Coming Home – Vlog
Do you enjoy coming home? I guess that depends if your parents suck or not. Here’s my...
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The Best Joke I Wrote Last Night In A Dream
A few times a week I find myself coming up with a joke during a dream. And that joke, I’m absolutely convinced, is the greatest joke of all time. Every time. I vow upon awaking that I will write this gem down and create that day’s blog post around it. I get excited and actually think that this will be funniest post I’ve ever written. Yes, this all happens during a dream. ...
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31 Posts in 31 Days
I’m just like George Thorogood. Well, I’m white. He’s white. We both play guitar. We’re both in bands. We both have giant skulls. And we both love a challenge. In 1981 George did probably the coolest thing a rock star could – he booked and performed fifty shows in fifty states in fifty days. I committed in January to writing a post every day. One reason was...
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Where Do You Waste Time? Vlog
I’m a time waster, and last night it reared it’s ugly head in the form of a video game. Watch below and then cleanse yourself by telling my readers where YOU screw...
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Sitting with Hard Feelings is Exhausting
It’s been awhile since I put the fart humor aside (pains me to even write such a sentence), and talked about something more real, but I think it’s time. One of my good friends, Bill Flynn, is known for saying that doing emotional work is much more exhausting than physical work. I have found this to be true as well. Today, I woke up at nine am, which gave me a solid nine hours of...
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Who Do You Read? (Other Than Me)
The other day, my pal Laura Roeder published an article I wrote about building reader loyalty. If you want to read the article, click here! I had written this piece last year and totally forgot about it. As I was reading it back I was pleased to see that I follow most of the rules that I recommended. However… I’ve never asked you guys who else YOU are reading! There are other funny...
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Captions From Readers – II
Photos sent by readers that they demand I caption! Will I write a 10? A 5? Only you will know! By reading this! Right now! Goddammit! By the way, if you want a photo captioned, please email it t0 dj@thoughtsfromparis.com Sent from Whitney C (taken by husband) Sent and Taken By David K Sent and Taken By FC Think you can do better? Prove it! Write your...
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ThoughtsFromParis Is Officially In The Black!
I am absolutely not joking when I write that I had to Google “in the black” to confirm that the meaning of that idiom is “making money.” I thought it might be “in the red” or for some reason, “in the pink.” Well, anyway, I’m very proud and humbled to say that thanks to you readers, after expenses (hosting/bandwidth), this website has clocked...
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First Reader Photo Submitted – CaptionsFromParis
Yesterday I rolled out a new feature on the site called… This is where you send me an image and I write a funny caption as only my wit can perform so effortlessly and effectively. Please send in your photos to dj@thoughtsfromparis.com and I’ll try to do something awesome for you. I’ll probably save future images for a once a week post, but I thought I’d kick it off...
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Introducing CaptionsFromParis!
A reader named Suzanne sent me this photo and wrote… Please use this photo in your next post and write something funny in the caption. Now, I’ll admit that particular line isn’t my best but it’s still a solid seven. I’m pretty damned good at writing funny captions on pictures. So I want to introduce a new feature called… Once a week, I’ll take a few...
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Cat Peeing – SOLVED
I’ve previously discussed how my cat Pantaloons has an unfortunate habit of urinating outside her litter box. More specifically she urinates on the rug just to the right of my bed. This is where, when I spring out of bed in the morning (and yes, I spring), I step. Now, thankfully she hasn’t ever done it in the middle of the night because I get up at least twice like an old...
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I’m Singing Solo!
The first song I ever sang in front of an audience was Mother by Pink Floyd. I was a fifth year in college and in a small acoustic bar band call Raif LaShanks. The name Raif LaShanks came from some NBA player named Raef LaFrentz. We changed it to Shanks because we thought obscure slang for STDs were funny. What was really odd about my choice was that Mother is not exactly a feel-good bar...
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The Woman I’m Dating Is Into Cat Whiskers (Like Me)
Familiar with kismet? For all you knuckle-draggers, it’s fate or destiny. And while I don’t believe we can heal others with our positive thoughts, or in crystals or guardian angels, I do believe in meeting someone at the right time that can border on magic. If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that I invited a reader to fly up and spend Thanksgiving with me and...
