Going To a Dry Well

Recently a reader asked if I had recorded the presentation I gave at AimingLow’s NonCon event this past fall.

Due to the intimacy of the room and the attendees, it really wouldn’t have made sense to video the talk. Also, it was interactive at times which wouldn’t have translated well to video. I do, however, have the presentation and thought I’d write tonight on one of the topics I discussed.

My topic was about taking risks with writing and believing in your work. Towards the end of the speech I would encourage each group to ask for what it is they needed support-wise.

I believe that, whatever you are passionate about and are willing to take risks (in my case writing), you are going to need support. And, to many of us, we don’t set up the proper support systems in place to help deal with challenges as they arise. So, if you’re a die-hard  ukulele player you should probably seek out a ukulele meetup group and go meet those nerds.  They get you.

This is why new moms go to the park and drink wine while their kids hang from the monkey bars.

Okay, I’m just basing new mom behavior on what I’ve seen in movies staring Kate Winslet.

You have to find your tribe, and the people that do what you do are probably going to be the best fit. I just got invited today to a “Bondage Bingo” event on Facebook. I am neither into bingo nor bondage, so I shan’t be attending. But some people who got this invite headed into their closets excitingly and and dug around for pleather.

One of the most important (maybe most important) aspect of support is knowing who not to tap. Many people are simply not a good fit to support certain projects. The woman that organized the bondage event, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that her mother would not be a helpful support resource. I don’t see most moms helping their daughters inventory the ball gags, restraints, and hooded masks. But, hey, maybe she has a hip family.

In other words – don’t go to dry wells.

For bloggers this can be a common challenge. Example – wife blogs about mom fashion and loves it. Husband thinks clothes are stupid and is annoyed about her spending so much time online. Now, if that woman wants support on her writing, going to her husband probably isn’t the best idea. He ain’t going to be able to give her what she needs.

So, in other words, don’t go to people who don’t get you!

I have an old friend and she and I are fire and oil (that can’t be the right expression) about a number of issues. We’re both pompous, self-righteous jerks, and we disagree on basically everything. Now, at our core we love and respect each other. But we disagree with pretty much every decision the other has made.

We have had to set up boundaries around our conversations because it will quickly turn into a screaming match if certain topics are breached. Now, if I were to call and tell her I was sad and struggling, she would be the first to remind me she loves me and to ask what I need. If I want help, however, with how to better communicate with my readers she would tell me that it’s stupid for me to spend time on “non-real” people and that I just use them to feed my ego. So, in some respects, she’s a dry well.

Remember the old Zen truth, “What is, is.” If you have people that hate farm equipment auctions, and your ideal Saturday is going to such an auction, don’t tell those people about the auction. What is, is that they think farm equipment auctions are stupid. However, if you go hang out at the local overalls store you’ll find your tribe.

Often times we expect our spouse or family member or friend to 100% support everything we do. It’s not gonna happen.

I’m going to step down from the pulpit and return to what I enjoy doing best on a Friday night. Watching a documentary, playing with the dog and cat, and passing out from too many Wint-O-Green Life Savers. It’s not a full life. But it is mine.

photo credit: mlhradio via photopin cc