I’m Racing To See Race!

When I was twenty seven my sister bought me a fondue set for my birthday.   At the time I had only eaten fondue once at a Melting Pot chain restaurant.

Umm…   Thanks for the gift, Dana.

You don’t like it?

No, it’s not that.   I mean it’s cool and all, but I don’t snack on cheese and I’m not interested in dipping strawberries into chocolate.

You don’t get it.   I just gave you the greatest dating tool ever.

She was right.   That year I had a half-dozen women over to my place on fondue dates.   Instead of doing chocolate or cheese, I loaded that fucker up with oil and had a tray of beef, chicken and shrimp.  If you’ve never done fondue this way, it’s really fun.

The woman that would become my wife (and then ex-wife) had her first date with me in this manner.   It was kind of my thing for a few years.

After the divorce I took a year off women.   It’s highly recommended by people who have been through such things.

During this time I realized I had never been to the best theater in all of Chicago, The Goodman.   My friend John works for them and told me I should get tickets for their upcoming season.

I thought about it, and even though it was expensive, I decided to get two seats.   Again, realizing that I just committed to a year of shows, I thought this would be a great date activity.

First, I would get to see amazing plays, and the women would probably have a good time, too.   I had fantasies of thoroughly vetting each date before offering the ticket.   I wasn’t about to take any old skank.

Do you know who Tennessee Williams is?

No, I don’t listen to hip-hop.

Hmm… Do you have a sister?

For the first show I took my Dad.   Truth be told, I didn’t have a date anyway and he was thrilled to be asked.

Then I met Jessica, former reader and now current girlfriend.   The great news is that I don’t have to stoop to trolling online dating services looking for impressionable co-eds.   The bad news is that Jessica lives in Atlanta.

I was going to take my friend Justin to see David Mamet’s Race tonight, but he’s a hot shot attorney with a big trial, so he had to bail.

I reached out to my buddy Darrell who is going to be my date.   I hope he doesn’t get fresh and touch my knee during second curtain.

So my grand scheme of impressing girls to like me by taking them out on the town is no more.  Now I have to spend quality time with the people that love me the most, my friends and family.

Rats.