What is it about grandmas traveling together at the airport that is both amusing and touching?
I was thinking about this today as I sat in my terminal watching a group of silverbacks congregate around a garbage can. There were five of them and they appeared to be going on a vacation that required a tremendous amount of paperwork. I know old people aren’t great with technology, but my god the paperwork they were carting around was impressive. Don’t they know you’re not supposed to be that organized to go out to Palm Springs? Not trying to be ageist but I highly doubt they were going to do a fly-over in India and pick up a Sherpa before scaling the Himalayas. Drop the paperwork. Just print out your boarding pass like a normal person. Nothing more is required. You don’t need to have the Tony Orlando buffet dinner tickets for Tuesday night poking out of a manila folder in the airport.
Grandmas love carrying paperbacks. I’ve never seen an old person in an airport that ponied up an extra $5 for the hardcover. I understand paperbacks are easier to transport and let’s face it, osteoporosis is not for the young. I will say this, though. Old people read the good shit. They’re not wasting time on romance novels or the Bible. It’s always some bestseller that you want to read. So, points to their favor on this one.
Let’s talk about grandma hair. I just realized today that you never see a grandma with long hair. They all go short. Now, I understand that as a woman (well, I’m not a woman) your hair is a real pain in the ass. For sixty-five years you get it bleached, permed, frosted, braided, chopped, layered, burned, and ironed. And after that you’re done. It’s still styled, but there’s always a big part down the middle and then it poofs up around the front. It kind of looks like mine except stark white.
Aside from similar hair-dos old women love themselves some same solid color sweater. I don’t think Coldwater Creek makes one that doesn’t button in the front. Hey, Grams, are you wearing a white turtleneck underneath that sweater? You know you are.
Here’s the thing about seeing grandmas together. I’m not going to say they look happy. I think of a little girl excited about getting on an airplane for the first time tugging at Daddy’s shirt while he’s looking at his cell phone. That’s happy. No grandmas look better than happy. They’re content. They just sit there peacefully, reading or chatting with their girlfriends. In their bright red pants.
These old ladies know something the rest of us don’t. If you poke one and ask a question they don’t freak out on you or act as if you’re taking them away from something important. They just stare politely, listen, smile, and answer. It’s how I’d like to be. But I’m not yet because I’m a total spaz.
Let’s get back to the group thing. I hope one day I have a bunch of old guys that goes on trips together with me. I should start making friends now. Although, you never see seven old guys together ready to hit a cruise. It’s always the ladies.
The ultimate is when you see five grandmas on the extended golf cart that the maintenance guy is driving down the walkway. It very well may be the cutest thing on the planet. Sorry kittens.
Whenever I see a group of older contented women about ready to go on a trip I become a tiny bit emotional. I think of them hanging out enjoying each other’s company as one of the rewards in life. You bust your ass for fifty years on the job, raising kids, keeping the house in order, doing all the right stuff. Then you get to pal around with your friends on vacation. Now, just remember to stand on the right side of the moving pedway, goddammit. I’m going to dislocate a shoulder to get past you if I have to.
MILF Runner says:
They’re happy because they’ve either left the guys at home or the guys have died. They are content because they FINALLY get to do what THEY want to do without some a-hole asking where the fucking butter is whilst pretending like he knows fucking everything. I’m not just popping off. My mother-in-law is 90. This is her. And it was my 80+ year old grandma, too.
And not to be a bitch (though I am), but silverbacks are ginormous, dominant MALE gorillas. Maybe “silver-hairs” would be more appropriate? Don’t hate me – just trying to be helpful!
Mary Wallace (@ViolaFury) says:
I caught that and forgot it in my comments. I was going to say, this is my 2nd red-letter day. The first was when a 33-year old male friend referred to me and my BF as the “elderly couple,” (I’m 57, he’s 66) the 2nd was today when I think I was called a “silverback.” I’m wearing that badge with pride.
Kat says:
I’m already like them in that I never go anywhere without a good paperback in my back (only turning 43 this month). The only difference is that I don’t buy hardcover because I’d break the bank if I bought those.
As for the hair, I’m finding my hair getting shorter and shorter each year and, looking around, I see the same thing happening with other women I know. I think that the more responsibilities we have, the less time we want to spend on shit like dealing with our hair.
Emelie says:
I’m in total agreement here. Old ladies are some of the coolest people around. Have you checked out the film or book “The Best Exotic Merrigold Hotel”? It’s fantastic. I just watched it a few nights ago and it made me wish I was old. And British – but I’m always wishing I was British.
