The title is pretty clear, yes?
Yesterday I didn’t really eat much other than yogurt, cereal, and protein drink. That’s not enough calories to get you healthfully through two ten mile bike rides to and from work. Since I often forget to eat during the day, I come home exhausted, sweaty, and famished.
As I realized I hadn’t planned dinner, I took to my freezer. After milling through five bags of mixed vegetables that will be consumed by 2014, I saw the bottom and realized there was no chicken.
I had plenty of deli sliced turkey, but sandwiches are for lunch, and I’m not a savage. I still cringe when I hear a grownup talking about how they eat cereal for dinner. I judge that.
Living in Chicago we have unarguably the finest pizza this side of Sicily. Lou Malnati’s is the best of the bunch, and for those who say otherwise I will fight you in the street until the police arrive. Then I’ll go beat up your first cousin because he probably thinks the same way you do.
Since I was tired and woozy I decided to order dinner. Even though I have a car, it has a cover on it and I have to tell on myself and reveal that sometimes I decide it’s too much effort to spend the forty-five seconds taking it off. This was one of those nights.
I checked the computer for a take-out option. I am not in any way above Chinese food, but I have never found a Chinese delivery restaurant that wasn’t disappointing. I’m 0/27 in good Chinese delivery. So that was out.
Delivery Mexican is just plain weird. To have some teenager deliver me a cold burrito didn’t appeal to me. Takeout sushi is a gamble and I wasn’t in the mood for Indian or Thai.
By the way Thai always trumps Chinese. If you’re Chinese, stop pretending you don’t think the same.
That leaves pizza. With all the great options Chicago has for pizza, why did I opt for Domino’s?
Coupons.
I love feeling like I’m making a sound financial purchase. Coupons do this for me. I found a coupon for Domino’s where I saved a whole three bucks. Move out of the way world, Delfin is coming through! I can’t be the only one at the supermarket who waits until the last purchase before scanning the savings card, just so I can see the total bill go down by $30. It feels like I just won life.
Because I was saving a bunch of green on this pizza order, I paid no attention to my stomach which reminded me that there were options that would actually taste better. Sure it might be an extra $10, but can you put a price on deliciousness?
Actually, yes. Perfect example – lobster is my favorite food, yet I eat it maybe once a year. Why? I’m too cheap to shell out $75 for myself at a restaurant. I feel like I’m not quite worthy of lobster purchase. I do buy the big shrimp when they’re on sale at the grocery and pretend that it’s lobster. It actually is pretty damned close.
So that’s how I find myself tonight eating leftover Domino’s. To be honest, I do sort of like it. I would never disclose it to my Chicago friends, and I hope they all hate me enough not to read this post. Alas, they don’t hate me, because I’m too great a guy. I’m going to have to go do something to invoke their ire – like bang their sisters.
Great – now I have to go and bang all my friends’ sisters.
photo credit: dead video kid via photo pin cc
EdmundCharlesDavis-Quinn says:
Sometimes a good run does a lot of good centering you.
All Balls Itch says:
That kinda sounds like a frat boy trying to get laid. “Hey, baby, I have too much energy. You know how you can help me out?”
Mccade says:
What a pluaesre to meet someone who thinks so clearly
MsSassAfrass says:
I know of a GREAT way to work off all that extra energy 🙂 muhahahahahahahahah
JuliPeterson says:
Same way. Yoga will have the same effect, I am the same angry nut job without a good hot yoga sessions 4-5 times a week, and a run on the days I don’t. Meditation is quite a challenge though… tried doing it for a few months and couldn’t, and then just was angry at this reaffirmation of my rampant ADHD. Try guided meditations on YouTube if you must.
redbone210 says:
JuliPeterson Am I the only idiot who didn’t know that there were guided meditations on You Tube? I’m going home and doing one tonight!
JuliPeterson says:
redbone210 Probably not… there’s some creepy sounding ones, and some weird ones, but I try to find the ones that are 10 minutes long. Hope you found one!
TRfromRL says:
JuliPeterson If I don’t workout I project my guilt onto everybody else….like it’s their fault I’m not working out. When I start acting up, everybody knows I gotta do something, like run or yoga or something. Just about any physical activity, then I’m good as new.
