I Reviewed the Diva Cup on InThePowderRoom

Diva Cup Gross

Menstruation is both gross and offensive. It is, however, one of those unavoidable consequences that a male must endure if he so chooses to co-habitate with a female of breeding age. Sure, the lady also endures, I SUPPOSE, but they’re not …

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Behold the 2015 Thoughts From Paris Holiday Card

ugly holiday christmas sweater

Normally, I out a handful of holiday cards to readers. In previous years I’ve held contests to win these valueless (but sentimental) items. I’ve sent cards to Africa, Australia, and a bunch of other continents that I can’t recall …

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The Legend of Poodle Businessman

chihuahua godzilla

Last year for Halloween I dressed as a middle finger. And even though that amazing costume got big laughs, much like a woman invited to three weddings in the same year, I was determined not to wear the same outfit twice. I …

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I Got Stupid on Stupid Ass Questions

stupid ass questions dj paris

The fine people at StupidAssQuestions asked me to respond to stupid ass questions. I think they wanted me to choose just one from the bunch they sent, but I answered everything. They were so taken with my wit that they …

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Low Self-Esteem is Pretty Great, Actually!

Low Self Esteem

Nobody ever talks about the advantage of low self-esteem. The best part of thinking that you’re a piece of subhuman garbage is that you learn how to obtain validation from others. Sure, it’ll land you in therapy after twenty or …

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