Last Night I Played Poker! (and-not-the-funny-pun-kind-like-your-sexually-immature-friend-says-while-he-jabs-you-in-the-ribs)

I’m thrilled to get invited anywhere.

Even though Evite has been around for well over 10 years, I still get extremely excited when an email hits my inbox inviting me to something.   Even if it’s a one-year old’s birthday party and I have to comb through the parents’ Facebook page to try to figure out their son’s name.

And this year, I actually received a paper invitation to my friend David and Ryan’s Halloween party.   I think I welled up opening the mini envelope.

I recently saw a statistic that said the average American only receives one handwritten note every seven months.   And it’s usually from your dentist reminding you of next Tuesday’s cleaning.

By the way, quick tip: Take your dental floss in the shower.   This way you can shampoo, soap, condition, brush your teeth, and floss all in the same session!   (Urinating is optional)

Brett, one of my closest friends, invited me to his home in the suburbs last night for a guys’ evening of playing poker.   Truth be told, I only know about these card nights from scenes in movies.   Guys wearing visors, smoking cigars, drinking beers, sitting around those octagonal tables and complaining about their spouses.   Oh, and everyone’s supposed to be super fat.   And old.

My issue with poker and card games in general is that one of the more popular strategies is to “bluff.”   Which basically means “lie to your friends.”

I know this is going to sound strange, but I just can’t bluff.   I see it as doing something dishonest and bad.   Plus, I don’t really care about winning.   I’m only putting in $20.   Whether I walk away with nothing or $100, my life doesn’t change.

But when you don’t bluff, you can only really play the good hands.   And since that only happens every now and then, it’s sort of boring to keep folding.

I did have fun, and Brett’s friends were extremely nice and polite.   And, even though I had to have explained to me how to play all the games, like Texas Hold ‘Em, Screw Your Neighbor, Midnight Baseball, and Georgia Swallows, I still had a great time.

I made up Georgia Swallows.   But I did know a girl named “Georgia.”   Never mind.

But the true highlight of the evening was a gigantic hamster-wheel ball that Brett had for his son, Jack.   I believe I was the first adult to get inside.   I just had to.   You understand.

Bottom line : Invite me to more stuff.   I hang out with my dog and cat way too much.   Seriously.