Instead of trying to impress you with a nice build-up before the story, I'm just going to let the story impress you on its own.
Handerpants
My Review – As Seen On Amazon.com
Perfect If Your Coworkers Grafted a Dick On Your Hand!
As a genetic bio-engineer, I am working on architecting the growth of organs and appendages via biological induction grafting. For you dummies, that means I do things like grow human ears on mice. It's super cool.
One day I fell asleep at work, in the lab, and a couple of the office knuckleheads decided to prank yours truly. Here's what went down. See, we had this dick in the freezer – some Japanese guy kicked off and donated it to us. It's in his will and everything. Pretty wild, right?
So, other than occasionally pulling it out of the fridge and sticking it in Benny's ear for a goof, it doesn't get much action.
Currently we're working on growing a thumb – it's pretty great because all the mice look like they're doing the Fonz's “Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy†as they have a big thumb sticking up on their backs.
Because we're so tied up with the thumb, we have no time to mess around with the freezer dick. Eventually we'll learn how to grow dicks, although more people need new thumbs than dicks, you know?
But, back to my story.
I passed out around noon after a particularly heavy Arby's beef and cheddar lunch. It was one of those five-for-five deals, and I put down the sandwiches in about seven minutes.
When I woke up, Carl was pointing at my hand and laughing. Those bozos has grafted the Japanese dick to my right palm!
Well, two weeks later and the dick's still attached. Apparently my body has “accepted†the dick, and if I have it removed, it'll die or something.
I know – totally bummed.
I reported Carl to HR – although, I did have to admit it was a pretty solid gag. But, walking around with a dick on my hand is a little inconvenient. Plus, it's embarrassing.
Most people don't like seeing dicks in public – there's actually a lot of trouble you can get in showing your dick around town. It's a big deal to the law.
I found the Handerpants on Amazon. It sucks to type with a dick on your hand, as I'm always hitting the “/†key accidentally.
I can now go out into public with ALL of me. My real dick and my palm-dick are both out of sight. And the gloves are fingerless, so I have a little hipster fashion thing going on.
Thank you Handerpants!
Attention public – if you see me walking around, do NOT give me a high five. That really hurts!
bogie says:
although you probably couldn’t tell by my semi-silent, church-type laughter, I am CRACKING UP over here! this is a masterpiece!
D.J. Paris says:
@bogie It really is. I also have another one that I’m even more proud of – here’s the link. http://bit.ly/wZ88EN (tell your friends of my genius)
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