Tammy says:
I have never found a group of retired guys in an airport with as enthusiasm and contentment as the grandma sect. And the adventures those women get themselves into is impressive. I’m looking forward to joining their numbers! Their love of life is almost tangible.
Cindy says:
Old ladies sure know how to have a great time. It amazes me that they always have so much to say to each other – being as they are retired, and the kids are out of the house. Just a wealth of things to talk about. I was told that as women age, they sometimes care less about what other people think and off goes the filter. Thus, you get a range of sweet ladies always saying the nicest things, old ladies with a serious filthy tongue, eccentrics and the whole lot of people who are perfectly okay with themselves just the way they are. This seems directly connected with their ability to attract other like minded women and there you have it.
On a completely unrelated note, I have really short hair minus the style salon. I also own a good variety of said sweaters with v-necks and buttons in solid colors. Why? The material is very durable and washes well. It requires little or no ironing. Its soft to the touch and smoothes over those problem areas without clinging or riding up. It always looks appropriate whether at dinner or lounging around the house. Its the universal go-to. I’m so glad I figured that much out at such a young age – it appears I’m well on my way to my goal of eccentric yet sweet old lady.
Heather Lambie (@heatherlambie) says:
I will say this about old women and short hair… have you ever seen an old(er) woman with long hair? They look ridiculous. Watch an episode of any Real Housewives to see what I mean. These ladies are easily in their mid-60s and they are trying to look 30. Listen up, ladies: You’re not fooling ANYONE with that hair.
My mother is in her mid-60s and she has long, dyed brown hair. She even got extensions last year for a while (yes, like long-ass stripper extensions). It looks RIDIC on a woman who can buy a “senior” ticket at the movies. I *wish* she would cut her hair like a normal old(er) woman.
Jenny says:
I think the thing with old ladies having shorter hair is because if you have it long, the only real option you have is to wear it in a bun, and that makes you look even older than you actually are. So the short cut is the best option for low maintenance and youthfulness. I was going to say youth-en-izing, but that didnt sound right…
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom says:
Good God Gertie, this is one of your finest posts – like – ever. So funny and so spot on. Though, I don’t know about Grandma reading material. Seems to me it’s a lot of Mary Higgins Clark and Grisham.
Melynda says:
i love old ladies! I love it when they have the walking farts and get to giggling too. Hope you had a great New Year and Christmas.. 🙂
Mary Wallace (@ViolaFury) says:
Melynda, say it isn’t so! That’s another thing I’ve developed at age 57. I keep telling myself I’m 30. Damn!
Mary Wallace (@ViolaFury) says:
This just cracked me up. The whole idea that the q-tips are cute as kittens. I have to include moi in this batch of SQUEE! At 57, it’s hard to avoid, although I have no gray hair (it’s red) wear lots of stuff that 20 and 30 year olds wear and get away with it, am excited about going to the grocery store and am a total spaz when approached in public. So, maybe I’m just a late bloomer? We kinda sorta live into our 90s most of the time, so there’s hope. Oh! By the way, I missed the “promote my blog on your blog.” The thing my friends would be hella surprised if they knew about? I’m a superb boxing analyst and huge fan. Go figure. I hope LV was kind. Your post rocked!
Banana Stickers says:
I’m actually stocking up on solid colored sweaters in preparation for my silver years. I can’t WAIT to be old.
Haha, just kidding. Aging terrifies me.
But seriously, old people are pretty neat though.
Mary Wallace (@ViolaFury) says:
Ha ha, I’ve been walking around for the last several years saying “aging isn’t for pussies.” It’s a trip. Something new and weirder every day! A lot of it has to do with your frame of mind. I feel the same in my mind; my body isn’t cooperating, though. I tried to do some “Gangnam Style” and thought I’d dislocated my knee! Just kidding. But there are days…
Sharona Zee says:
I sent this to all of my girlfriends…we are too close for comfort already at “only” 50’s 🙂
I’m going to grow my hair down to my ass, because I don’t think I can give up my travel folder (that’s how I know where my tickets ARE darling!)
Jane Sadek says:
Secret. All those grandmas are having such a good time, because they learned what not to do on family vacations and traveling with their husbands. Now they just do what they want to do and they don’t really care what you think.
Kate Hall says:
Youre awful. Funny. But, awful. And my hair is way shorter than 20 years ago because I’ve got kids and I’m lazy.
Jessica says:
Awe. I love me some old folks, too. I hope I have some nice young people to help me carry my paperwork on the jet when I am old. Also, I am also a total spaz!
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