Last night I didn’t do anything for New Year’s Eve.
I am sad about this. I actually had two offers that I both turned down. One was from friends who, ever year, go to this huge gala in Chicago. The week prior I had decided against it. I get dressed up each day for work – it’s enough. Ha. Sorry to laugh at my own moronic logic, but that’s actually how I thought about it. Also, it’s pretty expensive for someone who doesn’t drink. So, no to that one.
The other option was something that came up unexpectedly. Even though every fiber of my logic said to attend, I just couldn’t. Ladies and gentlemen (don’t you hate when writers or speakers throw that stupid phrase out there?), I simply chickened out.
Here’s what and why.
I hired someone last week whose fiance runs a bar. Actually, they now run two bars. This second one is brand new and they’re doing this big event for New Year’s Eve. In Chicago you’re hard-pressed to find a bar event that’s under $100. It’s just the normal cost of all-you-can-drink and eat stuff. I didn’t mind shelling out that money ten years ago when I was a boozebag. It was well-priced.
Her event at the new bar was only $50 for the whole night, including drinks. That’s a steal. So, even though I wouldn’t win on the spirits, I would stack as many Tostino Pizza Rolls as would fit on a mini paper plate. Now, she’s five month’s pregnant and I think she was going to run around selling shots all night. Which is a funny sight you’d have to admit. The point is, it’s not like we’re best pals (I’ve met her twice) nor will she have time to wax poetic to me. She’s going to be running around throwing Schnapps down throats.
Other than her I wouldn’t have known anyone else.
Now, in any other setting, I’m good. Invite me to a party where I don’t know anyone and I’ll go. I’ll make up a story about I how I used to bang the cousin of the host’s best friend’s sister. I basically interview people all day so I am constantly meeting new faces and talking. I’m good with people.
But the idea of going to a bar on New Year’s Eve where there would be nobody that I knew and walking around seemed odd. How do I explain that I just decided to go and spend $50 to hang out with nobody – no friends, etc. It’s sad, right? Also, imagine I came up to your table of single girls and introduced myself. How long before someone goes, “Where are you friends?” How do I respond? “Oh, I’m a loner. I roam at night in the shadows. No one can tie me down!” You’d think that was weird, yes? Yes. Yes you would.
Now, that’s the story I sold myself and, as a result, I didn’t go.
The TRUTH is that I could have attended and made it work. I would have gone, met people and simply said, “I didn’t have anything to do tonight – I know the owner and just thought I’d swing by. I’m D.J.” I’ve even extend my hand to shake, people! I’m good in public!
But I was afraid of doing it for some reason. I think it’s a control thing. I’d rather stay home where I can fully control my evening (albeit a lonely, sad evening) then go out and not have anyone to talk to. That was my big fear. Standing at the edge of the bar with nothing to do. But I could have always left had that happened.
I was beating myself up about this pretty good last night when I finally just said, “Well, I chickened out. It happens. I don’t need to shame myself. Maybe I’m just not at a place where I can do that on my own. Or maybe I needed someone to kick me in the butt. Either way I’m going to enjoy this time with myself. Next time I’m going to set up some event in advance so this doesn’t happen.”
Now, I’d love to say that I felt 100% better after that but I didn’t. But I felt 50% better. And that was a start.
I’m going to focus as much as I can on this self-judgment which never helps get me what I want. I hope all of you have a great start to 2013. Let’s all hit the gym tomorrow and stave off chocolates. Or, in my case lose 10 lbs before Saturday for the blog conference I’m attending in Las Vegas. I can do this. I know I can. Pray for me.
photo credit: George M. Groutas via photopin cc
Brenda says:
I thought your girlfriend was flying in? That would be reason enough not to go out.
D.J. Paris says:
Actually – no. We did that last NYE, but not this time. It was a bummer!
Julie DeNeen says:
The psychologist in me is having a field day with this post. You are so hard on yourself. Sheesh.
D.J. Paris says:
And you’re so judgmental! (see what I did there?)
Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog says:
“Hi. I’m Dj. I’ll just be over here lurking in the corner watching you all night. By the way, are you walking home by yourself later?”
