Shortest Story

I just remembered this.

My friend Peter was one year behind me in school.  Actually, I had only heard about Peter from our mutual friend Justin.  I was excited to meet Peter, as I had heard great things.  The first day of my sophomore year was the first day of their freshman year.  Pretty simple math, yo.

This is going to be the shortest story I’ve written.  But it works if you use your mind to play it out.

I meet Peter sometime during the day and instantly liked him.  Fine.  Moving on.

After school, I was waiting down with Justin and Peter where the moms come to pick up their kids.  We went to a Catholic school so it was a parade of culottes on the girls and bad silk shirts on the guys, as was the style at the time.

Peter’s mom, whom I had never met, arrived in her minivan.  She had a bumper sticker on the back that said, “I (heart symbol) My Dog.”  I meant to order one of those screw-symbol stickers to put over the heart, as I knew a company that sold them.  I still regret not doing that.

Anyway, for some reason I decided I would chuck my gum through the car window, which was down in an attempt to hit Peter in the face.  Problem was, I was facing the driver’s side.  Where his mom was.  He was leaned over, and I was confident I could wing it past his mom’s face and nail him.

I threw.

As the gum left my fingers, I immediately turned 180 degrees, as to give the impression I was not involved in this experience at all.  Justin, who was standing next to me, was unaware I had just turned around.  He was still facing the car.

Well, his mom leaned forward at the wrong moment, and took a full shot of Doublemint right on the cheek.  I had no idea what happened because I was turned around walking away.

All I heard was Peter’s mom yell, “Justin!  How could you!”  Then she drove off.

It was awesome.