Craziness Abounds says:
You’re totally a shit head! haha However we must be masochist as we keep coming back. My sons like you so I get it. I bought him a punching bag that hangs in our house and he goes to down on it till he’s exhausted.. Oh and a treadmill. Be nice to your girlfriend. She’s a damn good sport dating you. 🙂
Jammum says:
I rememeber those days when if I didn’t go for a walk I would feel tense and go nuts but that was back in the days when I had a full house with every man and his dog living here………….
Tread_Reviews says:
Good luck with your accursedness! 🙂
runfoodbeer says:
Honestly I thought that I was the only one that did the foot tapping/talking too fast/being a general douche bag thing. Now I don’t feel so alone. 😉
daprinz13 says:
LMAO lovely profile…would pay a penny to have a similar blog. lol
inthemomlight says:
You can also order Dominos online, which is a plus for lazy people. PS – When I need to go to my happy place, I just google “dogs in hats.” I have never done “dogs in lobster apparel,” and I think that means you just made my day.
D.J. Paris says:
inthemomlight Well, today you’re at the beach (Kellers and I are friends) and none of us feel sad for you needing to go to a happy place. Also, according to your blue avatar, you’re still fat after the pregnancy. We’re you hiding it when we met? I don’t remember fat-Kelly.
inthemomlight says:
tfpHumorBlog It’s true… I still have 10lbs to lose and most of it is around the middle, but I’m coming up on my 1 year anniversary of not working out so I don’t want to spoil it by losing anything… oh and I live by the beach, which is actually much less enjoyable than just going to the beach on vacay. Today was my first venture in awhile… I survived.
ViolaFury says:
We actually found a Domino’s that will dicker with us over the price. The driver, who’s name is Betsy or Sue, or Betsy-Sue is a stitch. She always comes rolling up, with her tats and earrings. She forgets the sauces from time to time. I’m pizzaed out right now. Tampa doesn’t leave many options.
D.J. Paris says:
ViolaFury Ooh. Tampa. Yeah. Hmm… Well, I guess you have Ybor city, but, uh… Yeah. Tampa.
ViolaFury says:
tfpHumorBlog Oops, yeah, I forgot about Ybor, but since I live in the ‘hood and don’t drive, ’tis a perilous journey. The bus goes there, I think. I dunno.
Lil says:
Around these parts – Denver (Ugh… let’s not go there) – pizza discounts are a plenty when area teams are chalking up wins…. seems it was the Rockies this week. So, of course there was pizza at our house too (regardless of fact that we are not fans of any teams).
D.J. Paris says:
@Lil Denver’s one of those weird towns where the weather is perfect, you have skiing and tons of outdoor stuff, and lots of weirdos. But you never hear about the food. Well, except the omelette. They created the best omelette.
Natalie the Singingfool says:
Wow, you’re a big man for admitting that
D.J. Paris says:
Natalie the Singingfool Thank you. Sharing what’s embarrassing is what this blog’s also about. (Note – I peed in the kitchen sink last night)
CrazedKitchen says:
Shame on you. You can eat Lou Malnati’s whenever you want and you choose
Dominos? Some of us have to order Lou’s to be delivered on dry ice by
Fed Ex over 2,000 miles for almost that many dollars. And we do it,
because it’s WORTH IT. You owe me a Lou Malnati’s pizza. I’ll settle for
Gullivers, if necessary. In the meantime, stop it. Just stop.
D.J. Paris says:
CrazedKitchen Gullivers? There really isn’t one in the city, however, there is one in Glenview where I lived briefly as a child. Nobody talks about Gullivers here. That’s suburb dreck. 🙂
CrazedKitchen says:
tfpHumorBlog The only Gullivers I ever knew of was on Howard. Definitely not in Glenview. I’m told there’s one in the Loop now, but I’ve never been there. (I grew up in Evanston, so we didn’t make it out to Glenview very often, so I could be wrong.) And I lived in Chicago most of my life and EVERYONE knew about Gullivers. Maybe it’s a north-side thing. They didn’t deliver very far out. Anyway, I’ll settle for a Lou’s pizza if Gullivers isn’t your style. Absolutely no problem.
CrazedKitchen says:
Ok, got my google on and yes, there has been a location in Glenview for the past 2 years but it just closed. Too bad for Glenview. And no ;mention of a loop location, so apparently I’m just full of shit today. Kinda like every other day. Oh well…
D.J. Paris says:
CrazedKitchen You’ll appreciate this. Just because I never did, I found the “best” Harold’s Chicken Shack in the city (down on 75th) and drove there to pick up a bucket because I have never had proper fried chicken. Going to write about it tonight.
feelingbeachie says:
I have never had dominos!
