I’m going off caffeine.
For most of my life I wouldn’t let caffeine into my system. I decided at eighteen that it was a terrible chemical to introduce to one’s system and never let it pass my lips. In that same year I became an evangelist against milk and swore off the white. I had read a book which said both were evil and would be the downfall of health. You have to remember that this was before the internet and anything I read in a book was gospel. I fell for pretty much every new-age fad including chakra healing, food combining, subliminal positive messages, and neuro-linguistic programming. I studied hypnosis and moved my furniture around so my bed was in alignment with the earth’s polarity. I bought a juicer and had nothing but freshly squeezed orange juice for breakfast. Today we call that an unbalanced breakfast (and probably the onset of a candida fungus). Back then it was the healthiest thing you could do.
So, even though I would punish my system with heroic amounts of fast food I never touched a Diet Pepsi. Oh, and I couldn’t stand the taste of coffee, either. Weird, I know.
I was good with any of the three flavors of Fresca. Simple and clean.
Well, after a lifetime of avoiding caffeine, I took the plunge. I can’t remember exactly how it happened but, in a moment of weakness I tried a Monster energy drink and got gacked to the nines. Oh yeah, I don’t drink or do drugs, so it was pretty exciting.
Caffeine was a real rush. Pure pleasure shot up my spine and into every neural synapse. I could concentrate like never before and a sense of well-being emerged.
It took around a week before I was hooked.
Unfortunately, my body doesn’t understand moderation. As much as I’ve educated myself through exercise, diet, therapy and education, I’m just not wired up to have one drink of anything. I’ve tried coffee (which I hate) and I end up having like four cups in a row. It’s an insane rush and I must have more.
I even switched recently from caffeine drinks to caffeine pills (not the super unhealthy diet pills – just pure caffeine) to see if that would manage my intake better. It did not. I ended up drinking energy drinks plus the pills.
In short – I was hooked. Correction – I am hooked.
Now, I know people think energy drinks are the devil and all that, but I’ve looked at the research and it’s not all that alarming. I’m not dealing with any health issues that I know of. Of course my adrenal glands are probably burning out, but, who knows?
I decided today to stop cold turkey.
Today is Day 1.
I had a few last energy drinks in my desk at work yesterday. I slammed them in a final hurrah of immaturity.
The reason why I’m giving up caffeine isn’t for a health concern or even that I’m abusing the substance. It’s because it’s yet another example of how I use an external object to take me out of the present. The present consists of my thoughts and feelings. I am so afraid of the tough feelings that I run from them at first sight. We all stray away from time to time, but I’ve remained jacked on the sauce for pretty much every waking hour of the day the past few months. Not ideal.
When I’m on caffeine and not present for my feelings I don’t write well (or at all), I’m not as active with my friends or relationships, and I just don’t get a lot of stuff done. I escape to a fantasy world. It’s a little crazy.
Most people just use a cup of coffee to wake up a bit. I drink 200 mg and start flying around the room.
So tomorrow it’s back to the old D.J. – all of me which includes fear, sadness, anger, and guilt that that I’ve been avoiding for the past three months.
Oh, I know I’m going to have a massive headache for a few days so I will stay jacked up on ibuprofen. I’m okay with that.
Wish me luck.
Julie Chenell DeNeen says:
Woah! No caffeine huh? I couldn’t live without tea. But you sound like you are on the right track. You can do it!
D.J. Paris says:
Sadly, I’m back on it! I have no willpower!
Ryan Biddulph says:
Hi DJ,
I hear you.
I had no caffeine until I was in my 20’s.
Moderate coffee drinker. Then in my 30’s after working strange hours at a pier guard job and working out like a roid head I got hooked.
It drove me mad. I would inevitably get depressed and have a breakdown after guzzling down 3-4 cups daily. My body could not handle it. Too much juice.
Good move.
All the best!
Ryan
D.J. Paris says:
Roid heads are hilarious. I need to go the gyms and see those guys again. They are so much fun to stare at – with their tiny heads and no neck. So great. Ha!
