There’s Something Better Than Crushed Ice?

Yes, they occur naturally, and instead of ice pellets they should be called "God's free candy." But, seriously, don't eat them from the ground. You'll get worms.

I usually try to tackle heavy subjects like fear, depression, loss, anger and shame.

Tonight, however, I’d like to go deeper.

I was talking to a friend recently about my theory that people who click the “non-crushed” ice button on their refrigerators have horrible self-esteem. First off, if you don’t like chewing on ice you’ve obviously never chewed on ice. It’s delectable. It’s not subjective, as ice has no flavor. And you like chewing, right? You do it all day. Now, you might not like chewing on canned tuna or Whoppers (both are terrible), but even if you do, I can’t use that to judge your psychological well-being. I believe you just have shitty taste and your buds are really whacked out of alignment. But you’re not nuts, necessarily. READ MORE

God Forbid You Disagree With Me

Whenever somebody says this, don't you just want to punch 'em in the left tit?

I sort of got into it with my therapist today.

A problem I’ve had throughout my love life has been getting women to agree with me on all my opinions. If you disagree with my stance on something I feel passionate about, I take it as a personal attack. I then think we’re not a united front and mismatched. But I also think you’re lying about your position. That, under sodium  pentothal  and a heat lamp, you would admit that my stance on the topic was, in fact, your stance. READ MORE

Being My Girlfriend is Exhausting

I didn’t do anything remotely funny today.

Truth is, I’m feeling a bit sad.  After nearly three weeks of being here, Jessica is heading back to Atlanta in a few days with her cat and dog.  It’s been over two years since my wife moved out, and to have somebody at home has been wonderful. READ MORE