Watch Me On TV – Like Right Now!

I was kind of bummed that there was not a makeup lady to assist me at my taping.

As someone who's not worn makeup – well,   except for the spray tan my wife made me get before our wedding, it was always something that I found interesting.

Man Makeup
This guy's dad committed suicide

Would I be even more dashing with foundation?  Would my eyebrows “pop”?  Can they draw a beauty mark on my cheek?  And what about rouge? Is it true that only whores wear that?

I'll probably never know, as I don't have any additional media performances booked.   Apparently the Letterman producers haven't filmed a “Stupid Pet Tricks” segment since 1989 and are not interested in seeing my dog crawl wholly into my mouth and go to sleep.  Oh well.

They did give me however, this blotter paper thing that instantly takes away the oil from your face.  It was sort of cool.

Since I figured the best way to prepare was to think about makeup the whole time, I didn't do one ounce of thought about what I was going to say.

Normally when this happens, I jump all over the place, and it's a real mess.  I need to prepare for even talking to dentist.

Remember to ask about his father's death a few months ago.  Say that you're so sorry.  Also, make sure you ask about his kids, and his wife.  And how much he's boating this summer.

I don't do well just “reacting.”  Today, my boss wanted to change something about the way I interview people.  He caught me off guard.  I got super pissy and started yelling, totally out of control.  He finally said, “You're such a drama queen.  Relax.”

And then I thought about it, and he was right about what needed to be changed, and also about me being a drama queen.

So, even though I was terrified to watch my segment because I assumed I would look all fat and gross and come off like a buffoon, I was actually pleased with the results.

The bottom line was that I just relaxed and told my story from a genuine place.  I'm glad I did it.

And lastly, what's up with the bus smelling like farts?  It does!

10 thoughts on “Watch Me On TV – Like Right Now!”

  1. lefty says:

    DJ… You know that you did not need a makeup lady. You always look fantastic

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      You’re not wrong. But I’m pale. Like Powder, but not as lame.

  2. jennapooh1971 says:

    A moment of seriousness, then we’ll return to your regularly scheduled snarkiness:

    ‘The idea of somebody leaving a relationship is very foreign and very scary to me.’

    I strongly identify with this statement of yours because my parents have been together since jr high, married out of high school, and like yours have celebrated their 40th anniversary. They are the best of friends and very much in love with one another. Because I see what relationships should be I am very intolerant of bullshit. Intolerence born of fear, I’m sure: fear that the other person has no clue how to stay through the exciting and dull, and not confuse anxiety with love, why begin what will obviously end badly, blah blah blah. Now I share this for two reasons: 1) to maybe give you some insight as to why I enjoy your blog so much. Aside from the humor I recognize many of the personal issues you write about, because I live with them also. And 2) because I find it heartening to see/hear/read how you actively are able to deal with and overcome your fears. While I’m aware my opinion has zero effect on your life, I find myself compelled to say you’re doing great and I’m proud of you. Congratulations, two thumbs up, and keep up the good work.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      @jennapooh1971 Zero effect. 🙂

  3. jennapooh1971 says:

    Now, about the blotter paper: it’s a gateway beauty product. Stay away from it. I have friends who started out just thinking it was cool, then within weeks they had to have them 3, 4 times a day. And always with the sharing, ‘See how much oil that one just mopped up? How did I show my face in public before these?’. It’s all downhill from there. So next time someone comes at with one of those just say no.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

       @jennapooh1971  I’m now onto rouge.  I know the expression “ladies pinch, whores wear rouge” – but I don’t care.  Rouge rocks!

  4. Craziness Abounds says:

    Look at you being all suave! I wish my ex had worked through things a bit better. It has taken him 6 years to get through this and to where we are now on friendly terms.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

       @Craziness Abounds  Yeah, but he was a psycho.  Ha.

  5. Mondo says:

    You should have brought on Meepers!  

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      I tried.  Ha.  Wouldn’t let me.

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