Back on January 1st, I committed to writing one post a day for thirty days. This was a difficult task for that month, and it caused me to build a few muscles that I hadn’t before. Now it’s mid-April and I have the streak intact.
I used to plan out my posts in the morning on the way to work. I’d draft an outline, write a bit on the subway, and then on the way home from work, try to get most of it down. Then at home I’d add photos, links, do the final editing and publish.
My process now is that I never have an idea before I sit down. I’m just, quite frankly, out of ideas. So, this is a new muscle to build – can I just sit down and write something honest, funny, and entertaining every night. Probably the answer is “no” but my batting average is decent thus far.
Tonight, I realized I had no vegetables in my condo, and I thought that was a bad sign, so I headed to the grocery. When I got home I parked my car and then, when I got out, realized I had it sort of sideways, too close to my neighbors car. I put my grocery bags down and got back in the car to re-park.
Then I promptly ran over the groceries.
I had two bags, and one was completely stuck under the front passenger wheel. I should have taken a photo then, but I freaked out and ran to the car, as if I had a kitten trapped under the wheel.
The disgusting Greek yogurt I bought had exploded all over the other foodstuffs, and we all know how great that stuff smells.
And then it hit me…
Well at least I know what I’m writing about tonight.
Here’s a few shots of the road-kill bag of food.
Katjaneway says:
See what happens when you say ur out of ideas?! Dammit, man, don’t do it again! lol I applaud you for keeping the streak alive. I’d love to write my blog more often if my life wasn’t so damned boring.
D.J. Paris says:
@Katjaneway Eh, a lot of my stuff is boring. I just throw a dirty joke in between most days.
TammyL says:
I admire your courage of sitting down with no plan and writing a blog post EVERY DAY! I post twice a week and freak out if my posts aren’t done two days in advance! You always make me laugh, and this one definitely got beyond the chuckle reading on my laugh meter.
I also would have kept the veggies. I would have found a use for the chips – a layer in enchilada casserole, a coating for oven “fried” chicken, etc. Then again, I’m frugal (i.e. cheap).
D.J. Paris says:
@TammyL Yeah, I definitely have enough self-esteem to throw them out. I don’t have much more self-esteem than that, though.
LorcaDamon says:
I did that in October. The blogging every day thing, not the running over my own food thing. By mid-October, people were actually asking me to stop writing crap. But in a good way.
D.J. Paris says:
They were right to do so. 🙂
JustinBog says:
Being part savage, I would’ve saved the Tostitos for some kitchen cauldron creation: Tostito-crunch Spanish toast. I send you good parking karma.
D.J. Paris says:
@JustinBog Next time, send me the recipe in advance of the accident.
cathymcarthur says:
One time I was riding my bike home with a bag of groceries hanging off the handlebars. The ground beef I’d bought got caught in the spokes and it looked like massacred brains all over the place. There was nothing left to salvage. Lesson learned about tryin to get groceries home on my bike!
D.J. Paris says:
@cathymcarthur I ride my bike to work most days when it’s nice and I have done something similar. Trying to bring a frozen pizza in a grocery bag on a bike is not eay.
Fortuitous Observer says:
Perhaps a memorial for the Tostitos is in order? It was a short, crunchy life after all : ) Your tweets make me smile!
D.J. Paris says:
@Fortuitous Observer Thanks for the compliment! I discarded them, sadly, without any semblance of a ceremony. I’m probably going to burn for that.
Vanessa says:
Kind of curious – did you look around to make sure nobody noticed? I would have. In Canada Tostitos cost a gazillion bucks so I might have tried to just mix them with the Salsa somehow.
D.J. Paris says:
Here in America Tostitos are just crappy regular chips that nobody cares about. You should really raise your standards.
ishclock says:
The lesson I learned here: Vegetables are overrated.
D.J. Paris says:
@ishclock I only eat asparagus, and that’s because I like grossing myself out in the bathroom.
reaganpoe says:
That sounds a lot like something I would do. Was anything salvageable?
D.J. Paris says:
@reaganpoe The condoms I bought were usable. I mean they were punctured and all, but I’m going to roll the dice.
reaganpoe says:
@delfinparis lmao. You know, I was telling one of my young patients a couple of months ago that condoms weren’t 100% effective and he looked at his girlfriend and said, “I guess we should fill them up with water before we use them to make sure they don’t leak.” I’d like to think he was joking, but because he’d had said something about the eggs having to hatch earlier in the conversation, I wasn’t entirely sure, so I told him in a very stern voice, “DON’T DO THAT.” I wish I was making that up.
On a brighter note maybe the yogurt on your condoms will prevent a yeast infection in your partner….lol.
Jessica_thereader says:
@delfinparis @reaganpoe
Jessica_thereader says:
@delfinparis @reaganpoe
Jessica_thereader says:
@delfinparis @reaganpoe Pardon me, but where/when are you planning to use those?
D.J. Paris says:
@Jessica_thereader @delfinparis @reaganpoe Only with my beautiful girlfriend Jessica who lives in ATL and reads this blog.
gina valley says:
I hate when that happens! Gratz on the posting streak. Keep it up.
CrazyTragicAlmostMagic says:
That sucks. I would have been SO mad at myself. I also would have saved the veggies too. Ran-over veggies? Saves on prep time!
virtualDavis says:
I love the fact that Diritos count as vegetables! 😉 better luck next time…
virtualDavis says:
I love the fact that Doritos count as vegetables! 😉 better luck next time…
Background Check says:
I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post. @ http://tinyurl.com/7fnadk2
jkristinanders says:
LMAO! Feel awfully bad that you lost most of your groceries, and can’t imagine how nasty that Greek yogurt smelled considering it’s sour to begin with, but chuckling nonetheless!
D.J. Paris says:
I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post. @ http://tinyurl.com/7fnadk2
D.J. Paris says:
I love the fact that Doritos count as vegetables! 😉 better luck next time…