Every year I do exactly one charitable thing.
On May 5th I’ll be walking (I think it’s two miles) with my dog, Lil’ Miss Meepers, and a few thousand other dogs and owners for Anti-Cruelty. It’s called Bark in the Park, and it goes to support the largest no-kill animal shelter in Illinois.
Look, I don’t care if you beat dogs personally, buy them from puppy mills, or train them to fight in cement pits. Your business is your business. I ain’t wearing white on my wedding day either, understand?
But for dogs that are abandoned or rescued, yeah, they deserve a chance. Anti-Cruelty is great. My ex-wife did her externship there after she graduated vet school. They rock.
I don’t ask you foolios for much, but throw a few bucks their way. I’ll even sweeten the pot.
Whoever donates the most money will get to have a one-on-one, heart-to-heart video call with me via Skype. Oh yeah. Take that in. Feel the power of that. Hopefully it wasn’t just indigestion.
We’ll gab like the ladies in the steno pool. Complain about your boss, kids, or the clerk at the local liquor store who silently judges your weekly three handles of Dewar’s. Heck, it’s your call.
If you’re uncomfortable with the video thing, I’ll do the video part and you can just be on audio. That will be incredibly awkward, but that’s what I’m willing to do to save some dogs!
And if you don’t want to do a call, I’ll write you a letter. Yep, a solid six to eight sentences about how awesome you are. Tape it up in the bathroom mirror next to your Oprah gratitude list. Or burn it in a ritual sacrifice. I don’t care.
So, to recap – whoever gives the most bread will get a call or a letter from me. Plus, just donating will help you resolve some dharma and set up some solid karma for the next life.
I really appreciate anything you can give. Click below.
wilyguy says:
I donated, despite the threat to make me look at you, likely while in your tub eating cake…
D.J. Paris says:
@wilyguy Thanks from months ago! Sorry.
Katjaneway says:
Awkward with the video/audio thing? Nah. For one thing, I’d hate to show my ugly mug to anyone via video. And for another, I don’t think I’m the only one that doesn’t own a webcam. (Wait, u tellin me I don’t own a laptop, but have a… *gasp* desktop computer?! The horror!)
Also, I don’t wanna be all preachy, but you honestly don’t care if someone beats up their dog? From the way I see how much you love yours, to the fact at how appalled you were that you almost punched your cat, I’m quite surprised and slightly angered. Dogs have no say, just like small children. Just because they can’t speak up at their own injustice doesn’t mean it should be ignored – or that it’s okay to do it because you own them and it’s behind closed doors.
Okay, off soapbox…
CrazyTragicAlmostMagic says:
@Katjaneway I don’t own a laptop either… or have webcam. I also agree about the dogs. I DO care if someone beats their dog, or is making them fight. Just as you said it’s not ok just because it’s someone else’s business.
D.J. Paris says:
@Katjaneway I was joking. I mean, I care, but it’s not like I know anyone who beats their pet. So, it’s a safe thing to say.
Gwennie says:
What do you feed your dog? She is miserable.
D.J. Paris says:
@Gwennie She’ll eat whatever I throw at her after the beatings.
Angie365 says:
That is a very wonderful thing your doing. I like that! regarding how you feel, in putting here-I’m pretty sure you kept it unbiased in the black and white. Why? Well, you are far from stupid and I doubt you like animal abuse at all. Either way, I am a new fan and probably will read more than I post! Cheers 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
@Angie365 Oh no, I’m totally biased about blacks. Wait – that’s not what meant, is it? Strike my first comment from the record.
HillyG says:
Congratulations – you made your $300 commitment! Thanks for walking for Anti-Cruelty!!
D.J. Paris says:
@HillyG So, I’m assuming you run Anti-Cruelty? Wow, I’m famous!