Yesterday I wrote about how I goofed and showed up at my birthday dinner a full day before my birthday.
Well, today WAS my actual birthday. I had to go in to work in the morning for a few hours, but then I had the rest of the day free. I thought, “What would I like to do today?”
There were four big festivals going on here in Chicago, and I thought I should want to go to one of them. Seemed like the thing to do. But I didn’t want to go.
One of my biggest hurdles in the past few years has been letting go of what I think I “should be doing” and actually listening my internal compass about what feels like what I would actually want. This is difficult for me.
I was in an airport recently and there were over a dozen different restaurants. I was going through security trying to figure out what I was hungry for. I came up empty. I knew I was hungry but no idea what my body wanted to eat. I ended up at Chili’s Too because it seemed like the best choice intellectually. Had a crappy burger.
So the idea of listening internally is weird. But this feeling came over me and said, “You don’t really want to go to any of these festivals, do you?” And I had to admit that I really didn’t. This was confusing. What I didn’t want to do was what I thought I should want to do. You’re probably confused now, too. Damn my poor use of grammar and explanatory structure!
Then, a feeling hit me. And that feeling was to get myself to the beach, post haste. Now, I live a mile from the beach. I go there every weekend. But not for me.
I go there to the dog section so my dog can run around with the other dogs. Except my dog doesn’t really like it. She’s good for about ten minutes, and then it’s clear she wants to leave. I’ve been taking her pretty much every weekend in the summer for a few years. Recently it occurred to me that I could stop as she just isn’t a beach dog. Only took me two years to figure this out.
The idea of just me going to the beach was crazy. I can honestly say that in eleven years of living here, I think I only have done that one other time. In my mind, I didn’t like the beach. Laying out all day seemed like something I shouldn’t want to do.
So, I went without the dog.
I loved it. I don’t think it’s something I would do every weekend, but laying out listening to an audiobook was fun. Since I’m no beach tramp, I didn’t pack properly. Sunscreen was not considered.
I fell asleep about twenty minutes into a Wayne Dyer lecture I was pretending to understand. As a blonde haired guy, this did not fare thy well.
So, I got burned for the second time in two days. By myself both times.
But, at least I did something new that I didn’t know I liked.