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I Bought My Twitter Followers – A Confession
Okay, my only mandate on this blog is… Write the truth. Don’t lie, and don’t exaggerate (or try really hard not to). Why? Because it’s too easy to lie to make a point or a joke. I’ve found that in life the hardest thing to do for me is to expose my vulnerabilities to others. It’s scary, and my mind has many ways of coping. Mostly by denial and/or...
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If You Prefer Cold Weather, You’re a Jerk
About once every two years I meet someone during the winter who proudly exclaims, “I love winter!” You ever stumble across one of these foolios? I look at him (it’s always a him) and I say, “I don’t believe you.” By the way, these winter-lovers always talk about it from the office at work which is already comfortably heated to 72 degrees. During this...
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I Have Never Watched A Weatherman
It’s estimated that today we’re supposed to receive two to four inches of snow here in Chicago. Just two days ago it was 51 degrees. Been a great January so far. Yesterday the big news was that it was supposed to be six to eight inches. I’m pretty sure that weathermen always overestimate so that their viewers will feel relieved when it’s much milder. Here’s a...
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Day 11 of 30 Day Blog Challenge – I Gots Nothing
After a very long day, I am finally home. At work I only consumed 300 calories, which is because I typically don’t schedule lunch. This is incredible unhealthy, and I’m sure my metabolism is that of a borderline diabetic. Then, I had a support group meeting, talking about my feelings for two hours, drank a Fanta (110 calories), and got home around 9pm. I finally gourged on food,...
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Help Me Complete My Workout Playlist!
I have a wedding coming up in a few months. Since I am at my fattest, it’s time to slim down. I really have no excuse since I live two and half blocks from my gym. It’s time to get down and get healthy. I need your help. What songs should I power squat to? I’ll be running, lifting weights, and not eating McDonald’s. Here’s the playlist I have so...
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My Microwave Was Leaky! (the word leaky is awesome – it just is)
This past weekend I found out my microwave had stopped working because it was leaking radiation. The unit has a kill switch that triggers when it senses the electromagenitc waves are not contained within the microwave itself. So, for the past month I was without a microwave. And you know what? I realized I only use it for a few things. Namely cooking popcorn. I’m not a coffee or tea...
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Make 2012 The Year of the Bed Suspenders
Last year, the Chinese dubbed 2011 The Year of the Rabbit. Boooooooooring. In response, I named 2011 The Year of the Shower Glove. Thousands read this manifest on better experiences while showering. I received not one but TWO cease and desist letters from the National Washcloth Council. Okay, full disclosure. I did not receive any such letters. In fact, I doubt they even read my...
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First Vlog of 2012!
Thought I’d check in and tell you a few things that are going on – click below and watch. If you don’t have speakers, and can’t read lips, you will be confused and...
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How To Comment as a Guest! (stay anonymous and dirty)
A number of you have told me that you’re having problems commenting as a guest. Commenting as a guest is a new feature from LiveFyre, and I want to show you how to do it easily. Now, start commenting! Instructions for Commenting as a Guest Enter a display name, your e-mail address, a URL of your choice (optional), and then click “Next” Click “Skip” to complete the guest...
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New Logo, Suckas!
There are a couple of issues with my site that have been bothering me. It’s taking forever to load. I never fully loved the guy floating. The speed thing is being looked at. Because my site has so much design (most blogs don’t), it’s tricky to keep the integrity of the graphics and also have the blog load at a decent clip. Thanks for being patient, and we’ll get it...
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I Need Your Help Choosing An Intro!
Since I’m doing a lot more videos this year, I decided to build a proper intro. Because I’m insane, I decided to build two. These will be placed at the beginning of my vlogs (video blogs). Watch below and then vote for your favorite one below that! You will choose the awesomeness that will precede the awesomeness that is me. <a...
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My Bed Gets Peed On (a lot)
Last night I came home from four days away in Atlanta visiting the woman I’m seeing. When I’m gone I usually take my dog to the groomer who watches her throughout the day and takes her home to his place. She even sleeps in bed with him. That leaves my cat. My cat is dumb. I know that everyone says either their pets are smart or dumb, but mine really is dumb. Example: When I...
