The newest episode of Bloggers are Weird is up on iTunes so go get it! The easiest way is to click this link, then “view in iTunes.” Then click the “subscribe” button. Also, leave me a review, sucka! If you’re a Blackberry or Zune person it’s in your store as well. For Android users just search for the feed in your favorite podcast app. Lastly, for the truly lazy I’ve ported it over onto YouTube so you can check it out below. Enjoy.
Okay, I Now Fully Understand Parenting
I'd like to get one without freckles please. Freckles is nasty, yo.
I finally completely understand (two adverbs in a row! A new low, even for me.) what it’s like to be a parent.
This is an accurate statement as today I spent time with two children for approximately ninety minutes.
My friend Justin and his wife have a girl and a boy ages three and a half and one and half. I have been out to see them five times in the last year.
Online Hangout With MommyLovesVodka and Me TONIGHT
Just wanted to remind you of three things you can do right now to support the site but also have a bit of fun!
I Finally Got Back at My Cat
asfds
I’m not even going to pretend I won’t write about my cat anymore.
But this post is about revenge, people.
In the past I’ve talked about how I’ve fantasized of beating her silly each time she urinates outside the box. People were really upset that I admitted to having that thought. But every mom has had the idea of wringing their child’s neck at least once, and unless you have a really uncool local police that convicts people with crimes of the mind, it’s totally normal to have those moments. So, to reiterate, I have never beaten my cat.
New ThoughtsFromParis Announcement!
I am proud to announce that I have been brought on as a full contributing editor for AimingLow.
This could not be more exciting as to be put on their official writing staff is a very big deal to me. At first I was a lowly guest submitter hoping that they’d publish one of my articles. Next came being chosen for their Comic Relief Roster. This is the Junior Varsity team of AimingLow where you fill in when the regular writers miss a deadline. Well, after a long stint as a red-shirt (football expression I’m told) I now can proudly claim myself on their masthead. This comes at a good time, too, as the paper magazine I write for seems to be folding, sadly. They never let me do a lot of dick humor, though. AimingLow encourages it.
I Wrote What You Told Me (Again) – Part II
Yes, Jimmy, if you lie God will tell this monster to climb into your bedroom window at night and rip you to shreds with it's razor-claws. This is why we leave the window in your bedroom unlocked.
Yesterday, to celebrate the holiday of a Jew named Jesus’ birthday (…or is it today? I could never figure that one out.) I turned off my brain and asked you to flip yours on. You told me what to write. So I did.
Here’s part II.
- Sarah G. – Tell us about when you found out Santa wasn’t real.
Third grade. A little piece of shit named MonkeyMan Magoo (not his really name, but he might read the blog, plus he looks like a monkey) decided to tell all of us. We were all lined up to hug our third grade teacher Mrs. Groesch as we were leaving class to go on holiday break. MonkeyMan Magoo decided to ruin the surprise. He walked up the line telling everyone one-on-one, “There is no Santa Claus.” Traumatic – yes. However he went on to develop a bad drug addiction, outstanding warrants, and even some jail time. That erased any trauma.
I Wrote What You Told Me (Again)
Once in awhile I have nothing to write about. So I ask you what to do. You tell me. I do.
- @DearOprahW Best or worst New Years eve.
With the exception of the years I was married I never had a date on New Years. I had a few long distance relationships, but we were never together on New Years. So every year is about the same. If I was at a bar I turned in a circle to find somebody to kiss. It never led to anything more. One year my wife and I had a party at our condo and I watched a guest telling a story and eating the peel and eat shrimp (I have this amazing recipe) without taking the shell off first. I kept wanting to raise my hand and interrupt him with a, “Holy Christ, man! What kind of insanity is this?” but I couldn’t because he hadn’t arrived at the story’s punchline. That was probably the wildest thing I ever witnessed on NYE.
It’s Amazing How Many People Will Work For Free (Suckers!)
I saw this by accident and nearly shat.
I’m not sure if I laid this out before, but I’m too lazy to go back through my posts.
The book I’m working on is getting near finished and it’s crunch time. I have to put some serious effort in to put this out in January. Since I knew there was no way I could do it myself I reached out to you. And you responded in droves. I couldn’t believe it.
Fighting About Something and Then Finding Out You’re Totally Wrong is Fun
Ah, New Jersey - giving Florida a run for their money.
I fought about something and then found out I was totally wrong yesterday.
Getting into it with my parents is not on my must-do list. I’d just rather not. They’re lovely enough people and I just come off like a spoiled brat. Which maybe I am. I mean, they are pretty generous.
