Site icon Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories

Six Weeks of No Shampoo – A Report

I’m going back to shampoo.

I gave this a real shot.

I’d been reading about the “no-poo” movement for months before I pulled the trigger. Replace all my shampoo with baking soda? Check! Apple cider vinegar as my new conditioner? Double check! I did it as instructed.

And I have to tell you. It just didn’t work that well.

It was mostly uncomfortable.

Why did I try the no-poo method? I had an itchy scalp and thought this would solve it. And to be fair, it sort of did. Three weeks in and 50% of my itch went away. And before you gross mofos think I’m rocking dandruff, think again. I ain’t no scrub. I take care of mine.

It was just yesterday I realized the weather had changed and that probably affected my scalp. So the probable reality is that the no-poo didn’t do diddly (love that alliteration) for my conditioned scalp. It was just plain old humidity.

The biggest issue I had with it was that my hair never felt clean. I use a little bit of molding creme every day. I toss my messy shit up and back and then to the front. Kidding. But I do use the creme in place of a brush. So, my hair is always a little greasy from that. As such it needs a powerful cleanser every morning. Baking soda doesn’t cut it, as the proponents of the no-poo method claim. You know how when you clean your hair and it squeaks? Baking soda isn’t that powerful. No-poo’ers claim that squeakiness isn’t a sign of cleanliness. But, at least it is an indication that something is happening.

Washing your hair with baking soda is unsatisfying. You put it in a spray bottle and mix with water. You then spray your hair down in the shower. You’ll swear nothing is happening. It just feels like water being sprayed. But supposedly it pulls the grease out of the hair. But like I said before, it doesn’t feel clean. It just feels greasy.

Then you condition with apple cider vinegar, which I’m convinced does nothing. It’s a nice thought and all, to condition with something natural, and it smells amazing, but it just didn’t renew my hair. The baking soda dried out my hair and the vinegar ain’t exactly Kiel’s.

Then I’d put the creme in, but my hair was puffy and dry. It made my hair huge. And I have a lot of hair to begin with. Also a lot of head.

I wanted this to work. I put in a lot of time. It didn’t work for me. So, this morning I grabbed the Bumble and Bumble off the shelf and shampoo’ed my hair for the first time in six months.

It felt. Well… glorious.

Okay, that wasn’t the most manly thing to write, but it really did. It’s the only word that fit. Of course I only know like 500 words total and many of them are just adverbs (adding “ly” to adjectives).

I’m back on the ‘poo. My hair feels healthier, it’s easier to style, and I don’t have to worry about ruining pillowcases because of the oil buildup. Just for a goof today after I conditioned, I reconditioned with the vinegar just for old time sake. No, didn’t feel any more conditioned, but I did smell like a salads for a few moments. Worth it.

Back to my normal dorky self.
Exit mobile version