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I Went To The South! (and came back to make fun of it)
I just got home after having spent four days in Atlanta visiting reader-turned-girlfriend Jessica. She was nice enough to open her home to me, and I got a chance to meet her friends and spend time in her nook of the city. A few things I noticed about being in Atlanta. Most men with intense southern accents I incorrectly assumed as gay. Now, it is the case that Jessica lives in an area of...
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It’s Time To Sell Out!
Yep – the time is here. I finally have rolled out an advertising platform for ThoughtsFromParis. In the past I’ve turned down every sponsor that wanted to promote here. This includes, but not limited to: Adult toys Adult movies Adult “cheat on your wife” websites Electronic cigarettes Gambling sites from the Caribbean Well, if I was a store, this is my grand opening...
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Let’s Hang Out In Atlanta on Thursday!
Hello ThoughtsFromParis Atlanta fans! I will be in the ATL ready to have a drink with you in just a few days. What : (Fans + D.J.+ drinks) x Atlanta = Awesome Where : Ormsbys 1170 Howell Mill Road Atlanta, GA 30318 (in Westside, West Midtown) When: Thursday, December 29th at 7:30pm Let’s hang out for a few and take some photos. If things get wild I may jump atop the bar and wriggle. Reply...
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I’m At My (Fat) Bottom – Happy Christmas Eve!
And now, a special holiday greeting about Christmas Eve from ThoughtsFromParis. Just kidding! It’s about me. It’s always about...
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‘Twas the Day Before the Day Before… (worst title ever – jeez)
Happy December 23rd! Today’s all about getting ready for the parties and family that are inevitable coming over to hang and drink the ‘nog. Eggnog is disgusting. Don’t drink it. If you do, you’re really just hurting yourself with terribleness. Curious to learn more of my background? My roots? Then watch the video...
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TweetsFromParis – A Retrospective – Part II
Hey, remember all the crazy crap I did last year? Me neither! Thankfully the internet records all my goodness for you. I decided to see what I was up to this past year, reflected in my tweets and Facebook status updates. I present to you, my dearest readers (that mean the ones most dear, namely the hottest) with a few choice selections from my brain. This is TweetsFromParis. If you missed...
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TweetsFromParis – A Retrospective – Part I
Hey, remember all the crazy crap I did last year? Me neither! Thankfully the internet records all my goodness for you. I decided to see what I was up to this past year, reflected in my tweets and Facebook status updates. I present to you, my dearest readers (that mean the ones most dear, namely the hottest) with a few choice selections from my brain. This is TweetsFromParis. Part I is...
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Sitting In My Room With The Lights Off At 8:30pm In My Bed On Friday
Ever once in awhile I get super depressed. Not “hide the razorblades” depressed, but more “eat too much, watch an Office rerun and pig out on LifeSavers” depressed. I’m bummed about finances. Thankfully I’m not a debt person – I mean I pay a mortgage, but no other obligations. I have to write the government a big tax check by December 31st because I...
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Last Night I Wrote The Greatest Episode of Workaholics Ever
Last night I wrote the greatest episode of Workaholics ever. I was dreaming, mind you, but I swear it really was fantastic. In my dreams I have the ability to judge quality as it pertains to the waking world. Had it been crap, I would be telling you that I wrote a crappy episode of Workaholics. But I didn’t. It was great. Now, a scant fourteen hours later I have lost all semblance...
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ThoughtsFromParis Holiday Fan Party in Your Town!
Watch below… Attention Atlanta Readers! – email me at dj@thoughtsfromparis.com or use my contact form and let me know if you’d like to come to our ThoughtsFromParis Holiday Fan Party Get-Together Bonanza Extravaganza on December 29th. Drinks are on you! Get A ThoughtsFromParis Holiday Card – email me your mailing address, and make sure to tweet/facebook out a link to...
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The Worst Thing About Christmas
People who write comedy often spin the negative of a tradionally positive event to make easy jokes. For example if I had titled this post “The Best Thing About Christmas,” it might be sweet but it certainly wouldn’t be funny. It’s hard to find humor in harmony and beauty. Let’s try one now. The worst thing about a gorgeous sunset in Maui is… Hmm… I...
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The Cause Of My Suffering
I’d like to get serious for a moment. For reals, yo. The cause of much of my suffering is the illusion that I am different from you. We are all different. We’re not all the same. You have certain abilities and I have others. Different. But when I see myself as different from you, I tend to focus on how we’re different, and then I categorize that into a...
