My Ex-Wife Got Married (But I’m Pretty Sure Still Uses My Last Name)

eiffel tower
In a ironic twist, my family is Spanish. 0% French.

This morning I was hit with something that I wasn’t expecting.

My ex-wife just got married. I was made aware of this because my veterinarian emailed my ex-wife who forwarded it to me. This is a little complicated. Explanation necessary, D.J.!

Christina and I divorced over two and half years ago. I still contact her every once in a while. We’re perfectly friendly and sometimes I need advice on pet stuff. She, too, is a vet. Well, my dog is due for a dental. This is a relatively routine procedure but when I called the animal hospital yesterday, the vet tech had expressed interest in giving her a catheter for anesthesia. My dog is very sensitive to shots and has become sick in the past for this kind of thing. My ex has instructed me to call her before any procedure to give the go-ahead. I’m glad she’s available as she’s a great doctor.

So, every now and then I call and talk about the dog or the cat. Our conversations are brief and amiable. We joke around for a minute and then get to business. I phoned her a few weeks ago because the government cut us a big check for seemingly no reason. We couldn’t figure it out, but were thrilled to get the cash. So, we have nice chats. Every so often one of us comes up with a joke about the pets and calls or texts it over. That’s the stuff we do.

In the year following the divorce, I worked through my anger and sadness. It was suggested to me at the time that I take the year off of dating. I should point out that it was my ex’s decision to leave the marriage. This was shocking and difficult for me to process, as it would be for anyone. So, I took my time. Learned how to be alone.

After a year I was over the divorce and became involved in a relationship. It ended last fall due to distance. Oh, and the fact that she sort of didn’t like me. Not a great quality for a long-term partner. Now, I’m back in the mix and dating up a storm. Just last week I hit seven dates in seven days. Was hilarious. And exhausting.

Anway, back to my ex-wife.

So I called her yesterday and after the business about the dog’s teeth she asked, “So, what’s going on?” She has never, in all our talks, expressed interest in my personal life. It’s always been business, a quick joke, and then off the phone. I just said, “Nothing much,” and hung up the phone as quick as possible. I’m not interested in telling her about my dating marathon.

Then this morning I get an email where she had messaged the vet who’s going to take care of Meepers during the dental. She told him the procedure she wanted him to do. He replied and agreed, but at the end also said, “Congrats on the nuptials!”

Did she accidentally forget to delete that line before sending to me or did she do it on purpose in a fucked-up, passive aggressive way? Or maybe she just didn’t give a shit. Who knows? Well, after Googling “nuptials” I learned it meant she got married.

Here’s the part that pissed me off. She still uses my last name. To this day. Now, I don’t quite understand this plan. She was a Johnson for thirty-two years. Decent last name. Marries me for two years, and then leaves. Keeps the name. Weird, but whatever. Then marries a new dude. Still keeps the name. Double weird.

And yes, I can understand that “Paris” is kind of a neat last name. But to keep it after a failed marriage and then a new one is really bizarre. I can only hope that her new husband’s name is “Feltersnatch.” Then it would make sense.

So, today I’ve been sad and angry. Sad that my ex-wife has moved on. It’s natural to be a little depressed. Mad because she didn’t have the courage to tell me the night before on the phone. I suspect it’s because she knew I would say, “Finally – you’re getting rid of my name!”

“Um… about that…”

eiffel tower
In a ironic twist, my family is Spanish. 0% French.

photo credit: Anirudh Koul via photopin cc

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