Then, “Well, Fran Drescher is probably just a thing where she follows a lot of random people, but Larry the Cable guy only follows like 1k!  Isn’t that funny?”

Translation : Please think I’m cool because a couple of celebrities follow me – even if it a fluke, aren’t I so much cooler because of it?  I need you to recognize how awesome I am that they obviously think I’m so incredible funny.

I caught myself halfway through this insanity and said, “I’m actually bragging about this.  I am looking for your approval.”

Which is a strange thing to say to a friend.

I have had this “please think I’m cool!” thing as long as I can remember.  It stems from having low self-esteem, of course.  I’m so much better now and rarely try to brag about accomplishments to get attention.

Now that I think about it, some might say that this blog is a constant bid for approval and attention.  The people can take a long walk off a short pier!

Goddamn if that isn’t an amazing phrase not used since the 1960s.  Let’s all make a concerted effort to bring it back.  Also, “golly.”  Let’s work hard on “golly.”

I rarely ask you directly for stuff, but if you can find an instance of bragging about something to get attention, I would love to read it.  And then I will judge you as being more pathetic than I.  (that’s how I self-validate)

Oh, another way I’ve been bragging recently is about this project I’ve been working on set to go live in a day or two.  I can’t wait to tell my friends all about it – and it’s really not a huge deal.  I just want them to think I’m up to something awesome.

Now, there is nothing wrong with bragging.  We all need validation from others.  It’s healthy.  Don’t listen to the new-age bozos who tell you otherwise.  Think of someone you know that doesn’t need anyone’s approval – that person is no fun to be around and probably has a personality disorder.

It’s okay to be needy.  Just own your neediness.  I need you to think I’m cool.  There.  I said it.

Oh, and I need you to stick around.  If you leave then I’ll have to find other people to tell me I”m cool.  And that’s a lot of work.  You don’t want me to have to do more work, right?

Golly!

photo credit: aye_shamus via photo pin cc

There are only two types of famous people that follow you on Twitter.  Famous people that follow everyone that follows them (which is rare), and famous people that actually follow you for some weird reason.

There’s a great tool called FriendOrFollow  that will help you determine if you have any famous followers.

Now, with 13k followers, it’s not like I’m going to go through each one and determine their level of fame.  You can, however, sort by “verified” accounts.  These are accounts that for some reason Twitter deems important.  Usually celebrities who Twitter has determined are the real McCoy and not fake impersonation accounts.

So, currently the only two famous people that I can find that follow me are Fran Drescher and Larry the Cable Guy.

What’s most interesting is that I follow neither of them.  Fran’s is more suspect – she has around 111k followers and follows 23k.  This probably means she started out following a ton of people, and then stopped as her Twitter account began to grow.  So, I’m not counting her as a real ThoughtsFromParis follower.  Although if she is, I’m a huge fan.  Her role in The is Spinal Tap is brilliant.

Larry the Cable Guy is a puzzling Twitter situation.  Again, I am not a follower, but he follows me.  His stats are thus – 125k followers, and only follows 1k.  So, out of the 1k he follows, I’m in that group.  Is he a fan?  Did he follow me by mistake?  Does he appreciate my white collar comedy?

I would assume he doesn’t read my stuff and that it’s some weird mistake.  Not that I wouldn’t be super flattered if he is a fan.  Hell, I’d quit my job right now to write jokes for him.  He’s currently the most successful comedian in the country, I believe.  I don’t know much about redneck stuff, but I’d learn.  You know, trailers and meth and bad mustaches.  I can dig it.

Just in case he’s reading, I’d like to audition to be on his crew.  Now, I just have to come up with a blue-collar premise…  Ahem…

“You know your kin can sometimes be an embarrassment?  My grandma was heading to the store and I asked her to pick me up some Redman.  Well, wouldn’t you dang blasted believe that granny came back with a real live Indian.  I was like, “Damn, grandma, I wanted some tobacco not a Tomohawko!”

Not my finest writing.  But not my worst!  (okay, it’s pretty much my worst)