Just Got Off The Phone With A Teen Pop Star

I’m really mad at you, you know.

Why?

Because when I was fifteen I was a busboy at a steakhouse and busy not getting dates.  You’re winning national singing contests and releasing videos.

Ha ha!  Oh… Wait… I didn’t mean to laugh at you.

This was how the beginning of my interview went with up-and-coming teen pop star, Kiana Brown.  She was getting ready to shoot a video for her single Hey Chica and took some time to hang with me over the phone.  I had written about twenty questions in advance but many had to be scrapped because they were, quite frankly, inappropriate.

Kiana’s a signed artist with RCA and recently won KidzBop, the USA’s largest teen singing contest.  She beat out forty thousand other singers and received two million votes.  Overachieve much, K?

A few of my questions that landed on the cutting room floor.

• I heard a rumor that during the contest you were actively praying to God to deliver bronchitis to the other three finalists.  How do you respond?
• Obviously you’re better than most of us.  How much better would you estimate?
• Have you ever accidentally belched into the microphone going for a high E?

I did ask her if she would write me a song and, when her single goes platinum, if I can move into the guesthouse of her future Hollywood mansion.  She said yes to both, and with respect to the house would make me a plaque with my full name above the door, so that everyone would know I lived there.  (she was making fun of my name)

Since my maturity hovers around fourteen to sixteen years of age, we were on the same wavelength.  However, I’m a terrible interviewer.  I interrupted her a good six times during our thirty minute conversation.  This is going to make writing the piece a little difficult.

The hardest part of the competition was the waiting.  It’s really stressful and you’re on pins and needles just passing time.  Also, you have to practice…

Oh yeah, I’m in a band.  We practice all the time.  Did I mention I was in a band?

Yes. Yes you did.

I told Kiana that I was currently more famous than her because I had more Twitter followers and that she must listen to my career advice.  I then realized I had no actual advice.  I suggested she defer to her managers.

To end the interview I said something in retrospect that probably came across as creepy.  I said, “If you’re ever in Chicago I’ll come out and see you!”  I meant that I would go to the show and watch her perform.  I should have been more specific.

Anyway, Kiana’s a fun kid and I like her quite a bit.  Now I have to write an article about her and get the sucker published.  In the meantime, check out her video below.  The song drops on June 19th, and I hope it hits big.  This way I can become her official biographer and have a reason to move into the guest house.