I Wrote What YOU Told Me – Part V

Once again, I have nothing today. So, I turned it over, like the boozehounds in AA, to a higher power. You.

• RichardMHowes  – Never surrender.

100% disagree. Surrender is power. Now, I don’t think you should surrender all the time. Like fighting wars and dealing with bullies. But admitting defeat can be liberating. I own that I am terrible at cleaning my toilets. I surrender to the filth that is in there and resurfaces every six days. I surrender to the cleaning lady I’m going to hire to fix that issue for me. I also surrender to the song  Surrender  by Cheap Trick. It’s boss.

• GeekGalGroks  –  Write about the weirdest meal you ate.

I almost had horse in Tahiti. Just for a goof. At the time my ex-wife and I owned a horse, too. But I ultimately couldn’t do it. It just looked gross. Other than that, the Vietnamese area of town is just a few blocks north of me, and those jerks put tripe in everything. That’s weird, and vomit inducing.

• essomenic  –  What about the beauty of being human — imperfect, stumbling, but ever-learning? Or tacos. Everyone loves tacos.  

This is basically all I write about. Every post is about my imperfection, hair aside. But I will say this about stumbling. Nothing is funnier than watching a woman stumble in high heels. When they actually spill walking in front of a restaurant when you’re seating near the plate glass storefront window, well sister, that is just perfect awesomeness. I watched a video of Tara Reid and a friend drunkenly fall over a parked motorcycle last night three times in a row. I couldn’t stop giggling.

• MLE614  –  write about why there is Braille on drivetru ATMs

This old joke. First of all, is it so crazy to think that there’s Braille on ATMs? Remember, sometimes the caretakers of blind people let them out of the house for some free range time. It’s good for them, you know? The wander about and bump into brand new things. By the way, this reminds me of my all-time favorite joke.

Why do farts smell?

So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

• NotMattTeska  –  Write about writer’s block. Or write a purposefully terrible short story.

Writer’s block is actually great as it stretches the improv muscles. Short Story – I met a girl at the disco name Fran. We drank gin fizzies and she taught me The Hustle. Later that evening I waited until Fran was asleep before slipping out the back stairwell. Two years passed and I saw Fran at the supermarket. A little boy was dangling his legs through the cart as she examined produce. “I named him after you,” Fran said. I looked down at the floor avoiding eye contact with the boy. “So – what aisle is the nutmeg in?” Fran said seven. I hopped in my Tercel and started a new life in Tijuana. — Fin –

Thank you for helping me through this non-event of a day. You ladies and gentlemen rock!