Once again I had no trick or treaters.
Here in the city living in a condo I guess that’s the way it goes. Well, now that I think about it, there’s no way for someone to get in the building anyway. Oh yeah. Forgot about that. Hmm… One sentence in and now I have nothing to talk about.
Well, let’s keep going in real-time and see what happens.
On the way home from the subway I passed a number of kids with their parents trick or treating. Since gang violence is prevalent in Uptown, anything that resembles healthy family activity is a welcomed addition, if even for just one night.
I remember when candy was about the most important “get” in the world and how much Halloween meant to me.
We didn’t have a candy drawer in our house. Once in a blue moon someone would deposit a five-stick pack of Extra gum in a kitchen drawer. It was something but sugar-free gum doesn’t exactly get you high. I remember thinking that candy must only be for rich people because we didn’t have it just sitting around. I once saw a friend of mine put a Snickers in his mom’s cart at the checkout line and I couldn’t believe when he didn’t get backhanded. My mom didn’t hit me, but putting candy in the cart without asking would not have been well-received.
Candy was a treat. The same with soft drinks. Actually, I think we did always have Coke and Pepsi in our refrigerator But it was wasn’t something encouraged and wouldn’t have been allowed for dinner. We had a diet Crystal Light crap that you could drink all day long. To me that stuff tasted like chemicals. I stayed with water.
I was listening to Adam Carolla recently and he was suggesting that the most important quality that separated the friends of his that became successful the friends that did not had to do with immediate gratification. He said that your ability to put aside receiving short-term pleasure is critical to “making it.” He’s right, of course. Discipline and sacrifice win the game. Having the candy drawer open to you at all times required no motivation to do something to earn the candy drawer.
Halloween was one of the few times a year you received unlimited candy. You worked for it, too, getting dressed up and hanging out with your pals going house to house. In a way it was a reward for being a kid and putting in some hard work. Also, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t allowed to eat the candy until I got home. Another sacrifice.
I’ve decided that when I settle down and have kids, I’m going cool. Each year I will build a candy budget and give out full bars of candy to kids on Halloween. But, the twist is… I’m only giving out Mounds or Skor. So, I’m going big and terrible.
“Old man Paris is giving away the big bars!” they’ll cry in the streets! “Let’s egg that f**ker’s house!”
It will be the biggest letdown on a child’s candy route. When the kids get back to their Halloween parties it will be first traded. In theory it should hold a lot of value since it’s a $1.09 item. In reality it will get traded for a mini-KitKat to the someone who doesn’t understand yet how much those candy bars suck.
Or, here’s another funny move. Get a huge sack of M&Ms and then when trick or treaters come to the door, just dip your hand into the plastic pumpkin bowl and drop a handful of loose chocolates into each bag. Notice how the parents react to this. There will be confusion and mistrust. Loose, unwrapped candy is not a parent’s ideal for Halloween.
Anyway, that’s all I have tonight. I hope your kid’s pillowcase wasn’t stuffed with only Dum-Dum lollipops and those cheap off-brand jawbreakers. If so, then next year go over to the rich area of town. Your kids deserve it.
photo credit: memoflores via photopin cc
bluenotebacker says:
Halloween is one of the few times I actually like living in an apartment because I don’t have to deal with trick or treaters at my door. Of course I enjoyed it as a kid, but as an adult, the kids are (mostly) rude, they don’t have jokes, and only the youngest of them even bother wearing costumes. Bah Humbug
D.J. Paris says:
bluenotebacker I’m the same way. I wouldn’t mind having them knock on the door, but nobody ever has.
diapersorwine says:
OhMYword. This is glorious. And apparently, we had the same childhood. No candy. None. Only at the Grandparents house or Christmas. Along with a shiny tin cup, and a nickle. I was one of the Ingalls family.
D.J. Paris says:
diapersorwine That explains your unwieldy hair and love of running in meadows.
