About once a week I catch a glimpse of myself as I exit the shower stall. One whole wall of my bathroom is mirror. I do my very best to avoid looking at my naked bodice. I know you do, too.
I was thinking about the meaning of life the other day. Heady shit, no? Yes! One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Richard Sutphen, has taught that the secret of life is to let go of fear and express unconditional love. Robert Augstus Masters would most likely say that it’s the courage to explore your pain by jumping in the deep end. Both great.
But mine is much simpler – to be able to see myself naked without shame.
Now, I’m probably coming off like a dick as I’m not really overweight. But that’s not the point. Being born with a very forgiving metabolism is not the worst thing. But I’ve only had a decent physique once in my life and that was after exercising six days a week and counting calories over six months. I looked pretty good!
Thankfully I don’t have a thyroid condition or other genetic or physical illness that would hinder body sculpting.
And, I don’t need to be at 7% bodyfat with washboard abs. First, I’d have to start shaving my chest. I clean it up a little now with the electric razor, but it’s still a mess. For a blonde guy, I’m hairy. Second, I feel like I’d have to show my 6-8 pack to a few people. And that’s beyond uncool.
I have no need for big traps or huge calves. I just want to look in the mirror and not feel bad.
Truth be told, I actually don’t always feel bad when I see myself naked. I’m actually happy with how I look on most of my body. It’s seeing the beginning of a stomach that really bugs me. I’d like to avoid the big stomach thing as men get into their late 30s. That is what’s depressing.
So, how does one get comfortable with imperfection? Imperfection that is caused by not taking action (getting to gym, eating right, etc.)? I’m okay with imperfection if it’s just something I’m born with, like allergies. But when it’s imperfection at my own hand, that’s hard.
How can I learn to be OKAY in the middle of “not where I want to be?”
This is the secret to my life for now.
Oh, and if you’re one of those bozos who is currently happy with your naked body, I’m very happy for you and I hope an avalanche covers your village tonight.
Katjaneway says:
Happiness for the outside comes from within. You know how people see themselves as fat because they used to be, but no longer are? Sometimes they would even treat themselves as if they’re still overweight. In fact, I have a very strong feeling that I will be one of those people. When I’m finally done losing all my weight, it will be the first time in my life I have EVER seen myself skinny. Hell, I’m already skinnier than I’ve ever been. (not including going up, of course). But it’s hard to look myself in the mirror and like what I see. All I see are my flaws, and that has to do with how we’ve viewed ourselves in the past. How we’ve been treated. How we’ve grown up. I plan on going to my 10yr HS reunion this July and whoopin ass. I was about 250 lbs back then. I’m 185 now and still shrinking. I am going to show off to all those bastards that made fun of me in HS. Anyway, I’m getting off subject (can you tell I’m bitter?). My point being, is if you’re unhappy with how you look, you may never BE happy until you fix it on the inside.
Oh, and, I must apologize in advance, but if you’ve ever seen Donnie Darko, your love and fear thing is totally like Patrick Swayze. Just sayin’.
Sonja Rois says:
When I was younger, about 14 (and 50 lbs heavier) I forced myself to sit in front of a mirror and look into it for about 30 minutes without looking away. I did this,every day for about a month. It was the most uncomfortable half hour of every day. The thing is, I had no problems with the way I looked. Even now I’m fine with how I look. But like Katjaneway said, I was a mess on the inside. I was verbally abused (No one told me I was ugly. It was way worse than that) as well as sexually abused. I was so broken I could not look at me. For a while I actually blamed the fact that I was good looking and had curves on the things that were happening to me. Sitting in front of it every day, like I did, actually helped. It made me realize the problem was on the inside. I still have problems looking into a mirror, but for a different reason. Now I don’t feel like I need a mirror. I look in the mirror when I need to do my hair or make-up, but beyond that I don’t care about it. As far as I’m concerned, what’s in the mirror isn’t what’s important. What is inside me is important. And if I leave the house and I don’t realize I’m having a bad hair day, well that’s just too bad for everyone else because I don’t want to associate with ppl who would judge me by the way I look. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I leave a hot mess and that looks don’t matter. But that stuff only matter to me what I think about it, not what others do.) Today, I love myself! I am a good person who has proved all the things that were said to me wrong. I have over come my emotional and physical abuse and powered on. I have actually turned those things around and used them to build myself up and teach myself how to be a better person. And I am happy with me.