D.J. Paris says:
feelingbeachie You are right not to. Pat yourself on the back.
sbattey says:
I’m not a fan of dominos.. When it comes to cheap terrible pizza, I go for the cheapest and most terrible every time: Little Caesars.
D.J. Paris says:
sbattey Wow – your self-esteem is even lower than mine. C’mon, you’re better than this. 🙂
Aleksandra says:
In my city, there is no possibility for such food item. I like to prepare myself for my children. I love it.
D.J. Paris says:
@Aleksandra You live in a city without pizza? Explain yourself!
Katjaneway says:
I really like Papa Johns. I think they’re a bit more expensive, but it just has the right flavor to hit the spot. The crust is great, and their sauce…. yum. Now it’s time for me to dump these two pounds I just gained… *pizza is evil*
D.J. Paris says:
Katjaneway Yeah – Papa John’s is the best of the chain pizzas. When we grew up in Peoria, all we had were Little Caesars. Ugh.
Katjaneway says:
tfpHumorBlog ewww Little Cheezers. The one in Kmart finally died. The one by our apartment just moved down a couple of blocks. They’re still kickin’.
Shannon Bradley Colleary says:
Who cares about Dominoes — I’m going to read about your dad’s dick.
D.J. Paris says:
@Shannon Bradley Colleary Shocker, coming from you.
MarieLoerzel says:
Dominoes was the only place that delivered when we lived in Morocco. And the guy came on a bike and the pizza sucked even worse than it does in the states. Really wish I thought to take a picture of the delivery guy before we moved back to the land of really fast crappy food delivered in really fast crappy cars.
D.J. Paris says:
MarieLoerzel A bike Dominos delivery guy is worth the price of admission. But only if you took pictures of him so we could laugh. Bummer you didn’t
D.J. Paris says:
daprinz13 I’ve paid many a penny on this blog. Ha. It’s worth it!
D.J. Paris says:
runfoodbeer Wait a goddamned minute, sister! I never claimed to be a douche-bag. That’s all you. I claim greatness!
D.J. Paris says:
Tread_Reviews Had to Google that word. Still unclear what you mean. I’m cursed with great hair, this is true.
D.J. Paris says:
Jammum This comment was full of vague that I have many questions about. Please explain what sort of craziness you used to live in.
Banana Stickers says:
Thai food is my all time favorite. It’s the only cuisine that doesn’t put me in a shame coma when I’ve eaten over half the entree in all of it’s delicious, Thai Hot goodness. A tiny, adorable creature wouldn’t stand a chance if they were wearing a chili pepper costume in my presence. Though, the above picture just reminded me that I have never had lobster (which is a shitty thing to say since I’m an east coast native). I should fix that one day.
D.J. Paris says:
Banana Stickers Never had lobster? Rectify this, madame. You are worth it.
gratituderock says:
Oddly enough I’ll be eating at Lou Malnati’s sometime next week. My boyfriend and I are leaving for Chicago tomorrow for vacation. The company I work for has a Chicago branch and my colleague is taking us for lunch there.
D.J. Paris says:
gratituderock Awesome. Get excited!
Craziness Abounds says:
You can’t eat the dog! The owners are the ones that dressed him. Eat them! For God’s sakes EAT THE OWNERS. K that’s all I got in scream land.
Things to Bitch About says:
Your reasoning about fast food is exactly what goes through my head when I’m trying to figure out what to order for delivery! You’re right about Chinese food…it never tastes as good as you hope it will. Mexican dishes and take-out are a very awkward combination. Typically, my choices come down to Thai food and pizza as well…although we occasionally mix it up and order Indian, but it’s kind of pricey, like lobster…and expensive delivery seems a bit like an oxymoron, if you ask me.
bluenotebacker says:
They send me 40% Off Any Pizza and my daughter will eat it = I am not sorry to say they are our delivery of choice!
msbacktalk says:
Nope. No way. My stomach could be collapsing on itself while I was standing in a Domino’s kitchen and I still would wait for the cold burrito.
D.J. Paris says:
You’re not wrong to have these feelings. But sometimes I am weak!