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DoubleBack – This Week In TFP – 12/6-12/11
It’s another end of the week recap at ThoughtsFromParis. If you notice, there’s a brand new logo above, and I like it. I also did some of the design, and while I’m no artist, I’ve seen worse. My Holiday Card Giving / Receiving Ratio Sucks! – You know who you are. I Want To Send YOU A Holiday Card! - If you haven’t already, please send me your address and...
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Cracking Your Knuckles Is Gross
I’m not traditionally a man’s man. I’m not effeminate, either. My condo is usually less than perfectly clean, I don’t spend more than 30 seconds on my hair (brushes and combs are lame), and once a week I go to sleep without brushing my teeth. I don’t use any moisturizer on my face nor do I wear cologne. But I also have never slept in a tent or gone hunting. I...
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Last Night I Met One Of You! (And You Didn’t Kill Me)
I’m in a band. And, without any false ego here, I think we’re pretty damned good. Everyone who is in a band has some sort of “famous” fantasy – mine goes like this: We finish our set and get offstage. A woman comes walking over telling me she really likes the music and that we made her night. Then she motions over to her table where she and a few friends are...
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New Tagline Live! – Feedback Requested
Okay, first thank you to everyone that suggested new taglines. As you can see above I chose the one that I used on my sidebar “About D.J.” Which is now different. If you don’t see it, do this nifty trick on your computer. Hold down Ctrl and hit F5. I want your feedback! Love it/Hate it/Want to firebomb your...
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Help Me Figure Out A Tagline!
Now that I’m ranking really high on Google for terms like “best blog” and “funny blog”, my traffic is exploding. I need to come up with a good tagline underneath the main title image of “ThoughtsFromParis.” Why? Because I think people don’t know what the hell to think when they visit my site for the first time. Am I from Paris, France? Is this...
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I Want To Send YOU A Holiday Card!
In my last post I talked about how I send out a lot more holiday cards than I receive. And, last night, as I sat having a conversation with the wall, I wondered aloud if I there was anything I could do for all the people like me. But then I thought, “And is there also a way I can exploit these people to my benefit?” I think I figured it out – watch. What To...
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My Holiday Card Giving / Receiving Ratio Sucks!
I’m not sure you can relate to this, but each year I send out about forty holiday cards, and at best, receive ten back. Do I have crappy friends? Possibly. Or maybe I just send cards out to people that don’t send out cards. Either way, I don’t get angry about it. But I do get sad. I have noticed that over the years I have not traditionally received a lot of holiday card...
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DoubleBack – This Week in TFP –11/28/11 – 12/4/11
Hey, I forgot all about doing this! It’s back, like that wart you gnawed off four months ago. In case you’re new to ThoughtsFromParis, or didn’t read this week, here’s what you missed… I Did Something F***ing Crazy Over Thanksgiving – Part I – Me dating a reader? Yes, please! I Did Something F***ing Crazy Over Thanksgiving – Part II – My...
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I Owe TheBloggess An O’Doul’s
I was supposed to watch TheBloggess speak at an event in LA a month ago. Jenny was to be a featured keynote at a convention I was attending, and I was pretty excited. I emailed her and told her I would wait until after her session and give her a solid open-mouth kiss. Also, take a photo. Unfortunately, she had to bail due to a scheduling conflict. Bitch. But instead of shanking her with my...
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My First Vlog! Watch The Awesomeness!
Decided it was time to show my beautiful visage. It ought to be this way. Enjoy. (for all you nerds, you can even watch it in...
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What’s Up With All This Depression?
It seems like depression seems to be hitting the blogosphere. At least with the people I read online. Two of the biggest bloggers, The Bloggess and Hyperbole and a Half have both recently detailed their journeys through depression, just in the past week. So, since I’m a big follower and not much a leader, I’m going to take my turn! (Following that is. Not sure if that was...
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My Dog Is Now A Licensed Therapy Dog (Again)
About two years ago I had my dog certified with Therapy Dogs International so that she could participate in programs with the elderly and children in hospitals. Unfortunately, I found that because this organization resides is Jersey, the certificate is largely useless here in Chicago. They have little pull in the Midwest. So, recently I needed to get my dog certified with Rainbow Dogs, which has...