Mango1531 says:
aww man, I gave out dum dums to the kids on my street- in my defense I thought I was doing good- I really thought kids liked them- wahhhhh- I’m a terrible candy giver and didn’t even know it
DanaSeilhan says:
Mango1531 Kids like ’em when they’re not candy snobs. It helps to not give them candy every single day. Then they appreciate it when they do get it. Muahahahaha.(Dunno if you actually *do* give your kids candy daily. I’m saying this just in case. Sorry!)
D.J. Paris says:
DanaSeilhan Mango1531 Nobody like Dum-Dums. At least splurge and go with BlowPops. Still not great, but a step up.
D.J. Paris says:
Mango1531 This is why I’m here. Next year – full candy bars. Be cool.
BusyMomDotCom says:
Is it any better if you give out handfuls of dum-dums because you accidentally bought the big, crappy “mix” bag? jk We gave out the good stuff (chcolate) this year. When I was a kid, I’d get weird, orange and brown toffee candies that were way worse than dum-dums. And pennies. At least my kids didn’t get any of that…
BusyMomDotCom says:
Is it any better to give out handfuls of dum-dums cause I splurged on the big “mix” bag? jk We gave out the good stuff this year. When I was a kid I used to get weird brown or orange, gross-tasting, chewy toffee things. And pennies. At least my kids didn’t get any of that this year…
D.J. Paris says:
BusyMomDotCom I became angry when I read the word dum-dum because that candy is a disappointment to the candy world. But then you redeemed yourself. Great job!
about100percent says:
If one of my kids brought home a Skor, I’d demand to know where it came from and knock on the door myself, because Skor is where it’s at.
There’s a neighbor who commands singing, a joke, or a piano tune from each kid in exchange for a full-sized chocolate bar. Now that’s Halloween commitment.
D.J. Paris says:
about100percent Oooh, that’s great. I love that. Or, simply hold the candy above their heads and make them jump for it.
inthemomlight says:
Actually laughing out loud at multiple things here… egg that f***ers house & the handful of m&m’s etc. We used to run from house to house as fast as possible, had a routing plan to stop home and dump load #1 & go out for more. I think trick or treating was the first thing in my life that I was on time for & I stayed until the end… even in PA where we had to trick or treat in snow suits half the time.
Also, I think about the instant gratification thing a lot and kids in this generation… I mean they are growing up with OnDemand, DVR, iPads, etc. They can have, see, or do whatever htey want whenever they want most times. Will my children learn this delayed gratification?
D.J. Paris says:
inthemomlight I recommend hanging out with the Amish. Subscribe to their newsletters and read their literature. Their kids always turn out great.
KateHall says:
It’s even more of a nightmare when you throw a nut in the middle of that coconut crap and call it an Almond JOY.
D.J. Paris says:
KateHall YES. Almonds are amazing. Coconut is non-amazing.
Natalie the Singingfool says:
I always give the good stuff on Halloween, because I remember picking out the candy bars and just eating those. We would have tootsie rolls and cheap gum until Easter. Even as a kid, i had discerning taste.
D.J. Paris says:
Natalie the Singingfool YES. Tootsie Rolls are not satisfying. My mother loves them. She’s wrong to like these.
thebloggerincognito says:
I’m 27 but people always think I’m 23 or 24 so I’m all good.
D.J. Paris says:
thebloggerincognito This is because you say “like” way too much.
thebloggerincognito says:
tfpHumorBlog thebloggerincognito sad-but-true. but also I look young for my age despite my addiction to knitting in a rocking chair. really.
iexistthatisall says:
Sorry to poke a hole in your theory there, but I gave my daughter ALL the candy she THOUGHT she wanted. We had plastic grocery bags of it at her disposal at ALL times. It didn’t take her long to HATE candy. She maintained a straight “A” average all through school, and is extremely active in sports. In fact, she’ll be participating in the Tough Mudder in your neck of the woods next weekend. Oh yeah, and she’s a DEDICATED health freak! 😉