It’s been three weeks since I wrote anything.

Well, this is not entirely true. I did post a story last week about how it was discovered that my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend is now seriously dating a woman I used to see ten years prior.

You may have to read that twice. There isn’t an easier way to explain it.

It is an amazing coincidence and a hell of a fun story to put on the blog. I had to take it down, however, as it violated some boundaries. First, the story didn’t have that much to do with me. I was only one of the four players involved. Second, it had not yet been revealed to this guy that I had dated his girlfriend. There is a chance he would have stumbled across this blog and found out. Third, I had accidentally revealed some details about my girlfriend that weren’t fair to her.

I thought of rewriting the story to protect everyone, but I couldn’t figure out how to do it. It had to be unpublished and now it’s in the vault.

About once a year I write something that ultimately has to come down. It’s always for the same reason – I have violated someone’s privacy. And in small ways that I don’t realize at the time. It’s a good reminder to keep this blog focused on the one person willing to violate his privacy – me.

Okay – so what’s up with me? Why haven’t I been writing?

I’m not lazy, so that’s not it.

Simple – I don’t have any ideas!

Recently I’ve been going on a SiriusXM and podcast binge. On the subway to work (45 minutes) I do nothing except stay entertained with talk shows. Then I’m at the office all day where I’m busy making a living. On the way back, more podcasts and satellite radio. Then it’s home where I stay occupied with television and other distractions.

I know that to have ideas I actually must take time out of my day to let ideas emerge. Which means I have to get quiet for a least a little while. This I haven’t done.

While on vacation in Nicaragua I assumed I’d amass a huge number of stories to write about when I got back. But I didn’t. I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t bursting with blog posts. The answer is the same as now – I was too busy on holiday to notice what would make for a fun blog entry.

I do have a few stories to tell which should come out shortly. One about how we shared a treehouse open-air cabana with two bats in the middle of a monkey forest overlooking one of the top surf spots in this half of the world. We had a net around our bed to keep out the bugs. It was crazy. And no hot water – this was an expensive hotel, mind you.

Going forward it’s important for me to get back to basics. Namely, starting each day with this one thought – What the hell should I write about when I get home tonight?

Then I actually have to shut up and listen to my brain. Eventually something comes up and I start typing.


These sons of bitches flew around my head while I was reading. It was terrifying.


I Don’t Know How to Soothe Myself

by D.J. Paris on January 21, 2014

What do you do to soothe yourself when you’re having a rough day?

I stared at my therapist blankly.

By 10am I had been having a “not feeling good” kind of morning. The cold and the sludge and no sun – it was affecting my well-being. I was bummed. Plus, I hadn’t slept enough the night before. Not in a good mood.

The first thing that my therapist does in our sessions is to ask how I’m doing.

“All I want is to go home, overeat pizza until I pass out, play video games, write jokes on Twitter so people tell me I’m funny, and not be responsible.”

Okay, you want to blow off the day. How will that make you feel if you do those things?

“Um – worse.”

So, escaping is not going to make you feel better. What could you do instead?

“There are things I can do instead of blowing off the day to change my mood?”

She then asked the soothing question. I didn’t understand what “soothing” meant so I asked for examples. Being a woman she listed things like chocolate, pedicures or massages, buying an item of clothing. These I can’t relate to, but I understood the concept. She was talking about self-care. What were some small gifts I could give myself that would change my feelings?

I can’t put on music or a podcast at work and it’s too damned cold to take a walk with my dog. Other than that, I was out of ideas.

She reminded me that I didn’t have any other strategies to cope with a tough day other than powering through or completely escaping. Both are not ideal.

I needed to find ways to give myself things I enjoy when I’m feeling crummy. The problem is I have no idea what soothes me. I just know how to obliterate feelings by going off the deep end into short-term pleasure.

Since I didn’t have any suggestions on soothing she offered this idea – I start trusting that my body knows this information. To continue to stay with the discomfort until answers bubble up from the feeling. I agreed to give it a shot and went back out into the cold.

What I ended up doing was leaving work a few hours early and taking an hour long nap. That was what my body was telling me to do. Then I was interviewed for someone’s podcast and my body suggested another short nap. I obliged.

Now, I’m ready for bed and I feel better. I listened internally and did the suggested actions. I didn’t blow off the day or try to use force to change my state. I trusted there was something happening inside of me and that it would pass. It did.

I still ate pizza and tweeted a little and I’m about to play a video game. But all in small doses.

I wish someone when I was younger would have told me how “feeling your feelings” would be one of the most useful skills to life. Would have saved me God-knows-how-much in therapy.

That being said, I’m still allowing one blow off day a week. Getting high by eating four donuts at 10am is simply fun. Don’t judge me.


I can’t believe I ate just a few of you. Moderation is weird.

photo credit: Adam Kuban via photopin cc


Heading to Las Vegas For the Nerdiest Reason Ever

by D.J. Paris on January 2, 2014

I’m a blog conference junkie.

This year I’m attending New Media Expo (NMX), BlogHer, Type A Parent (mind you, I’m not a parent), and the AimingLow Non-Con. I’m also currently on the waiting list for the Erma Bombeck Humor Writer’s Conference. If I could take more time off work I probably would attend Social Media Marketing World. Okay, enough of this nerdy list. You don’t care.

Currently sitting in an airport getting ready to board a flight to Las Vegas. I don’t even like Las Vegas. Well, not really. It’s a little too crazy for me and I’m kind of vanilla. I don’t frequent strip clubs, I’m booze-free, and I haven’t the stomach for true gambling. I’ll play a few hands of blackjack, but will stop after losing $100. And I’ll be super-pissed about even that.