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I Value Celebrity Over Non-Celebrity – A Confession
I need to tell on myself, to once again reveal an insecurity. Last night a woman contacted me online, who happens to be the wife of a national television news anchor. (…and no, this isn’t Gertie Rather) I just guessed that Dan Rather’s wife would be called Gertrude, even though a simple Google search revealed that she is actually named Jean. Since I’m so enamored with...
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I Grew A Mustache! (Back in 2009)
Back in November 2009, I participated in Mo’vember, which is a charity to raise awareness for men’s prostate cancer. Basically, you grow a mustache, hit up your friends for money, and then shave it off December 1. I had never grown one before, and let me tell you a few things. It came out red. I looked like John Holmes. It looked really bad, and got to be so embarrassing that on...
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What’s All This Farting About?
I haven’t figured out why, but sometimes I wake up farting. You’d think that after 35 years I would have reverse engineered this algorithm, but I truly haven’t. Now, I know this topic seems incredibly immature and sophomoric, but let me explain myself. I estimate that 95% of the time when I wake up, I do not start the day destroying my bedroom. But this morning I did. So,...
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D.J. Is Going Back To College! (Maybe)
I received an extremely interesting email yesterday. Let me back up a few steps and start that over. Most of my readership, it appears, are women. I have no way to verify this, but judging by the emails that comes in, it’s almost always from ladies. Notice how I didn’t say “the ladies” there? Ugh, I hate that douchey phrase. Anyway… Probably the biggest reason...
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Fire Scare
So, this just happened. I was on the phone talking with a friend, lying down on the bed in the second bedroom, when all of a sudden I smelled smoke. I leaped up, ran into the hallway, and noticed smoke accumulating around the ceiling lighting. My first thought was the air conditioner. Even though it’s sort of past air conditioning season, today was 82 here in Chicago. Since...
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How The Two-Year Old Me Is Wiser Than the Thirty-Five Year Old Me
I was at a men’s weekend retreat recently. The whole program was designed around “finding your shadow.“ What is one’s shadow? It’s the darkest parts of us, the most depraved, undesirable characteristics that we all embody. The shadow is the part that wishes you could go machine gun all those guys who pound on buckets with drumsticks after Cubs games. Honestly...
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I’d Like To Figuratively Beat On A Woman For a Few Minutes. Please Indulge Me.
A few months ago, I was getting very little traffic to my site. I almost never updated it, and had sort of stopped writing. This makes no sense as writing is one of my favorite things to do. Plus, I’m kinda funny. So I finally decided to take this thing more seriously and write almost every day. This is not an easy task as I work a full–time job. I’d hustle home at 6pm and try...
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Pancho Dali Hangs In My Second Bathroom
Familiar with Salvador Dali? Sure you are. He’s the guy that painted all those trippy clocks. Salvador Dali also had a rocking mustache. Just thought I’d share a piece I bought in Santa Fe, strictly because it made me laugh as I entered the gallery. I’m a huge Salvador Dali fan. An artist took Salvador Dali and his mustache and swapped out an old photo of Pancho...
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Going On a Date Tonight… With Dad
I’ve lived in Chicago for over ten years and never been to The Goodman Theatre. I’ve seen a dozen or so Broadway performances when they make their way here, but have not visited the most well–respected performance company in the city. This is particularly strange for me as I’ve been to over fifty crappy Cubs games despite the fact that I don’t follow baseball and...
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I Played Dress Up For Fun
I wore a nice shirt and tie to work today. For the previous year I have been in nothing more upscale then my Lucky Brand jeans. In the summer I wear shorts and a polo shirt. Mostly this is because I bike to work every day, which leaves me completely soaked with perspiration by the time I enter the office. Since I shower in the morning, I don’t smell bad. I towel off the sweat in the...
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ThoughtsFromParis Now Has Business Cards! (Just Like Your Dad!)
I decided that since I’m scheduled to attend BlogWorld in Los Angeles in November, I should get some business cards to hand out. And even though business cards lost all practicality around 1997, it still seemed like the right thing to do. We all know that nobody really likes it when you force a business card at someone unwarranted. It’s a douche move, plain and simple. So, I bought...
