it’s funny – I have the same thing. Some posts (like this one) I didn’t think anyone would comment, and then others get a big response. Totally unpredictable. You write every day though, which is all you can do!
Lynika says:
Ahhhh this is totally awesome. It reads in my exact language. I seriously laughed aloud especially over the photo caption at end. This is my first visit and read of your blog. You sound like a keeper. Awesome. Cheers from Aussie shores.Www.lynika.com
D.J. Paris says:
Lynika I am a keeper! Of course, you’re mostly a nation of British convicts, so I’m not sure your being a reader really boosts my international status. Thanks for reading!
Craziness Abounds says:
That’s because you are a rock star. 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
Craziness Abounds Well, I’m something. Not sure what.
GDRPempress says:
I will make sure you have a number 50 for comments on this post, for you to wake up to.
D.J. Paris says:
GDRPempress You’re either a crazy stalker or a fantastic friend. And, I’ll beat you to the punch by saying you can’t be both!
GDRPempress says:
50 is a nice number for comments, don’t you think? Shows successful, people feel a call to comment.
D.J. Paris says:
GDRPempress Yes, let’s trick them into it! Ha.
GDRPempress says:
Ask, and ye shall receive.From the oldest best seller in the world.
D.J. Paris says:
GDRPempress The Tao te Ching? (I had to be a smart ass there)
GDRPempress says:
And…….good night, sweet DJ.zzzzWe’ll see you at RoundTable.
D.J. Paris says:
GDRPempress I am very excited to see you speak. I hope I’m not hosting a non-table during that time!
kaseykakes says:
Today, I will make your day. Because I’m leaving comments on all of the blog posts I’ve been bookmarking for the last few weeks on my ipod and actually using my computer during nap time. I’m all about the comment love today.
D.J. Paris says:
kaseykakes Yay! I will do the same to you!
KateHall says:
It’s so good to know that all of us bloggers have something in common.
And you know, your followers are funny too. I can see it in their comments.
D.J. Paris says:
KateHall Yeah, I’m lucky. I have hilarious followers and readers.
jetelway says:
What is even worse than no comment is nothing but spam. I either have to delete endless amounts of spam comment, or force potential commentors to register, which they won’t. I use WordPress on my site http://www.jetelway.com … I’m sure there’s a solution, but I’m new to the whole bloggingthing.
I can’t even get any feedback. Google Analytics tells me that have almost no visitors. I tried building up a following on Twitter @jetelway and they suspended me for replying to people too much, and then again for following too many people too fast … so I just have to live with adding a few new followers a day. Yes, I follow you. I think you were actually the first person I ever followed on Twitters.
Anyway, this zero feedback is starting to depress me, so I know how you feel, only if I were you I would be ecstatic to have any feedback at all … but everything is relative.
KateHall says:
jetelway Wow, you can get suspended for following too many people too quickly on Twitter? Crap. Il be holding back then. My GA sucks too. They say I have like five visitors a day, but I’ll have more than five comments in that day. #lame
D.J. Paris says:
KateHall jetelway KateHall jetelway Hmm… I’ve never got suspended from Twitter. But I have a 34k followers now and maybe I get more leeway. As far as comments, this will be the struggle for most bloggers. My advice is to comment on as many people’s blogs as possible.
Michelle says:
Insecurity, vulnerability, humor, and honesty are DEAD SEXY, yo! For realz!
(Wow. Middle-aged white women from the backwoods of Eastern PA really shouldn’t try to pull off a sentence like that.)
Seriously, though… If I weren’t happily married, I’d be all over you like white on rice, and not just because I was desperate as hell before I met my husband. Your girlfriend is a lucky woman, and I’m sure she knows it! We all need validation that what we put out into the world is good and comments are feedback. No comments, no feedback, we’re left hanging. Wondering. And then we tear ourselves apart over it. Try to think of it this way: the only people who comment are those who either LOVE it or HATE it. If those three comments weren’t spewing vitriol, you’re still way ahead of the game! Go you!
My Special Kind Of Crazy says:
I am lucky if my mom comments! Granted, I need to put way more time into my social media presence. But with a full time job and 2 small kids, I prefer to spend my time writing. I do say to myself “I’m just doing this for myself and my family” but I know that’s not true!!! Hope you are happy with comments in this post!