None of You Have Gone Nuts

My friend Mary C (not an alcoholic, I just like calling people in that format so that others  think they’re alcoholics) asked me this question today.

Have any of your readers become weird and obsessive?

I laughed because my self-esteem is not that high.  The thought that somebody would be so fascinated by me that they decided to cross boundaries is absurd.  I mean, I suppose it could happen.  But it hasn’t.  And I’m guessing probably won’t.

She then added, “You’re a big deal!”  Mary C obviously knows nothing about the cache of being a self-reflexive humor blogger and the fame and money that come with it.

But then I did think about it.  True, I’m not exactly a household name, and most people who visit my website for the first time think it’s about douchey French people.

Regardless, I have hundreds of people that come here every day, many of who visit regularly.  I even get some funky fan email now and then.  Great stalker possibilities!  One, most famously, wrote about how she read everything I ever had written in an eight hour stint.  Surely she would send me a lock of her v hair in a Priority envelope!

Actually, I never heard from her again. Which means she either up and died (great expression), or moved on to another blogger.

Once we had a little war going on in the comments where some woman was making semi-inappropriate flirting jokes to me while she was married and her husband was overseas fighting.  I never thought the woman  meant  anything by it other than just cracking jokes, but a few of my other readers starting taking her to task (another great expression).  She left and never returned.

Now, lots of Catholic comedians do a version of a lame bit where they say, “Nope – never got molested.  What, I was too ugly for the priests?”

I’m not going to do that here with you.  My  suspicion  is that most of you are not nuts.  You’re just normal men and women who like to read blogs.  Or at least this blog.

And if you do want to go nuts, do it in the way where you never send me anything other than really awesome gift cards.  Like to that high end kitchen retail place so I can get a new stainless-steel mixer.  The ex-wife took the one we had.  I’d never use it, but we all need one on the  counter-top  to look cool.