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Getting Set Up On A Date By The Woman Who Introduced Me To My Wife Who Ended Up Divorcing Me
I have an acquaintance named Elizabeth. She’s not exactly a friend, because we never do anything together. This is of no fault of either of us. She has two kids and a husband. She’s also a highly accomplished veterinarian and runs her own practice. I like her very much, and she’s one of the sweetest people I have met. She’s also the person that introduced me to...
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DoubleBack – This Week in TFP – 9/12/11 – 9/18/11
In this past week, you got to see my on television, some holiday cards I have sent out, and how I wound up with 20 Kroger VHS tapes. Plus, I got a car so no more walking to the store like a chump. My Career As A Video and Photo Thief – Did I ever steal anything? Yes! My Holiday Cards Are Better Than Your Holiday Cards – Would you like to get on the list for this year? Too bad! ...
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Sitting Here In My Underwear At My Parents’ House In The Kitchen
I came down to Peoria this past Friday with my mom – see, she just bought a new car, and in an incredible act of generosity, is giving me her old car. So, we had to go to the DMV, do one of the title transfer things, order license plates, you know, car stuff. And I realized that for the last year, I have been without a car. When I was sixteen, my father passed down his Merkur XR4Ti,...
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Watch Me On TV – Like Right Now!
I was kind of bummed that there was not a makeup lady to assist me at my taping. As someone who’s not worn makeup – well, except for the spray tan my wife made me get before our wedding, it was always something that I found interesting. Would I be even more dashing with foundation? Would my eyebrows “pop”? Can they draw a beauty mark on my cheek? And what about rouge?...
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I Get Drunk On Not-Eating
A girl took me to lunch today. Actually, I paid, but it was her idea. In my profession, which is managing Chicago real estate agents, I am constantly recruiting. Many firms simply do a terrible job of supporting their realtors and leasing agents, and I am always reaching out asking if they would be interested to join our firm. I try to schedule one to two interviews a day, spending an hour with...
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DoubleBack – This Week in TFP – 9/5/11 – 9/11/11
Did you read every last word I wrote this past week? What? You didn’t? That’s hurtful, goddammit! I bet you didn’t miss Top Chef! Seriously, is that good? What is it, a bunch of cooks hanging around with their Ginzus? No offense, but watching people cook doesn’t interest me when I’m IN a restaurant. If the maître d’ came over during dinner and offered...
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I’m at My Fattest and Unfunniest – A Confession
When I was a newborn, I developed a double hernia at ten weeks and underwent emergency surgery. During the delivery my mother received a botched epidural, and the doctor accidentally struck her spine. She was in a coma for four weeks. During that time I was sent home with my father and two grandmothers. Within a few weeks they had started me on human food (bananas and such), which turned out...
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Sunday, I’m On TV! (For Five Minutes On NBC If You Live In Chicago)
Saturday and Sunday is the broadcast of my segment on the Weekends With Whitney television program, here on the Chicago NBC affiliate. The bad news – I’m at my fattest of all time. The good news – I talk about all about my pain and suffering through divorce. Wait, is that good news? But I had a lot of fun shooting it, and tried to speak honestly about learning to process anger...
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Santa Fe With Mom – In Photos – Part II
As you may have read in my last post, these reports are about my vacation here in Santa Fe with my mom. To recap my last entry, I had a super great time in Taos with a llama. It’s weird to have an animal who is near my height that will walk with you and carry your stuff. They’re even a little bashful – when they have to go to the bathroom, they leave the trail and go off...
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Santa Fe With Mom – In Photos – Part I
Since I’ve been so busy here in Santa Fe, I don’t really have time to write much. It’s been a constant intake of green chiles. They put chiles in everything, which, to me, is most appreciated. I’m a little bummed because I can’t think of one funny thing to write in this post. So, think of this article as the last season of Seinfeld – it just isn’t...
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DoubleBack – This Week in TFP – 8/28/11 – 9/4/11
I’m glad to say for the first time in the history of this website, I have completed my first full week of posts. My intention was always to publish something every few days, and I’m thankful that my readership keeps increasing. In fact, just yesterday Google had my blog ranked around position twelve for the search keywords “blog funny” and “funny blog.” Out of 560 million search...