Lorri Neal says:
Yeah, I’m mystified by this entire thing…I can wish you luck whilst knowing emphatically I won’t be joining you in this endeavor anytime soon. I tried it once, hated it and went back. Funny story when I was a kid (70’s) my parents would give us scotch BEFORE they’d let us have coffee. It was like coffee was poison, they were all, “DON’T DRINK THAT!” as a consequence only one of my siblings besides myself does and I’m pretty sure I’m the ONLY one that drinks scotch, also. OAN: Get jacked up on acetaminophen is kinder to your stomach lining.
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks for all the tips and the story of awful parenting!
Vinny C says:
Good luck. You’ll need it. Aside from the headaches, caffeine withdrawal also makes you irritable, anxious and depressed. All-in-all, not fun to be around. That’s why I’ve resolved to not quit coffee ever. I couldn’t expose my wife to that side of me.
D.J. Paris says:
Great point Vinny – I’m back on it now anyway. No will power. And i’m still an asshole. Ha!
Laura says:
Hi DJ-
I drank coffee as a teenager and young adult…then was diagnosed with adult ADD. I think I have been drinking coffee my whole life to cope with ADD. It really helps me concentrate, but drives most people to distraction. Anyway, I figure it is a much better addiction than alcohol… You could try drinking green tea for a few days (which has left caffeine). This might help with withdrawal, which is a pain in the head for some.
D.J. Paris says:
Yeah – good point. I’ll try green tea. I also have stimulant-based ADD meds now, and that really helps.
Cara Lyn Erickson says:
I’m caffine-less. Have been for years. I’m not opposed to caffine… it’s just that any time I decide to have a glass of pop or whatever it may be, I feel totally bloated and disgusting afterwards… probably mostly because I don’t drink caffine and my body is not used to it. And then I think, why would I ever try to get my body used to this? If this is how my body reacts to it, obviously it’s not good for me, so why would I want this to become a regular norm to the point where I don’t notice this feeling (or I don’t feel it anymore because my body finds different ways to deal with it)?
Props to you for cutting it out!
And ps. apples are great for waking you up in the morning… even better than caffine. I have one every morning!
D.J. Paris says:
Apples better than caffeine? You’re crazy, Cara. CRAZY. Also, science is not on your side on this one. Ha! 🙂
Brad Rigg says:
The pain is not worth it. Your brain will be mush for weeks if not months. I am a computer programmer and went off caffeine for a month. I was making mistakes like this: if(a > b && a < b) . Ah blessed caffeine brought back sanity and productivity to my life. They will pry my coffee cup out of my cold dead fingers.
D.J. Paris says:
Brad – you programmers need caffeine to do the job. PHP, SQL, .NET, Java – it’s all caffeine driven. Well said.
Lindsay says:
Wow. You are a stronger and better man than me.
Probably because I am in face a woman. But also probably because I’m on Diet Coke #487 of the day.
D.J. Paris says:
I am a better man! And a better woman than you.
I’m back on the sauce by the way – I have no discipline!
Lindsay says:
And by “face” I mean “fact.” I clearly ready for Diet Coke #488.
D.J. Paris says:
You’re a filthy addict! For shame!
Dee Williamson says:
Oh no!!! The best of luck to you!
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks, Dee!
barbie says:
This story sounds like a repeat. Oh, because it is. See caffeine sober.
D.J. Paris says:
Ha! Thanks, Barbie! (and stop being a pain in the ass)
Sarah says:
Good luck! I gave up all caffeine when I got pregrant with my first daughter. I just recently had my first coffee in 4 years, but then went back to no caffeine. You can do it!
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks, Sarah, for the encouragement!
Napadaisical says:
A word of warning! Do not go cold turkey. After knee surgery I was caffeine free for 48 hours, and thought I was having an aneurism! Withdrawals are mighty painful. I am back on the sauce. I love coffee, one delicious cup a day in the morning, and would never give it up. If you don’t like coffee, though, there really is no reason for caffeine in your life. Good luck. You are a brave soldier.
D.J. Paris says:
I’ll let you know how it pans out. The last time the headaches were brutal! Ha.
48 Hour Retreat says:
I have been on & off caffeine for weeks at a time over the last few months. Good luck in getting that monkey off of your back! I have never had a cup of coffee — I prefer my caffeine cold with bubbles (Diet Coke is my main drug of choice, but I will quickly turn to Monster to get me hyped for an evening out).
