I Wrote What YOU Told Me – Part I

Tonight I asked you to come up with a post topic for my blog.  I always forget that more than one person might reply.  It’s a low self-esteem thing.  Anyway, out of respect to all who responded, I’m going to try to write about EVERY single suggested topic.

This will not be easy, by the way.

Ahem…

• @rubyaiadeluca  –  chewing ice…?

Ice is the dessert of water.  I don’t understand people that choose not to chew ice.  And also, let’s agree that the crushed ice is the only way to go.  People who would rather chew on long cubes than crushed ice are psychos.  Let’s face it – you can break a molar in half on a cube.  The main decision with ice is when to go at it.  Do you wait for the drink to be finished or during sips?  I hit the ice after the glass is empty, because, like I said earlier, it’s dessert.

• @atheistconfiden  Unicorns and the Craigslist Killer. Go.

Unicorns are like reindeer. I have to think for a second because I always forget if they’re real. They’re not, by the way. Maybe reindeer are, actually. Either way you’ve never seen one live. I love the idea that unicorns can only be captured by virgins. So that excludes you guys.

What I found most odd about the Craigslist killer was that his whole  shtick was robbing hookers. If you’re going to be a thief, why not aim higher like the Hope diamond? Go big or go home. Also, don’t kill hookers. It’s untoward.

• @Yogitastic  You can write about how utterly useless complaining to UPS is. No? Yeah, it’s not funny.

It IS useless complaining. Only half the time they leave a note if you’re gone, and even when you sign the back (I even put an arrow pointing) it never seems to work. But those uniforms are goddamned hilarious. Brown shorts, hat, and button-down. It’s like your mom dressing you for second grade. Plus, I don’t really want to see your pasty legs, delivery guy. I have my own to gross me out.

• @Samhaeyn  How any sammich compared to Subway is superior……go.

I’m with you, but three things. First, a little known fact is that Subway has spinach. But they keep it out of sight probably because it’s 7x more expensive than that iceberg lettuce they unload on you. Also, is it really necessary to swap gloves every sandwich? Are we that freaked out about someone’s meatball slider prepared twenty seconds earlier? Lastly, you’re not a “sandwich artist” if you’re making the same seven subs all day. How artistic can you be? I suppose you could sign the sub with your name in mayonnaise. That’s artistic.

• @kianwii  your first kiss  

…was with a girl named Maggie when I was sixteen. Yes, I was not exactly a ladies’ man as a teenager. Also, my sister was passed out on the couch next to her (it was her friend). We made out for awhile. It was awesome. I hope my sister didn’t wake up. Also hope she isn’t reading this.

• @joyandwoe  High school reunions: exactly how bullshitty are they?

I actually am the guy that plans our high school reunions. I was never on student govt or any of that crap. Literally nobody else will plan it. But ours are awesome. Here’s why. For our fifteen, I did it all on Facebook. I made a survey where the class got to say what weekend they wanted, what type of venue, if there should be food, who’s paying for drinks, etc. Everyone had input and it ended up being at a bar with a few apps, we were all in jeans, no nametags, a $10 cover to pay for the apps, and each paid for their own booze. It was fun.  Those $100 sit down dinners with formal wear I’m convinced nobody wants.

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Okay, round one is done.  I have many more to go, so be patient if yours hasn’t been done yet.  Here’s a photo of a cat chewing on something.

photo credit:  tuija2005  via  photo pin  cc