A funny thing happened to me today in therapy.
I arrived at the office prepared to talk (read: complain) about what’s going on in my life. I do this every Tuesday at 10:15am. I started in about something, probably how I’m too amazing even for myself, and how hard it is to just be me. You know, my problems.
All of a sudden I got this tightness in my chest. A pressure that started pushing from the inside. There’s a feeling attached to it, but I couldn’t quite place it.
Happy? Sad? Angry? Afraid? Shamed?
I had no idea.
So, I stopped whatever I was talking about (probably my hair), and told her about the feeling. For the record, traditionally I’m not one of these people that thinks everything means something. I don’t wear crystals, I’m not interested in the color of my aura (which is mauve by the way), and I have never felt “at one” with the universe.
Actually, one time I did feel at one with the universe, but it turned out to be a mushroom trip and those trees weren’t actually breathing. I was 19 and stupid.
As I start to explain what I thought was going on, she immediately commanded me to shut up.
I’m super-verbose. I’ll talk about anything for as long as I can. When I’m at home I constantly speak to my pets, or am on the phone with someone who will listen. Basically, I’m a spaz.
She knows that when I start to intellectualize or wax philosophic or try to explain things in any way, it moves me away from my feelings. Apparently feelings are where it’s at.
But I’m a dude. I’ve never felt much of anything in my life, and when I do I distract myself with things like television, internet, food, etc.
At her direction, I dove into the feeling and sat with it. With basically no talking for the rest of the session.
Maybe three sentences were uttered. Other than that, we just stared at each other.
Occasionally I would touch my chest to see if I could actually “feel” the sensation. I couldn’t. But it was there. It’s here now as I write.
What is it? No idea. After sitting in silence for forty minutes staring at my counselor, I was no closer to deciphering this message. It, however, felt totally normal and natural. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but I didn’t have any judgment about it.
One thought that did occur to me was, “I can’t believe I just shelled $120 to sit in silence.”
Since many of you are ladies (I love that word – so much better than “birds”), you probably sit with weird crap like this all the time. So, I’m one of you! With better hair.
Special bonus – this photo was taken of me this weekend while I slept. Note how it looks like I have lady parts in the middle of my chest.
wilyguy says:
Yeah, disturbing number 1… Someone took a picture of you while you slept and they left out the great hair! (I’m sure you get it all the time, but totally Jake Busey)
Number 2, $120 for silence, dude I’ll only charge you half of that to sit on the other end of the phone quietly, you’ll think I hung up I’m so quiet!
(hehe, I said “number 2”)
WG
http://itsmynd.com
JustinUllman says:
You are correct, you shrink stiffed you. Also, I’m dying to know how this picture was taken? And lastly, nice rack!
D.J. Paris says:
@JustinUllman Jessica The Reader (and now girlfriend) took it while I was snoring. Strange. Also, now it’s nice to know that not only do I have a chest vagina, but also man tats.
TeaUnsweetened says:
@tfpHumorBlog I’m way more intrigued by your response to this- namely the Jessica the Reader (now girlfriend) bit, than I am your tight feeling. I mean to say, was she a reader fan who was so awesome in comments or something that she became your girlfriend? I’m very nosy… and sorry if you’ve covered this, but in my defense I have memory loss due to brain damage, and I’m also bad at remembering things.
I also mean to say I hope your tight feeling is just a feeling and not a sign of some sort of illness, but I got distracted, which is ridiculously easy for me to do.
D.J. Paris says:
@TeaUnsweetened Oh, no! Sorry about the brain damage! Check out my story (on the best of on the right) about Thanksgiving stuff. It explains the full deal. Also, I love that you’ve become a great reader. I bow to you!
JPenn says:
Agreed. Next time, come down to my couch. Only $100. Probably more comfy. And I promise not to talk.
D.J. Paris says:
@JPenn Yes, but do you have tissues for when I start crying uncontrollably? Why wouldn’t Daddy love me?!!!
nulsenjb says:
Your dog looks deeply satisfied. Kudos!
D.J. Paris says:
@nulsenjb It’s a tough life eating, pooping, and sleeping. And also, it’s a nice life for the dog. (see what I did there?)
YoungmanBrown says:
Yea, she definitely got ya this session 🙂
Just joking. I am reading one of Deepak Chopra’s books and he says the best thing to do is devote time each day for silence. It is something that is really hard for me to do, because I feel like I am wasting time… but that is kinda the point.
Also, I am pretty sure your dog is awesome.
D.J. Paris says:
@YoungmanBrown I just have too many distractions and things to do – I need to set a few minutes aside each day for this too.
MissBalders says:
Ok, I know all about the ‘tightness in the chest’ thing.. all too well. It could be a number of things.
Physiological: Heart burn, heart attack (sorry for morbidity), stress causing muscles to contract (what I get), or some other weird and exotic condition.
Emotional: Something known as psychosomatic- if you find it difficult to tune into your emotions, then they’ll build up inside of you desperate for acknowledgment and escape, displaying themselves in the way of a physical symptom. It could be a sign that you are bottling too much up and not showing your emotions enough. Find someone who will listen to what you have to say and then analyse it for you; after all, you’re not going there for a who- can- stay- silent- the- longest competition are you!
Adorability overload with the dog picture. I wish I had something cuddly and fury to cuddle up to!
Good luck.
D.J. Paris says:
@MissBalders You’ve thought WAY more about this that I have. Thanks for your insights. Also, thanks for reading. I hope you’re not a bald chick, because bald chicks are gross.
MissBalders says:
@delfinparis Mwahahaha, no I’m not bald, my last name is Baldwin and my nick name is Miss Balders.
And no worries re my “insights”, I’m quite used to talking about such subjects!
D.J. Paris says:
@MissBalders Explain! Do you give insights professionally? Meaning, are you a bartender?
mycrazyl says:
@tfpHumorBlog what happened
D.J. Paris says:
@mycrazyl Ha – I don’t remember anything I write. I think that was the time my therapist and I danced the jitterbug while I recounted abuse.
modmomelleroy says:
@tfpHumorBlog I miss those funny therapy days.seems we’d just get saturated & before we knew it.came the time we’d have to say time’s up.
D.J. Paris says:
@modmomelleroy Yes, they teach that in Psychology school to get you come back. At $140 an hour, it makes sense!
Natalie the Singingfool says:
Mauve, huh?
D.J. Paris says:
@Natalie the Singingfool Whatever the color is that touches a woman’s soul and melts off their panties. I think that’s mauve.
D.J. Paris says:
Yeah, disturbing number 1… Someone took a picture of you while you slept and they left out the great hair! (I’m sure you get it all the time, but totally Jake Busey)
Number 2, $120 for silence, dude I’ll only charge you half of that to sit on the other end of the phone quietly, you’ll think I hung up I’m so quiet!
(hehe, I said “number 2”)
WG
http://itsmynd.com
D.J. Paris says:
Yeah, disturbing number 1… Someone took a picture of you while you slept and they left out the great hair! (I’m sure you get it all the time, but totally Jake Busey)
Number 2, $120 for silence, dude I’ll only charge you half of that to sit on the other end of the phone quietly, you’ll think I hung up I’m so quiet!
(hehe, I said “number 2”)
WG
http://itsmynd.com