I hope you do it and can keep it up.
D.J. Paris says:
I, too, love the Monster. Manna from heaven!
Walker Thornton says:
“The reason why I’m giving up caffeine isn’t for a health concern or even that I’m abusing the substance. It’s because it’s yet another example of how I use an external object to take me out of the present. ” That totally resonates with me! Yep, yep.
Will be following to see how this goes!
D.J. Paris says:
You’re a caffeine addict too? Solid – let’s go use together!
Walker Thornton says:
ANY Time baby…bring it on. I like it strong! and hot…..
Potion Witch says:
Good luck! I think I’d rather give up food!
D.J. Paris says:
Well, I should give up some types of food, too. Ha!
Kristine says:
So I guess I don’t need to tell you to stay away from the Skittles, do I ? 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
Skittles are terrible. Sure I’ll still pound a bag should it be nearby, but definitely not a great candy. Starburst, however…
Katie says:
Better you than me dude! The only caffeinated beverage I drink is coffee and only in the morning. But I can quite any time. So…
It’s not a habit
It’s cool
I feel alive
If you don’t have it you’re on the other side
I’m not an addict
D.J. Paris says:
Awesome poem! I think. I don’t understand poetry. Maybe it sucked, I don’t know. 🙂
Jeff Baker says:
Good luck! Will check back in to see how you are doing. Jeff
D.J. Paris says:
Sadly, I made it a few months and am now back on. Going off it in a week. I swear! (I’m probably lying)
Nicole C says:
This is like Netflix and me. I’m going cold turkey as well. Hopefully we’ll turn out alright.
D.J. Paris says:
Just remember – you can always steal movies and television online. Ha!
Leigh Ann says:
The thought of no caffeine makes me panicky. Mainly because I know the headache that would ensue. It’s one of the things that makes me hesitant to do any kind of cleanse that restricts caffeine. But I’ve come to love coffee so much that I’ll even drink decaf if I’m at a coffee shop working at night.
D.J. Paris says:
The headaches are brutal, but only last a week or so. Don’t be a pussy. 🙂
Ima Mosier says:
I am totally addicted. Good luck with the drying out phase. I would probably attack someone if I went cold turkey.
D.J. Paris says:
Well, if you’re going to attack someone, at least make it one of your enemies. Don’t waste it!
Todd Waters says:
so interesting – i woke up about a week ago and everywhere i went it smelled like burnt (and i mean Burnt) coffee – eventually determined it was ME – although no one else could smell anything funny about me – the smell became strongly when i was around coffee and when i smelled coffee and even coffee Grounds! – i too decided that my body was telling me i had enough COFFEE (not caffeine – i now drink green tea for a little pickmeup in the a.ms usually – it’s working for me – although yesterday i was at a particularly cultured (italian/irish) friend’s house and he add some espresso grounds – i sniffed them and the unpleasantness, though still there, had reduced somewhat – i predict i will be able to drink coffee again (with moderation this time) in about 2 weeks! looking forward to that first cup of expresso, properly sized and served and enjoyed like that ‘freak’ from the Conan O’Brien show – u know the guy i mean!
D.J. Paris says:
Todd – you’re a weird dude. That’s okay, though. I’m a weird dude too.
Sharona Zee says:
DJ,
I think it’s a great discipline to give something up now and then…it’s kind of like the principle behind the season of Lent. I think it really helps my focus!
best of luck!
D.J. Paris says:
I was a Protestant at Catholic school and never understood the Lent thing. I would think God would have better to do than worry about my meat consumption. Ha!
Elle says:
Great catch! I love your reasoning for the cease and desist. I am really interested to hear the change you see in your life experience a month from now.
D.J. Paris says:
Hmm – sad to say, I’m back on it! But I’m getting off it again. I’m like a yo-yo. Ha!
D. Gilmour says:
I think your next addiction should be pure oxygen. You know, O2, the good stuff. Carry around an extra tank and people will just think you have emphysema. Plus you’ll get preferred parking at the mall.
D.J. Paris says:
This is a great idea! I’ll get high on pretty much anything. Why not O2?