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I Do Something Awful During Phone Calls – A Confession
We all know at least one person that is a “people pleaser.” This is someone that puts all other people’s needs in front of their own, often sacrificing their happiness. They have learned early on, “If everyone is happy, then I will be happy, too.” Except it generally doesn’t work. I’ve learned through a tremendous amount of my own experience that...
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Last Night I Slept Backward AND Diagonal
I have never been camping. I remember when I met the woman who would eventually become my wife (and subsequently my ex–wife), and she asked me about camping. I spent a good three minutes on goofing on camping basically suggesting if I want to sleep terribly, I would go back to house I lived in college called “Dazed Inn – The House Everyone is Toking About.” We even had a...
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My Editor Hurt My Feelings (Not Really)
Last night both my mom and sister were in town, and we went to dinner. There’s this really trendy new restaurant called Paris Club, and my mom had just been there and wanted to go again. What I found sort of funny is that there were three Paris’s at Paris Club. Okay, that’s really more cute that funny. What WAS funny is that it didn’t even occur to me that...
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The Right Side Of My Bed Smells Like Cat Pee
I wish that title hadn’t been written by me. I also wish it weren’t true. My cat, Pantaloons, is a really awesome pet. The day I brought her home from the shelter she didn’t show the slightest bit of fear approaching the dog. She’s never once hissed, and her favorite thing to do is sit on your chest and lick your nose. Every night the dog goes over and the cat...
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I Need A Wake–Up Call, Literally
I have come to a sad and shameful realization. For some reason over the past few weeks, for perhaps the first time in my life… I am not waking up on time. Here’s my routine. I arise at 6am, shower, and slip into a t–shirt and shorts. I jump on my bicycle, strap the dog to my back and ride downtown. Since I live in Chicago I am fortunate to ride along Lake Michigan...
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How I Would Improve Keeping Up With The Kardashians
Recently I have become friends with a producer over at E!, one of the six channels I regularly watch. I understand this is not something that will increase my masculinity cred, but screw it. I do love The Soup, and anything Joan Rivers does is genius in my book. It’s hard to watch E! on the weekends, because the programming is 98% Sex In The City reruns, which is one of those shows that...
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I Used To Be A Fake Rock Star – A Confession
I have something to share. Something vulnerable, embarrassing, and difficult. An issue of mine. Now, in a world of real problems like famine, AIDS, sex-trafficking, and Bieber-fever, this does not chart in the top, oh, I’m guessing 100,000 of actual situations that would qualify as an “issue.” When I was in fifth grade I listened to really awful pop music. Of course, back...
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Make 2011 The Year Of The Shower Glove
My friend, Susan Lee, is NOT Chinese. She’s actually a pale round-eye from Cincinnati with blonde hair who doesn’t know the difference between Mandarin and Cantonese. Despite how she actually has a southern-style American name, I have decided to continually poke fun of her for having a Chinese name. By the way, I have the absolute best idea for naming a Siamese cat –...
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New Year, New Strategy, New Stories – Same D.J.
I have taken an unusually long hiatus in updating this site. There are a few reasons for this, which I will touch on briefly… I started my own company, and also went to work for my friend’s company simultaneously. My wife sadly decided to end our marriage, and filed for divorce. I joined a band, and we play live twice a week. I ran out of good stories. Well, that last one...
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ThoughtsFromParis > 1100 Visits!
Just wanted to say a hearty and sincere thank you to all the readers of this little blog. We have passed the 1100 visit mark (which translates into around 300 individual readers). I am grateful you continue to visit the site whether you’re coming here directly, or subscribing through RSS or email. I have begun to explore some additional options to bring even more content to the site,...
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Alligators Are Not Suitable Babysitters (I’m Pretty Sure)
I had a dream a few nights ago where I was in charge of looking after a baby’s well-being. I don’t have any children currently, and have only physically held a baby a few times in my life. They’re nice and all, but, you know. They smell and stuff. Anyway, in this dream somebody gave me a baby to look after. So, then I was tasked with finding a sitter, so my wife and I...
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Thoughts From Paris is Live! (but not alive, like stuff that has carbon)
I am very excited to start this site, as it allows me a medium for all my stories and thoughts. I plan on publishing several times a week. The posts will be automatically posted to Twitter, Facebook, and RSS. If you’d like to get instantly notified, simply click on the bottom-right corner of the screen for the social media device of your choosing. I look forward to your feedback, and...
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