Sorry, didn’t mean to write a book in your comments. I was actually just talking to the boyfriend about this earlier today (tues) so all the points to make are still fresh in my mind. I actually was just gonna tell you that maybe forcing yourself to look in the mirror for a certain amount of time might help. LOL
Zenith says:
Deep dude … I love it!!! So true … Imperfection at your own hand is hard to take … There in the challenge!
Regards. Zenith
IntricateKnot says:
So flipping true it almost hurts. Laughter, pain they’re nearly the same freaking thing.
I feel the same way (damn it). It would almost be worth it to have an avalanche cover my village tonight just to be happy with my naked body. Excellent post!
Carpedeim36 says:
I’ve thought about purchasing a fun house mirror, that way I always have a different perspective on how I look.
TammyL says:
My internal view of myself is that of my body when I was a competitive dancer. That is still how I imagine I look. Since I typically get ready without my glasses on, the natural soft focus allows my delusions to continue. It is a good thing!
NotanlyNeurotic says:
I’ve lost 20 pounds over the past year and a half and even though I look different and see pictures of myself and KNOW that I’m skinny, I don’t dare look at my body after a shower or … anytime, really. I don’t trust that I won’t look in the mirror and just see that I’m still overweight or see all the areas that still “need improvement”. I’m so critical of my body that I don’t know if I will ever be fully happy with it or ever feel good enough to run around my house naked.
Gwennie says:
Still kicking myself for not buying this $7 broken down, banged up, mangled-frame full-length mirror I walked past at a garage sale maybe 9 months ago which made me look SVELTE. I shit you not, I had like 30 people at the sale all looking at their super slim-looking legs & bodies (it was not tilted — it just was a skinny mirror!) and ooooohhhhing and aaaaaahhhhing because they. looked. HOT!
Might be one of the few times of late that I looked in the mirror & thought, “DAMN, I LOOK HOT!” and fully bought in/meant it. I sometimes still say that (even often, actually) — but then I get that whole phenomenon where I am feeling good about myself, someone snaps a pic, I pose it up because I’m feelin’ smokin’, and then I see the pic & think, “WTF????? I am never wearing that shirt/pair of jorts/dress/etc. again for as long as I live. DAMN these thighs/belly/double chin/etc.!!!!!!!!”
Fuckin’ BLOWS! I do think the key is trying to love it all ANYWAY. That perhaps focusing on the negatives draws more of the same to you. Working on that — and also on recreating the skinny mirror in reality. I don’t have much to lose, but it’s just SO EASY to focus on the parts of my body I want to change! Wish I could just 100% fully LOVE IT NOW.
Great, introspective post!
arminiemi says:
Interesting! This post reminded me of one Oprah LifeClass video I watched online. In it she said everyone should start their morning by looking at the mirror and saying to ourselves: “I love you, cutie pie!”
ToscaSac says:
I wrote a post about this just last week. Both how to avoid heading in a body weight direction you do not want to go and honoring and loving the body you have right now no matter what.
I love myself…fresh out of the shower in the mirror. Maybe it is easier to be a woman. I have never thought I needed wash board abs.
I cannot even see 5-10lbs of extra weight I am carrying. Instead I am wearing it well from chest to booty cause I only notice when I try to button my pants or step on the scale.
In the mirror there are the usual imperfections mostly skin cosmetic issues. I have weighed those against all the rest I have to offer inside and out. Winning. lol
It is mind over matter. I was never a super model. Now that grey hairs are sprouting and I am alone I had better have positive self talk or bitterness will add to all the things I dislike that can be seen. Then how much fun would I be to hang around?
BethKaufman3 says:
@jlweinberg I love the way I look. lol You?
mshawtmess says:
@jlweinberg @tfpHumorBlog my mirror’s are broken ;-/
D.J. Paris says:
@mshawtmess @jlweinberg if I read this correctly, this may be the saddest tweet ever written.