I wasn’t originally going to attend NMX this year. It would have been be my third year in a row and I thought a break was in order.  Then, a month ago they did some brilliant marketing.

I received an email telling me that my podcast had been nominated for an award. They host a podcast awards ceremony and some big podcasters show up. I haven’t looked into it, but I suspect I’m nominated in the humor category. I’m not sure how the nominations work, so if one of you did it, thanks. I won’t win, but hey, bragging rights. My dog and cat will be so impressed!

As soon as I read through the nomination my ego inflated and I decided right then and there that I was going to the conference. Oh, back to their brilliance. What pushed me over the edge was that they provided a coupon for half-off admission because of the nomination. I have a lot of frequent flyer miles and the suites at the Rio are only like $40 a night. All in all, it’s not an expensive trip.

Well, I do splurge at least once per Vegas trip and do one of those $60 buffets. Sure, the food’s always disappointing, but I feel like a big shot. Last year I did the Cosmopolitan’s buffet – I felt wealthy and cool! (I’m neither)

I’m flying in a day early so I can have some fun. I don’t have anything planned, but obviously there’s plenty to do. I’d like to take in a show if I can find something interesting.

Here’s an ego-deflater. I sent out a tweet a few weeks back asking followers if they wanted to do a reader meet-up. I’ve done this before in a other cities and it’s been a good time. I figured since I have around 100k followers I’d get a decent-sized number of interested peeps.

I received exactly three responses.

Now, I’m thrilled that anyone wants to hang out with me. Three people is better than none! However, I know from organizing events like this that most people won’t end up coming. I’m looking at a realistic number of one person coming to have a drink with me. And, while that would make for a great blog post, I feel like that interaction is too personal and intimate. It’s just weird.

So, for all intents and purposes I’ll be alone during my free time in Las Vegas. I’m not saddened by this reality. I’ve learned one thing when traveling by myself – with social media you’re never really alone.

If I want responses from strangers I’ll tweet out a joke. If I’d prefer my friends to remind me that I’m loved, posting a Facebook status will generate a few likes.

So, I’ll probably be a bit needier (not sure if that’s a word) than normal over the next few days. I’ll lean on you and appreciate each reply.

Thanks in advance for your validation.

Now, I’m off to craft a joke about how I believe that foreigner pee smells worse that American pee in airport bathrooms. It really does.

airport bathroom


Leslie Marinelli – In The Powder Room – The Bearded Iris – Bloggers are Weird Podcast

September 8, 2013

Today we sit down with author and editor-in-chief Leslie Marinelli to discuss her new compilation You Have Lipstick in Your Teeth, her website InThePowderRoom, and why she buys the chub pack of Lady Bic razors. Via iTunes Via the official ThoughtsFromParis app for Apple or Android devices! Zune or Blackberry store (just search) Via Android device – download your favorite […]

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Queerie Bradshaw – Part II – Bloggers are Weird Podcast

September 3, 2013

The part II interview that was re-recorded because I lost the original part II! That didn’t come out right. Anyway, another hour from the great Queerie Bradshaw, lesbian feminist, politiqueer, public speaker, and humorist. Oh, and she’s writing a book and doing a new podcast. Listen now! Via iTunes Via the official ThoughtsFromParis app for Apple […]

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Queerie Bradshaw – Part I – Bloggers are Weird Podcast

August 26, 2013

D.J. invites political activist, feminist, and sex and humor blogger Queerie Bradshaw to talk about what we don’t. In this episode we learn about her background in sex education, law, and writing. Part II coming soon! Via iTunes Zune or Blackberry store (just search) Via Android device – download your favorite podcast app and add the […]

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ThoughtsFromParis Android App is Now Live!

August 24, 2013

I was going to wait until both versions went live, but screw it. I’m very proud to announce that the official ThoughtsFromParis app is now available for free in Google Play. You can download it here! If you’re an iPhone or iPad user, it will be live by next Tuesday in the Apple App Store. For […]

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Jessica Bari – Sex, Dating, and Humor

August 20, 2013

D.J. sits down with funnywoman Jessica Bari to discuss being a shock-blogger, a sex/relationship coach, and why dating when you’re a blogger sucks fat ones. Via iTunes Zune or Blackberry store (just search) Via Android device – download your favorite podcast app and add the feed -> http://bloggersareweird.com/feed Visit the official Bloggers are Weird website Watch via […]

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Dino Dogan – Triberr – Bloggers are Weird

August 11, 2013

I sit down with controversial social media visionary Dino Dogan to talk about what bloggers can do to increase their visibility. You’ll learn why doing collective marketing benefits the whole and why you don’t need to worry about your Facebook fan page or Twitter numbers. If you’re a blogger, you can’t miss this. Via iTunes Zune […]

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OldDogNewTits – LOST EPISODE – Bloggers Are Weird

July 29, 2013

Normally “Lost Episodes” mean leftover crap that broadcasters put out when they don’t have any good new material. Not the case this time! Fantastic interview with fantastic blogger OldDogNewTits – LISTEN! Via iTunes Zune or Blackberry store (just search) Via Android device – download your favorite podcast app and add the feed -> http://bloggersareweird.com/feed Visit the official […]

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I Got Stood Up For a Date But Still Got to Eat BBQ

June 15, 2013

Well, not technically “stood up.” I wasn’t that sad sack sitting at a table for two watching a candle melt down and consistently asking for water refills waiting for my date not to arrive. In the afternoon my date sent me a text message, “Something came up – can’t make it tonight. So sorry.” I […]

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