D.J. Paris says:
Hilarious – the only reason I didn’t pounce on you at BlogHer was that your jacks were all full of gross baby milk. Nasty!
Brenda says:
oops! after that reply I know I wouldn’t get a good review from you for my novel Re-Arranged.Too bad !!
D.J. Paris says:
I always give great book reviews to my friends and I rarely read their books. Let me know your link and I’ll do it!
Brenda says:
I’ll let you know, but I don’t think it’s really your’ thang’…It’s gentle erotica romance mystery. Men already know all that stuff, it’s really just for women. Have to think about it.
Allison says:
Man, we all sympathize. I’ve been there. Many times. It’s so hard to put yourself out there at a party when it requires a little more effort than usual (even though you know you’d be totally fine). I bet you enjoyed yourself at home more than half the people who actually went.
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks for the rationalization in the last sentence! I knew I could count on you to make it all okay for me. Ha. 🙂
Kate Hall says:
Dude, I would never, ever go to any party by myself, ever. So, you’re way ahead of me. But I don’t consider it chickening out. I’d be bored. And I’d feel like a loser with no friends and I’d probably end up running home, crying about how much I suck in social situations…not that that’s ever happened…more than a handful of times.
D.J. Paris says:
Oh, going to a party by yourself is great fun. There’s nothing to lose! You just have to set the bar very low. Like limbo low.
Rachel says:
You could have come with me – I went to a lesbian wrestling match bonfire at a woman’s house that I barely know and had to introduce myself which is akin to pulling my own teeth. You would have had a ball.
D.J. Paris says:
Um… well since you didn’t invite me until now…
Kat says:
I usually do spend New Year’s at home. I find that it’s a whole lot of expense and drama for nothing, not to mention the drunks on the road when you’re trying to get home safely. I’m much rather spend the evening with my kids or with a close friend or two. You’re not chicken DJ, you just needed “me” time 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
Hmm – maybe. I get a lot of me time though. I really would have liked to have gone, just for the adventure. That would have been great! Or not. Ha.
Ericamos says:
I would have chickened out for all the same reasons as you. Except, I wouldn’t really have the problem with the table of girls…well, maybe. But in the sense that I’d think they’d be judging me for being a girl with no friends as opposed to a lonely creeper.
D.J. Paris says:
Hmm – what is worse? I suspect being a creep is worse. But here’s the thing. There’s really no upside for me going over to that table. It’s not like one of them is going to go home with me. They will only silently judge and count the seconds before I get up and leave.
Jasmine Kyle says:
I would have chosen to stay home alone to! Just saying who wants to be in a room full of strangers??? Not me.. Maybe have a small gathering next year?
D.J. Paris says:
Yes, I think I’m going to have a group karaoke where I hire a pianist who comes in and performs songs that we all sing together. That would be fun, right?
MILF Runner says:
So you would have paid 50% of the going rate at most places and you wound up feeling 50% better than feeling like shit. That’s sort of like a win-win.
Right?
Buck up, little buckaroo. NYE is almost always spent driving around in search of the kickin’-est party that you never really find. If you’re attached, you usually get in a fight with your boy/girlfriend. If you’re not, you usually wind up puking in the gutter. NYE is not my favorite.
D.J. Paris says:
This is true. I once had both. My (ex) wife got so sick one NYE one night that she puked all over herself in our new car on the drive home. Just all down the front of herself. It was awful. I was not happy. Ha.
Mary Wallace (@ViolaFury) says:
Bless ya! It’s perfectly okay to stay in on New Year’s Eve and all of your reasoning is sound, although I felt we did some circumnavigating from point A to point B. Mind you, there’s nothing wrong with that. I appreciate and love the fact that you’re good and at ease around people. I am the exact opposite, although I like people. I just simply do not know how to act. When you got to the “I’m a loner and stick to the shadows” part, I kind of thought we had slipped into Brooding Vampire, which is sort of cute, but I can understand how that would be awkward. I do appreciate the thought process. I’ve thought and thought on similar situations, much the way you do and sometimes I think I dither about things. Well, dither away. One can never dither too much; especially among friends. Happy New Year!
Michelle says:
This is SO me.