Tag: Christmas Day

I Wrote What You Told Me (Again)

Once in awhile I have nothing to write about. So I ask you what to do. You tell me. I do.

With the exception of the years I was married I never had a date on New Years. I had a few long distance relationships, but we were never together on New Years. So every year is about the same. If I was at a bar I turned in a circle to find somebody to kiss. It never led to anything more. One year my wife and I had a party at our condo and I watched a guest telling a story and eating the peel and eat shrimp (I have this amazing recipe) without taking the shell off first. I kept wanting to raise my hand and interrupt him with a, “Holy Christ, man! What kind of insanity is this?” but I couldn’t because he hadn’t arrived at the story’s punchline. That was probably the wildest thing I ever witnessed on NYE. READ MORE

Passing Out at 8pm is Awesome

I am 100% not trying to make a joke here - I typed in "center of the universe" into the site where I get my images from and this popped up. Now I feel even more sick.

It’s 1am. Why am I awake?

About halfway through the day it occurred to me that I was sick. Which, for the past three years, has become a rare event. I was violently ill last Christmas Day and missed the holiday lying in bed puking. Don’t feel bad for me. I still received all the gifts. Wouldn’t that be awful if my parents had returned my presents because I wasn’t downstairs opening them with family? Even at thirty-six I would have been devastated. Do that to an eight-year old and you’ll create a future sociopath. READ MORE

I Love Plucking White Hairs – A Confession

I so totally get this.

When I was nine my mom brought home a black cat that was hanging out by the dumpster at the Junior League.  It was our first family pet, and we named her Shadow.

Actually, that’s not entirely true as we had two cats when I was born but I think they bit me or my sister and were removed. READ MORE

The Flu That Stole Christmas – Part II

That smile is not forged from anything wholesome.

I left you last, Christmas Eve, 1am, while our last guest had to be escorted by my father who walked her two houses down from where she lived.  She also had helped clean, although I believe broke a few dishes.

Read Part I Here!

During the cleaning, we had set up an assembly line with my sister and mother bringing over all the glassware and dishes to the sink.  Al, my sister’s boyfriend, washed everything by hand and then handed to me for the drying.  My dad was breaking down the bar. READ MORE