Yesterday I wrote about how I goofed and showed up at my birthday dinner a full day before my birthday.
Well, today WAS my actual birthday. I had to go in to work in the morning for a few hours, but then I had the rest of the day free. I thought, “What would I like to do today?”
There were four big festivals going on here in Chicago, and I thought I should want to go to one of them. Seemed like the thing to do. But I didn’t want to go.
One of my biggest hurdles in the past few years has been letting go of what I think I “should be doing” and actually listening my internal compass about what feels like what I would actually want. This is difficult for me.
I was in an airport recently and there were over a dozen different restaurants. I was going through security trying to figure out what I was hungry for. I came up empty. I knew I was hungry but no idea what my body wanted to eat. I ended up at Chili’s Too because it seemed like the best choice intellectually. Had a crappy burger.
So the idea of listening internally is weird. But this feeling came over me and said, “You don’t really want to go to any of these festivals, do you?” And I had to admit that I really didn’t. This was confusing. What I didn’t want to do was what I thought I should want to do. You’re probably confused now, too. Damn my poor use of grammar and explanatory structure!
Then, a feeling hit me. And that feeling was to get myself to the beach, post haste. Now, I live a mile from the beach. I go there every weekend. But not for me.
I go there to the dog section so my dog can run around with the other dogs. Except my dog doesn’t really like it. She’s good for about ten minutes, and then it’s clear she wants to leave. I’ve been taking her pretty much every weekend in the summer for a few years. Recently it occurred to me that I could stop as she just isn’t a beach dog. Only took me two years to figure this out.
The idea of just me going to the beach was crazy. I can honestly say that in eleven years of living here, I think I only have done that one other time. In my mind, I didn’t like the beach. Laying out all day seemed like something I shouldn’t want to do.
So, I went without the dog.
I loved it. I don’t think it’s something I would do every weekend, but laying out listening to an audiobook was fun. Since I’m no beach tramp, I didn’t pack properly. Sunscreen was not considered.
I fell asleep about twenty minutes into a Wayne Dyer lecture I was pretending to understand. As a blonde haired guy, this did not fare thy well.
So, I got burned for the second time in two days. By myself both times.
But, at least I did something new that I didn’t know I liked.
geek_dump says:
If I had a nickle for every time I have burned listening to an audiobook… I would have about 15 cents.
D.J. Paris says:
@geek_dump Amazing comment.
Becky G says:
Ouch! You better start slathering on the aloe.
Happy Birthday. Hope it was a great one!
D.J. Paris says:
@Becky G Aloe just makes me feel gross. I can’t be alone.
Becky G says:
@tfpHumorBlog I agree about aloe. As a midwestern kid who was raised near Chicago/West coast of Michigan and constantly in that lake, I have definitely had my fair share of asking for skin cancer. It is pretty disgustingly slimy and you have to sit around and wait for it to dry (if you burn your body that is). But when it just burns to touch your skin…it really does help.
D.J. Paris says:
@Becky G It does help. I just don’t like the goo it leaves. 🙂
Becky G says:
@tfpHumorBlog I agree about aloe. As a midwestern kid who was raised near Chicago/West coast of Michigan and constantly in that lake, I have definitely had my fair share of asking for skin cancer. It is pretty disgustingly slimy and you have to sit around and wait for it to dry (if you burn your body that is). But when it just burns to touch your skin…it really does help.
Sue Housekaboodle says:
Your hysterical, I’m glad I found you.
D.J. Paris says:
@Sue Housekaboodle Thanks, Sue!!! I appreciate your readership!
50peach says:
Happy Birthday! Good on you for listening to your innermost feelings. Keep it up – It is so empowering to live YOUR life. Not the life everyone expects you to live. Now, aspirin and aloe for you, mister.
D.J. Paris says:
@50peach Thanks for the birthday wishes!!!
Craziness Abounds says:
I have done that too. In fact in one of my books I have a story called They called me lobster girl. From falling asleep on the beach. I’ve done it at the pool too.
Thing is that you tried something new. Way to go! Again I hope you had a great Birthday!
D.J. Paris says:
@Craziness Abounds I heard they call you lobster girl because you have claw-like arms. Untrue?
Craziness Abounds says:
@delfinparis I have been called that when I got sunburned 🙂 Of course you understand that one. haha
D.J. Paris says:
@Craziness Abounds Yes, but I’m still more handsome, even when burned. This is truth.
edenbaylee says:
Hahaha, you look so pink, just like a newborn babe!
Happy birthday, hope it’s the beginning a wonderful year for you,
eden
D.J. Paris says:
@edenbaylee Thanks fellow erotic fiction writer and Triberr tribemate! I only think erotic fiction, actually.
2GirlsOnaBench says:
Happy Birthday! We gift to you virtual sunscreen for your next adventure…
@tfpHumorBlog
D.J. Paris says:
@2GirlsOnaBench Thanks! Or maybe God will grant me darker skin. He does that, right?
lajasa says:
I’m grateful someone else has those confusing “I know I should be doing this… but I don’t really want to do this…. but I should want to want to do this… but I hate this… Oh, hell with it, I’m gonna sit for 6 hours and watch bad TV.” – Or, in your case, fry yourself like an egg. Very relieved I’m not the only one fighting the crazy, wandering aimlessly, eating bad burgers and forcing ourselves to festivals, beaches, or pools or “the park” when we really have no real interest or earthly idea what we really want – only that whatever it is, we don’t want it. Maybe… nah… well… no, F-it. 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
@lajasa It’s really an exploration in getting present. “Do I really like this? What am I feeling if I go quiet during this experience?” I had this happen at the airport where I knew I was hungry, but not for what. I was a little spooked that I didn’t know what my body wanted to eat. Of course, I never ask myself, so I’m not in practice. I sound like a lunatic.
mrslowrey says:
Happy Birthday. Just wait till your my age youngster…. you’ll forget your name too.
D.J. Paris says:
@mrslowrey And I have a long, weird one. Uh, name.